And yet again...

[IndiReloaded]

I can't speak for others Cain, but I'm not offended at all by your posts. Even the most inflammatory ones don't touch me personally.

I'm just trying to point out some likely consequences of some of your attitudes. This way, when things happen to you (and they will, I guarantee this), you might actually already have a framework in place to deal with them. I don't really expect you to understand at present, I'm just stating from experience and long observation of lots of personality types.

[Junket]

One of the worst things about posting about real relationship issues, is that not everyone can really understand the situation, because our view on it all is very limited to what you feel like typing, and/or are able to within whatever time frame you have.

Not to mention, once things get longer than 3 pages, newcomers to the thread aren't apt to reading all the responses and may end up reiterating something that's already been said, or asking you questions that have already been asked. Or they'll post dumb shit because they don't realize whether you're a guy or a girl.

Anyway, I suggest that you post a new thread once something significant happens in this situation. Seriously, over 3 pages is too much to keep up with.

Just sayin'.

[Cain]

One of the worst things about posting about real relationship issues, is that not everyone can really understand the situation, because our view on it all is very limited to what you feel like typing, and/or are able to within whatever time frame you have.

Not to mention, once things get longer than 3 pages, newcomers to the thread aren't apt to reading all the responses and may end up reiterating something that's already been said, or asking you questions that have already been asked. Or they'll post dumb shit because they don't realize whether you're a guy or a girl.

Anyway, I suggest that you post a new thread once something significant happens in this situation. Seriously, over 3 pages is too much to keep up with.

Just sayin'.

I was already planning on that. Expect a new thread either when she tells me she's ready to end the break or when I finally suggest the face to face next month sometime. It'll probably be around Sept 16 or 17th for the following weekend. So, over a month.

In the meantime, let's keep this lovely thread going.

BTW miso, my place or yours?

[Cain]

I can't speak for others Cain, but I'm not offended at all by your posts. Even the most inflammatory ones don't touch me personally.

I'm just trying to point out some likely consequences of some of your attitudes. This way, when things happen to you (and they will, I guarantee this), you might actually already have a framework in place to deal with them. I don't really expect you to understand at present, I'm just stating from experience and long observation of lots of personality types.

I'm sure that like everyone else, my views will mature with age and experience. It happens. It's how people learn.

[IndiReloaded]

People learn through experience, but not reliably. Lots don't.

The most successful ppl have a model in their mind they've developed b/c they've actually *thought* ahead about the subject. And then they compare with their experience & adapt accordingly. I'm just trying to increase your database. So is everyone else giving you advice based on their experience.

This is not just true for relationships. It pretty much works for everything, so far as I can tell.

As for why, its b/c I think you are a shithead. One with potential tho.

[Cain]

People learn through experience, but not reliably. Lots don't.

The most successful ppl have a model in their mind they've developed b/c they've actually *thought* ahead about the subject. And then they compare with their experience & adapt accordingly. I'm just trying to increase your database. So is everyone else giving you advice based on their experience.

This is not just true for relationships. It pretty much works for everything, so far as I can tell.

As for why, its b/c I think you are a shithead. One with potential tho.

I may be a shithead but you're a snotty bitch.

I still love you, though.

[Cain]

Small update:

I didn't say shit to her.

She messaged me at like 11:15pm. I didn't say much. I was a little conversant, but nothing much. I asked if she got the emails since I had already sent them. She didn't get the one where I admitted to pressuring her when I didn't mean to and that I was going to give her space and not talk about the relationship or visits. She didn't.. I was gonna tell her over messenger but she told me to call her... so I did. Just to tell her that and then asked how her day was.. asked if she was excited about the last day of work tomorrow.. and that was pretty much it.

It was actually pretty easy to avoid contact today.

[1averagejoe]

want some popcorn?

I want some of your popcorn .




That really doesn't sound right...popcorn and coochie just don't mix.
Nevermind.


Cain take this relationship as a learning experience. Drama sucks ****ing ass. My ex was a drama queen I can't believe I put up with it so long. I'm so much more happier I don't have to deal with it anymore. It will drive you crazy, make you depressed, break you down, change who you are. How old are you by the way? Do you plan on having a future with this girl?

[Cain]

I'm 22.

She's not normally filled with drama. This is the first time there's been any drama in the last year.

And yes, if she and I stay together, I plan to have a future with this girl.

Another update I forgot to add... when I was telling her that I was giving her the space that she wanted, she told me that she didn't want the space.. she wanted to be with me.. but she needed it.

I said okay. Not much else to say. I'm not going to talk about this relationship unless she brings something up and it's time for me to mention the visit in the middle of September.

[Cain]

Question: I've been thinking lately that if she does happen to come back and say that she doesn't want to continue the break before we've had our face to face, I don't want to accept it. I want to tell her that before we decide whether to end this break and get back together, we need to have a visit so that we can see each other and talk about our relationship.

Is that good? Or bad? Will she take that the wrong way? I just don't want this shit happening again.

[shh!]

I think you should have a discussion about it, but be careful not to make her feel defensive.

[Cain]

I think you should have a discussion about it, but be careful not to make her feel defensive.

She better not get defensive about it.

Why can she all of a sudden want a break and expect me not to get defensive if she won't do the same if I want to extend the break?

I was just wondering if anyone else thought it was a good idea.

[anachronistic]

Why would you like to keep extending the break? That sounds a bit vengeful to me.

Before you continue with the relationship, you need to have a discussion about the relationship. You need to make sure this is the best thing for you; can't move in and be headed for marriage with her needing breaks and all this. I wouldn't push it on her too heavily though. Remember what Indie said. Spend a little bit of casual time with her; have fun with her. Then talk to her.

[lesa]

You can agree to un-break the break but you can suggest that you will also like to visit her to have a face-to-face on the relationship. Whenever you guys have a serious talk about the relationship make sure to say that you don’t want her to feel pressured. She will open up and feel more relaxed during the conversation. Then discuss with her about how you feel about a break and that you want to make sure everything goes smoothly so that it does not occur again. Tell her that you would rather ‘we’ work out another alternative to dealing whenever she is experiencing sadness. She needs to learn and understand that some things will have a “we” component in a serious relationship.

I know that you don’t want to hear this but I still think she wants an engagement whether it’s consciously or unconsciously on her part.

[Cain]

Why would you like to keep extending the break? That sounds a bit vengeful to me.

Before you continue with the relationship, you need to have a discussion about the relationship. You need to make sure this is the best thing for you; can't move in and be headed for marriage with her needing breaks and all this. I wouldn't push it on her too heavily though. Remember what Indie said. Spend a little bit of casual time with her; have fun with her. Then talk to her.

It's not that I want to keep extending the break.. it's that I don't feel we should get back into this relationship until we've sat down and had a discussion.