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Thread: ex girlfriend pulled the "I need time" card?

  1. #151
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    Quote Originally Posted by Wakeup View Post
    I'm guessing She'lll stop contacting you once she meets someone else. Just because she's not met anyone yet or hasn't been open to meeing anyone else doesn't mean she wants you back. I see her playing you by keeping you hooked with her tidbits of attention.. she just doesn't want to be without anyone's attention and you're apt to give it to her even when you say you're not or you won't.

    Up to you if you're happy with the ego strokes her non-commital attention gives you or not. If she wants you back she should say so instead of feeding you the bs that keeps you bonded to her.
    JMO.. Your choice how you play this out.

    To add: She's still playing the "lets be friends" card. E.g.: "Lets get together and I can give you your birthday presents".. and you're letting her have you as a friend.
    I can't say you're wrong because your points are very valid, but it isn't impossible that somebody has feelings for another but still has issues with their attitude or mentality. Yes she is still playing the friend card but if I were her I wouldn't just say either we stay apart and don't talk or I'll jump back into a relationship with you, even though I haven't physically seen you since we broke up. I feel that she could be teetering between wanting to stay with the breakup she decided on or if I really do care as much as she does/did. And she's a girl and girls love attention, this is often true but every breakup I've ever been apart of the female always rushed to somebody else to feed their ego, not mine.

    Again, like I said if I'm wrong about her then this will only be a learning lesson. I only defend her because every other breakup I've been in the female always reacts to the "breakup book" and does everything everybody complains ex girlfriend's do. They jump to the next opportunity as quick as possible to feed their own ego. My current ex has been the only girl to breakup with me and still just lay low and keep to herself. Yes you are right that just because she hasn't tried to move on yet that it doesn't mean she wants me, but she said last night she does she just doesn't know if I will turn back into the same person and she'll be back to square one. To me this seems logical, not typical, to worry about her own feelings rather than what I want right this moment. But what do I know I guess, all girls are the same.

  2. #152
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    "She's a girl and girls love attention." Yea, well when you meet a woman, you'll see a world of difference.

    Just giving you somethings to think about Josh. Her behaviour is typical of insecure 'girls' who don't know what they want. That's why everyone here told you not to entertain her "break" period and wish her a good life.

    Keep on keeping on, you'll learn whatever it is you need to learn through experience because you're not ready to hear anything other then to agree that you should "keep pursuing" and "keep in contact."

    Hope it works out for you, don't be surprised if it doesn't. If it doesn't just remember and learn from any mistakes so you don't repeat them when you meet a woman that won't leave.. or if she does, she won't dangle a carrot to keep you in her life in a demoted state.

    Good luck.
    Last edited by Wakeup; 07-03-13 at 08:36 AM.

  3. #153
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    Quote Originally Posted by Wakeup View Post
    "She's a girl and girls love attention." Yea, well when you meet a woman, you'll see a world of difference.

    Just giving you somethings to think about Josh. Her behaviour is typical of insecure 'girls' who don't know what they want. That's why everyone here told you not to entertain her "break" period and wish her a good life.

    Keep on keeping on, you'll learn whatever it is you need to learn through experience because you're not ready to hear anything other then to agree that you should "keep pursuing" and "keep in contact."

    Hope it works out for you, don't be surprised if it doesn't. If it doesn't just remember and learn from any mistakes so you don't repeat them when you meet a woman that won't leave.. or if she does, she won't dangle a carrot to keep you in her life in a demoted state.

    Good luck.
    I know, I appreciate the advice. It's turned into a debate so I just speak my side of things but also listen to yours and anybody else that chimes in, its all appreciated and I don't ever mean to act like anybody is wrong. It also helps me see every side, but as of right now the side I'm seeing just seems more sensible because she is, like you and I said, very insecure. Unfortunately this is not a good quality to have, but I can't help feeling responsible for some of her insecurity. Her thinking that I'm some player that takes any girl who will give me the time of day and at the same time never act like I was satisfied would at some level make her feel like she isn't making me happy or isn't good enough. I feel like she may know what she wants but doesn't want to be hurt again.
    As an example, and yes I bring her up often but only because I spent a long time with her, my ex of 5 years would always want breaks. She would want breaks out of nowhere, usually after becoming friends with new people but I always sat around with my thumb up my ass. She would come back and I foolishly took her back, knowing that maybe it'll work out now, but it probably won't and it never did. Frankly, when I think about her and how many times I took her back leaves a bad taste in my mouth. She could hardly justify why she wanted a break or why she acted like I was nothing to her. If I posted about that now, everything anybody said on this thread would be more true than I could believe.

    I sometimes compare that ex to this one, and in reality they just aren't the same at all. The 5 year ex had a sketchy reputation and I was warned of this before I dated her and ignored all advice but I learned from that. This ex now is notorious for being a "good girl" or "sweet girl" but unfortunately I felt like this relationship was the same as mine and my 5 year ex's, only roles were reversed and I took the role of the one with the "sketchy past." So really the only reason I argue is because I don't think it's fair to just pin my now ex as being any other girl who just wants a quick out to experience what else is out there because some really just have actual reasons to do what they may think they need to. And like we both agreed, if it doesn't work out I'll have learned and at least I tried to get back what I wanted and I know that I need to be a better person in the next relationship and not take whoever for granted. Thanks again and please don't take anything I say as being shot down, I may not agree with everything but I don't disagree with all the valid points I receive.
    Last edited by spiritofjosh; 07-03-13 at 10:23 AM.

  4. #154
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    It's all cool, josh. Hope it works out for you.

  5. #155
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    She has every reason to feel insecure and confused if you were caught red handed with lies and contributed to her insecurities. Once trust is broken, it is hard to gain back and requires consistency over time with twice the effort. Change also doesnt happen over night Cause if it did, its damn BS and fake to just make the other person happy for the time being, in my opinion. She also seems like a genuine girl who obviously loves and care about you if she's stuck with you this long. You know her best and know what type of personality she has. I think its best to give her space and take the opportunity to focus on yourself too. Maybe she does need time to sort her feelings. The space will also allow time for both of your to reflect on your relationship and whether you love eachother for the right reasons. Be patient as she was patient with you too. Continue with your daily life and routine. Whatever you do, dont jump on a rebound and make matters worse! Even after a broken relationship, time to yourself is needed and healthy.
    Last edited by shesjustnotin2u; 07-03-13 at 01:32 PM.

  6. #156
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    I dont think she cares about your past too much and is trying to use it against you. Some times I think its nice to understand my partners past so that I can have a better understanding of how he carries himself today. I also believe that a real man is never shame to admit fault and elaborate on what he last learned. It's called maturity in a relationship.

  7. #157
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    Quote Originally Posted by shesjustnotin2u View Post
    She has every reason to feel insecure and confused if you were caught red handed with lies and contributed to her insecurities. Once trust is broken, it is hard to gain back and requires consistency over time with twice the effort. Change also doesnt happen over night Cause if it did, its damn BS and fake to just make the other person happy for the time being, in my opinion. She also seems like a genuine girl who obviously loves and care about you if she's stuck with you this long. You know her best and know what type of personality she has. I think its best to give her space and take the opportunity to focus on yourself too. Maybe she does need time to sort her feelings. The space will also allow time for both of your to reflect on your relationship and whether you love eachother for the right reasons. Be patient as she was patient with you too. Continue with your daily life and routine. Whatever you do, dont jump on a rebound and make matters worse! Even after a broken relationship, time to yourself is needed and healthy.
    Upon her request, she wants me to come and meet with her tomorrow, to tell her my feelings. She said the other day she would be my girlfriend now if I ever was man enough to tell her my feelings face to face, that our relationship was based on text messaging. She said if I feel so strongly, to stop hiding behind a cell phone and come to her and tell her. This was 3 days ago, since then she has been very brief in conversation. I will at least do her the favor and tell her to her face everything I feel, why I acted this way, that way, did this, did that, etc. I understand I leave myself open for rejection but that's fine when I know I at least owed her a face to face conversation I was never man enough to give. I'm not going to talk about our relationship and that I want her to take me back, but I will just clear the air about everything she's felt about me and what she actually was, despite her beliefs.

  8. #158
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    My prediction:



    This girl plays too many games with your head, Josh.
    Good decisions come from experience. Experience comes from bad decisions.

  9. #159
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    Quote Originally Posted by VincenzoG91 View Post
    My prediction:



    This girl plays too many games with your head, Josh.
    yeah i guess. all girls are all the same. i'll just have to learn the hard way.

  10. #160
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    Quote Originally Posted by spiritofjosh View Post
    i'll just have to learn the hard way.
    You will not learn a thing. It's pretty clear that she's playing with your head and you'll just continue taking it up the ass. You are a fool and deserve all the crap you're going to get.

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