Who Loves You? In your life, really shows they love you.

[richiro]

sadly only 2... my mom and somebody i've known for 15 yrs that we've gone thru so much together and been there together for each other - we're finally meeting late this year.
She is definitely my longest-standing and best friend. We shall see later this year if that is meant to develop into more as we finally start to spend time together.

Mom:
She is one of the few that no matter what, has been there for me. The worse she believes I'm doing, the more she makes herself available to me. She is 77 yrs old and yet refuses to retire (arthritis and all, no matter how many accidents she gest into that hospitalizes her each year). Her life and what she does with it (continues to work ft and commute 2.5 hrs per way to do it) is not for her, or for her and my dad.. she works simply because she wants to ensure "her boys" never have to stress about money or worry if any emergency comes up. She, in fact, hides her earnings from dad so that he can't stop her from helping "her boys" (my brother and I). I have to BEG HER to stop and enjoy some herself and reassure her that "her boys" are doing fantastically and are fine...

My Best Friend:
we've had fights. we've said some awful things to each other many times. But over 15 yrs we're still there for each other and have open arms for each other. We've always had a notion we should be together but never gave it a shot - that ends this year. It's been amazing to finally open up and let things open up and let them out --- it's been incredibly warming and wonderful to finally remove obstacles and get/feel closer to her. We will see what that means in person later.

What is love?
I"ve learned a lot about this since my niece and 2 nephews were born. It really is this innate and unconscious reality that it doens't matter what happens, or goes on, etc. - you will give anything for that person. Oh sure there may be some temporary petty things that make you stop temporarily - but there is never a question that if needed, you won't even think twice about sacrificing for that person. Be it a spouse, lover, friend, or blood. What you do, your life, isn ot about you anymore. It's about protecting and assuring a pleasant and comfortable life for another - it's not about what you get out of it. You can get nothing out of it - it doesn't matter.

When you get to THAT point, tha'ts when it's love.

When it's about YOU and what YOU get out of it - then you love "the idea of..." and that's different.

[memo]

wow thanks for that

[CantMoveOn]

Thank you to everyone who shared within this thread. I appreciate your candid replies.

[Exeter19]

so on this question i mentioned to my brother about the idea of who loves you and he said he loves me too which i sometimes wonder sure he likes me and wants my help and support but claims he " loves " me too. interesting.

[CantMoveOn]

^ That's nice he told you that, Exeter19. My sister wouldn't let her pride tell me that at all. Unless at the bottom of a christmas or birthday card.

[Exeter19]

i was taken by surprise by it but he knows i do for both of my siblings and i knew for a fact my sister did so no more wondering on him for me.

[dollhouse]

My sister uses the word to get me to do things for her, haha...and it always works because hits me in the feels and I am always a soft touch for my family.

[lovebroken]

[MENTION=85495]CantMoveOn[/MENTION] How are you doing? Everything going okay?

[CantMoveOn]

Hi, lovebroken.

Not great but thank you for asking. Is the reason why I have not logged in before now but trying to add thanks on my threads and bump my other topic until I feel up to replying proper in it. My sister is being awful and compounding stresses I am having from issue discussed on here and grieving as well. Her "partner" is finally showing up after years and she has decided my feelings are disposable now. I hate the family I have left wish I had none TBH at this point, only friends who care about me rather than family who don't care and make it a purpose in life to hurt me.

[lovebroken]

I'm sorry to hear that, CantMoveOn but happy to see you posting again.

Have you been talking with your therapist? Sometimes family can't say things that don't consider your feelings because they assume all is fair between families and words don't need softening but in reality words do need softening for people who are in pain or sensitive.

[TheEvilJester]

Sometimes our blood "family" are no family at all. When that is the case, honestly, you are probably better off leaving them in your past. Though, sometimes we feel like they are family and we can't just leave them behind 100%. So, if that is the case for you, you should at least keep them at arm's length as much as possible. I'm sorry, but just because somebody comes from the same blood does NOT mean you have to let their misdeeds slide. If somebody proves unworthy of their spot in your life, family or not, you owe it to yourself to be above that.

I wish you the best. I am happy to hear you at least have some friends who are more family to you than your actual family. I would hate to think you were completely alone.

[CantMoveOn]

Thank you, lovebroken and TheEvilJester.

[MENTION=77017]lovebroken[/MENTION] I have been talking to my therapist but skipped 2 sessions. One because I was sick the other I was out of the country. Now my sisters' daughter ( my niece ) is being nasty. Apple isn't falling far it appears and that saddens me because she to me was all love, happy good vibes like my dad was and always reminded me of my dad and now she is a little version of my sister since dad died.

[MENTION=71386]TheEvilJester[/MENTION] Yes, I agree. They aren't for a lot of people. I am always being pulled into their dramas and my sister is drama central 24/7 and she won't let anyone escape her negativity. If not coming from her directly, it comes from my mom, and now my niece. I am not completely alone I have some good friends, some live far away now though. I have no family who I feel care about me though.

[TheEvilJester]

Thank you, lovebroken and TheEvilJester.

[MENTION=77017]lovebroken[/MENTION] I have been talking to my therapist but skipped 2 sessions. One because I was sick the other I was out of the country. Now my sisters' daughter ( my niece ) is being nasty. Apple isn't falling far it appears and that saddens me because she to me was all love, happy good vibes like my dad was and always reminded me of my dad and now she is a little version of my sister since dad died.

[MENTION=71386]TheEvilJester[/MENTION] Yes, I agree. They aren't for a lot of people. I am always being pulled into their dramas and my sister is drama central 24/7 and she won't let anyone escape her negativity. If not coming from her directly, it comes from my mom, and now my niece. I am not completely alone I have some good friends, some live far away now though. I have no family who I feel care about me though.

How old is your niece? That is sad to hear that her stupid evil mother has corrupted her when she was once somebody you actually thought was good. Yeah, like I said, "family" is a relative term. They may be your blood related "family," but that doesn't really make them family. That makes them people who happen to share your genetics. Family is a title that is earned, and one it seems they no longer deserve (if they ever did). Your real family is those who truly care about you and have your back. That CAN be blood relatives, but can also be friends.

[Jffs24]

My parents, the grans, gf, dog(s) in the family probably love me the most.

[CantMoveOn]

[MENTION=71386]TheEvilJester[/MENTION]. Hi and she hit her teens this year and I don't know if it is that, or that her grampy died or my sister bad mouthing me to her but she doesn't care if I exist anymore. Won't even come to say hi to me, talk on phone if I call, or hug me anymore and I swear one visit she openly was making fun of something I said, I think she was doing it about me because my sister seemed to enjoy it a little too much, if you know what I mean. Family, what a joke. Never there to build you up, only there to tear you down.