i got my reply...

[xxazurexx]

How old is she?

[MerryH]

I should point out that we have NO mutual friends in common, it was my friends being welcoming to her that they befriended her on facebook. These are friends i've known a long time, most of them have only met her a handful of times so i fully expect them to side with me on this or they are no friend at all.

Why do you think you should be able to control what your friends do? It's already been said, but don't get them involved in your personal drama. Your friends have no reason to be rude to someone who hasn't done anything to them.

[xxazurexx]

I should point out that we have NO mutual friends in common, it was my friends being welcoming to her that they befriended her on facebook. These are friends i've known a long time, most of them have only met her a handful of times so i fully expect them to side with me on this or they are no friend at all.

^^Quite an immature response from a guy claiming to be 30....

[steviej]

She's 24. 'Claiming' to be 30? Lol, do i need proof of ID?

It's purely a selfish response, in that if it all ends in tears, i will delete her off facebook. What i don't then want is her pic turning up in those annoying 'people you may know' tabs. The only way i can see me being able to get past her is to have no contact, no reminders and no facebook pop ups about her.
I don't think it's unreasonable for me to ask friends i've known a long time, who only know her through me and have only met her a few times to remove her because i'm hurting so much.
This isn't the norm by the way, i'm sure my friends will be very surprised by this but i'm sure supportive.

I'm hoping though it won't come to that, tomorrow night i'll find out.

Thanks again though to all who posted, it's not until you've been through a headf#ck like this that you realise just how much words on a forum from total strangers can mean!

[xxazurexx]

She's 24. 'Claiming' to be 30? Lol, do i need proof of ID?

It seemed an immature thing to say, in that you'd expect your friends to remove her and side with you and also the comment 'if they don't, they are no friends of mine'....

Who the heck do you think you are? Peter Andre??....pmsl

I acted that way when I was aged six at infant school.

[HeartIsAching]

I'm going to tell you what's going on with her.

Her father cheating on her mother and splitting was abusive behavior, and sets the notion that that's what men do - ultimately they'll cheat, cause strife, and ruin the family. He probably didn't bother to take the time to explain to her that it wasn't her fault, wasn't anything she did. I'm sure her mother didn't do anything to help either.

Additionally, I'd be willing to bet that her father was abusive in other ways. The cycle of violence (not necessarily physical) goes from "Tension Building" to "Explosion" to "Honeymoon" and then repeats. What that results in, is people living in that situation for long periods of time come to EXPECT bad things to happen after a period of good. We (and yes, I'm one of them) keep waiting for the other shoe to drop. You sit there going "This is so wonderful, what's going to happen to take it away?"

And sometimes the pressure gets to be too much. I'm sorry this has happened with her. All you can do is keep reassuring her. Eventually she'll believe.

I've been that way with my wife, and she with me, for those reasons. Every now and then I think that something's going to happen to take her away, and I feel like I've been kicked in the belly, and it's just my past, no real reason to think that.

[steviej]

Thank you for your insightful post, you could very well be on to something there, her dad - although he bailed her out when she split with her ex and allowed her to live with him, is not an affectionate person - at all! Never really has been, one of those people who only speaks when absolutely necessary.
Trying to understand what's going on in her head will make it easier to deal with.

Xxazurexx, thinking about it (which to be honest, i hadn't given it any thought until you pressed the point) it does come across as immature, but i saw it as part of the moving on process, removing her from my life and any other possible connection. It just means it's one less thing i have to deal with and can concentrate on me.
My perspective has shifted now anyway with this sudden change of mind of hers to see me tonight.

[Love&Life]

Well, I think when you tell your friends why you ask them to delete her fm FB, they'd understand (So her pic doesn't show up anymore on your page) But I think you can also block her, then you won't see anything of her anymore, I am not sure, but I heard about this.

Childish or not, I have (revengeful and other negative) feelings right now that can be described as childish. When I was a teenager I dealt with breaks up in a more meature way than I do now. And this isn't even the most terrible break up I have.

[steviej]

Exactly, it's a bit petty definitely, but not exactly a big thing really. Plus, if it helps me deal with the situation and get my head together (should the worst happen) then i think it's worth it.

[DarkHelmet82]

look you dont want to hear this from me as I cant deal with my own issues.. but let it be man seriously... the sooner the better man.. you WILL make yourself sick.. mentally and pyscially... and then at that point you will have no choice... thats where I am now.. I will probably be dead in a year.. I have nobody to blame but myself. MOVE ON

[steviej]

look you dont want to hear this from me as I cant deal with my own issues.. but let it be man seriously... the sooner the better man.. you WILL make yourself sick.. mentally and pyscially... and then at that point you will have no choice... thats where I am now.. I will probably be dead in a year.. I have nobody to blame but myself. MOVE ON

She's asked me to meet her tonight to talk about the situation, I can't walk away, I have to see her and see if it can be saved.
Should it turn sour tonight, then yes... it's time to walk away.

Sounds like your situation has completely overwhelmed you, proper feel for you mate, are your friends helping at all?

[Love&Life]

Wow stevie... I feel nervous for you. I hope what is the best for you. Will be thinking of you. Good luck...keep us posted.

[steviej]

Thanks love&life!

This story get's better. This afternoon i got this text:

"I can't meet you, I'm sorry. I think we should just leave it cos for me, a relationship isn't what I can do and I can't bear to see you and say this to you, I just know it's the right thing to do. So sorry you have no idea how sorry. "

I got angry! It was great! Anger is sooooo much easier to deal with. So i sent her a reply along the lines of i'm not asking you to meet me to beg for you back, we need to discuss this like adults. I'm not going through this again, meet me as we agreed.

Reply: " ok will do"

Followed by this.

I hope you ignore the text I sent to say I can't meet you, none of anything I'm saying is making sense, it probably will when I speak to you.

She's even more messed up than i thought. I have little hope, which is a good thing. She should be here in the next 45mins.
I honestly think these issues she's kept hidden so long are now loose and there is no going back. I'll reply back later...

[xxazurexx]

So i sent her a reply along the lines of i'm not asking you to meet me to beg for you back, we need to discuss this like adults.

Stevie, if this relationship is over, what is there to discuss??

[steviej]

I have to find out. I have to know why a seemingly perfect relationship suddenly and with no clear reason turned upside down. Deep down i want it to work, but not by me begging her back, but by her wanting me back.

I also just want to see her one last time if this is it. I'll be very upset afterwards, but feel i could start moving on from it.


...maybe.