I'm 17 and i had sex with a 35 year old man who I barely know?

[Starnique]

It's really no logic. It's common sense, just to add to searocks post. The only people who is trying to make sense of a 35 year old man screwing a 17 year old are people who just honestly probably see nothing wrong it and is trying to justify it. I notice people who always try to have logic, formulas etc and trying to be so book smart lacks common sense.

[IndiReloaded]

Emotional maturity and experience. Unless the 35 year old was a virgin, he had more experience than her. Most 17 year olds aren't emotionally mature enough to be able to consent to having sex with a much older person. Which is why I think the law should be changed - the age of consent at 16 is fine, but not with people over 5 years older, or something. It wouldn't solve the problem of course, but it would make it partially better.

Here's a trivial counterargument to your idea (without really thinking hard) to give you an idea how unthought through your ideas are:

I could make the case that it is *better* for a 17 year old to be having sex with someone *at least 5 years OLDER*. As you say, there would be a marked difference in emotional maturity and responsibility. As in, this guy is probably far less likely to get her pregnant and have unprotected sex.

What is the age difference between teenagers who have unwanted pregnancies? I'd bet its within 5 years of age. So, your proposed new law would *only* make it okay for them to have sex.

Can you imagine? Your law could actually INCREASE unwanted teen pregnancies by encouraging *two* emotionally immature people to have sex. LOL.

[IndiReloaded]

It's really no logic. It's common sense, just to add to searocks post. The only people who is trying to make sense of a 35 year old man screwing a 17 year old are people who just honestly probably see nothing wrong it and is trying to justify it. I notice people who always try to have logic, formulas etc and trying to be so book smart lacks common sense.

Good god. Common sense that isn't logical isn't sense. Are you f-ing kidding me? Show me a case where this *isn't* true and you can have my job.

Go away if all you can do is try to insult. Come back when you have a good, rational argument to further your point.

[michelle23]

I agree a 16 year old could have more emotional maturity or emotional intelligence than some 40 year olds... Age doesn't factor into it when it comes to that. But to be fair most don't..

I honestly think legally there should be a law put in place so that it is deemed illegal for someone over 25 to sleep with someone under 20.. They are still teenagers, still learning who they are and what they want and still have a lot of maturing to do.

Anyway please just kill this thread and we will all agree to disagree. Going round and round in circles here

I myself believe that what this man did was wrong. Its not that long ago that I was 17 and a lot of my cousins are that age now. There are still very innocent in some ways. My bf brother is that age too and I dont think it would be right for him to be with a 30 year old either. I know his dad or mum would not approve and neither would my bf.

Other people who disagree-fine.. That is your opinion but really just let it go. This debate is not helping OP. Its just completely derailing her thread as she never asked about the morals or legalities, never accussed him of anything. All she wants to know is how to feel better about this now so she can move on

[TablesandChairs]

What's done is done, OP. All you can do is learn from your mistake. Now you know that casual, meaningless sex with someone you don't care about isn't that great. You also know that decisions made in the moment, without thinking, can take a lot more than a moment to forget. Perhaps the reason you feel 'cheap' is because he is so much older; maybe you had some expectation than grown adults would do the right thing and not sleep with 17 year old girls...I dunno. Whatever the case, you put yourself in that position willingly so now you have to reassess your actions; don't flirt with danger. Stay away from situations that will lead to sex, if that's not what you want. Think before you leap. See a counsellor if you need to talk through things. Otherwise, try to put it behind you whilst learning all you can from it; enjoy your adolescence and try to keep company roughly the same age as you...a man who hangs around teenage girls is creepy.

[Wakeup]

Wakeup - Thank you for this post, it actually illustrates your problem perfectly. You don't read for contextual understanding, only what you think supports your 'argument' (I use the term loosely b/c you don't have one yet). This statement provides a clear context for the age difference statement, and it is *exactly* what ~Dick and I have been saying. I have highlighted the relevant part. This is where the OPs partner being a medico or prof would absolutely affect a case.

Read up on argumentation. Blanket statements (the age difference makes him a creep) without defining the context are impossible to defend as anything other than blathering opinion. Fine (and fun) to spew, but not very effective at making someone change their own opinion.

Indie:
You forgot to read the part where is says: "Sexual activity can also be considered exploitative based on the nature and circumstances of the relationship, e.g., the young person's age, the age difference between the young person and their partner"

"CAN ALSO" That means as well as in situations of Authority or Trust.

[TeEnAgEdIrTbAg]

indie is talkin crap she wudnt like it if her teeanged daughter had sex wid a 35 year old creep.hypocrit

[Wakeup]

This is what I believe emotional maturity to be:

Emotionally mature people accept responsibility for their actions. They don’t look for excuses for their behavior. There may be reasons or circumstances why emotionally mature people act in an irresponsible way, but they don’t waste time making all kinds of excuses. Emotionally mature people don’t feel victimized by circumstances or other people. Even when circumstances or events are difficult, they deal with them without resorting to blaming others. … It becomes the responsibility of the individual to overcome difficult circumstances that were not really the fault of that person.

If Op's sex partner were only a few years older or the same age or if op had been older and therefore had the experience to learn and glean from those experiences then chances are, she would have been much more emotionally mature and would have reacted to this in a more emotionally mature manner. Her sex partner, at 35 should have been emotionally and psychologically old enough to know that at her age, she wouldn't be able to emotionally maturely handle what she was about to get into. Apparently, he was not.

Interesting question though. Just how would you feel Indie if a 35 year old man took your daughter sexually without there being any sort of commitment or courting done prior. Would you be all Data-like and logical about it?

[smackie9]

It was bad, it was an experience, it's creepy, not creepy, stupid, a mistake........this is just turning into a knit-picking fest. Everyone has made their point zowie can this end now? holy crap.

[michelle23]

yes this convo is boring me. lol

[searock]

An 18 year old can have more experience than a 17 year old. Definition of 'creep'? Not a good one. Try again.

I wasn't trying to define "creep" o.O.

You haven't defined emotional maturity. Nor experience. Good luck with that.

I am also not trying to define emotional maturity or experience. It's a matter of common sense.

You need to think this one through^ to its logical end. This might be the reason why the limits are specific to *age* of consent (not a delta)? You are really grasping on this one, both you and Wakeup.

Nah, I just think the law is incomplete. It should take in account both the age AND the age delta - if we are talking about minors. For example, I would be ok with a 14 year old having sex, as long as they are having sex with a person no older than 15. Something that I would be ok with could be: 14 year olds can sleep with 14 and 15 years old, 15 year olds can sleep with 14, 15 and 16 year olds, 16 year olds can sleep with anyone younger than 21 and older than 15, 17 year olds can sleep with anyone younger than 21 and older than 16, 18 year olds can sleep with anyone older than 16 (in countries where 18 years old is the "becoming an adult" age).

A law that makes it legal for a 35 years old man to sleep with a 17 year old kid is an incomplete law at best, imo.

[searock]

Can you imagine? Your law could actually INCREASE unwanted teen pregnancies by encouraging *two* emotionally immature people to have sex. LOL.

If the mere fact that something is legal is an "encouragement", then the law "encourages" teens to sleep with much older people, as it is right now.

In other words, making it illegal for teens to sleep with people more than 5 years older than themselves would not encourage them to have more, unprotected sex with other teens. It would just limit the amount of sex they would be having with much older persons.

In order to have less unwanted teen pregnancies it is irrelevant whether it's legal or not for teens to have sex with older people, what is relevant is sexual education in schools and at home, open-minded parents, etc.

[dickriculous]

The things you mention here^ all require the same type of skills, which is why they are comparable (although I could still argue that a person could be on a wheelchair and could travel around the world on a plane but couldn't walk 10 feet, a person could be allergic to an ingredient in the cupcake and could handle beer but not the cupcake, etc, but that's being pedantic). Having sex as a young kid with a much older person, and joining the army, require different types of emotional maturity and experience. Which is why they aren't comparable imo. As I said, sex is a private, intimate experience that can make you completely vulnerable to another person. Joining the army (even handling risky information and guiding men into battle etc) doesn't require the same kind of emotional tools.

Jumping and sprinting require the same skills? There is not a single qualified athletic coach who specializes in either type of training or any event that's related to either activity who would agree with that. Nor is there a qualified exercise physiologist anywhere in the world who would agree with that.

Alcohol tolerance and eating sweets require the same bodily processes? Look up alcohol tolerance, and then look up fat metabolism and glucose metabolism. The differences are all conveniently typed out for you on the web.

As for different "types" of emotional maturity...what the hell, I'll bite. Here are the 4 types of emotional maturity that pop up in psychological literature (courtesy of psychologist Dr. Bessell).

- Awareness
- Relating
- Competence
- Integrity

If you lack awareness when handling multimillion dollar equipment and TS data that has international implications you will miss a number of details related to the proper handling and care of what it is you're handling. If you have no ability to relate to people you won't be able to develop the teamwork that's required to complete a big job or handle large amounts of data. If you lack competence you'll fukk up at your job and shit will go boom. If you lack integrity everything from an inaccurate relaying of critical data to the right person to lying about a problem that needs to be fixed for everyone's safety can go wrong and fukk everybody up. The jobs I am talking about require EVERY type of emotional maturity, and every type of maturity in general. Literally every which way you cut the "emotional maturity" argument, everything I've said about this issue still applies - ocean vs. shotglass and blah blah blah.

[michelle23]

smh..... wheres OP gone?? prob a different forum...

[Starnique]

Good god. Common sense that isn't logical isn't sense. Are you f-ing kidding me? Show me a case where this *isn't* true and you can have my job.

Go away if all you can do is try to insult. Come back when you have a good, rational argument to further your point.

What makes you think you so right? And everyone else is wrong. Bitch i don't need your job. You're still a dummy. I'd rather take your man.