Yeah man its easy to be alone when you been alone for most of your life and got used to that. But its harder to be alone when you felt companionship for a while. When your world been expanded and so did your heart and you don't see the world as it used to be. Everything has changed and now being alone is not the way to live.
Maybe this happened to you too. I don't know why you don't want to change this when people are social creatures and should have company. In some country, it's forbidden to hold one guinea pig at home cause they are social and should hold at least two in a cage. So same with people. It can be suffering to live alone. Or to be alone all the time.
“My dear,
Find what you love and let it kill you.
Let it drain you of your all. Let it cling onto your back and weigh you down into eventual nothingness.
Let it kill you and let it devour your remains.
For all things will kill you, both slowly and fastly, but it’s much better to be killed by a lover.
~ Falsely yours”
― Kinky Friedman
Like this words in sound much more -
Today I woke up early to get a sexy haircut and went kanoe and sports kayak race to the nearby river to watch the race. There was a lot of people and it was nice to be around the people. I even recognized one guy who was participating since I saw him since days I was still training on sports kayaks. Anyway, the third girl said she might come but said shes not promising. So I waited like 5 hours till the race ended. Not like waiting active but still had my phone in hand in case she let me know that she arrived. Well, she didn't come but I messaged her afterward and got to the point that she said she has 40 minutes left, so I jumped on the bike and was there at her home in like 5 minutes. I gave her a handshake just for a joke and then lifted it up like a bros do it. Then said I was joking and hugged her, she petted me on the back.
I had a bear with me - real cute bear that I got for her year ago but we stopped meeting and texting when it arrived and afterward there was never a good moment. Despite that, she said before over the text that she doesn't need anything and didn't take it now, I got the bear out of the bag and said that "I ordered it a year ago but when it arrived... He has a similar cute face to hers(they have look a like mouth shape) and gave it to her and she took and held it hugged whole time we were talking on her porch. We spoke like an hour. Really nothing new, we knew each other life and summer plans pretty well already so just clearing the details here and there. Was pretty boring and a lot of silent moments. We both wanted to sleep cause we woke up about at same time. She smelled real nice and I told her she smells good lol. She said thanks. Her face was pretty cute too and looked real beautiful without the makeup. I wanted to be more than friends because of it but then remembered how bad it went all the previous times so got it out of my mind.
Then we parted and hugged again, this time I petted her on the back too.
At least bear is out of my closet now and doesn't remind me of her anymore. She was the first person I spoke today with(If I don't count few sentences in PC hardware shop with a consultant) and most likely the last as well.
I know I shouldn't be so lonely but then again I don't see how I can change it without reaching out to people who let me down before.
Last edited by pcmaster; 02-05-18 at 03:33 AM.
Doubt kills more dreams than failure ever will