My best friend is suicidal, should I contact his ex and let her know? How can I help?

[Petit Papillon]

I've just learned that crying and feeling sorry for yourself is not going to solve any problem. The only thing that can help is to keep on going and if you need, ask for help. There is really enough people that want to help other.

[broken-hearted]

Yeah, it all comes down to what you are like as a person. I'm pretty strong now, but I wasn't like that always, I was very depressed and I was at a low point, but that changed round and I do everything to avoid getting down and feeling like the world is ending. But he needs to get through it.

Clearly it's different for him. In October I broke up with my boyfriend, though very opposite scenario, I wanted to stay friends, I just didn't see him romantically. He on the other hand, being madly in love with me, after failed attempts at winning me back, decided not to talk to me ever again and just bashes me online and makes me out to be some horrible woman when all I did was lose my feelings, I wanted to stay friends and talk and help him but he didn't want that. He's now very depressed and is ruining his life. Which is a shame.

But just saying that each person handles it differently. He wants nothing to do with me whereas my friend can't stand how the ex doesn't want him around, he wants everything to do with her. Both of them are weak, and we can't expect them to suddenly become strong and get through it, they need support and once they do get through it, next time round it should be easy as they know what they're doing and how it's going to work out.

Tonight was quite nice for the most part, we went out, saw a cartoon that was out, laughed at it, went and got some food, at the restaurant he sort of had a panic attack though he seemed surprised by it. I was worrying, but he shrugged it off afterward and we drove around and got lost in villages and he said he had fun and he'll call me tomorrow so we hang out, all in all we had a good time and I didn't really want to bring this subject up. I asked him if he talked to the gf, he said they talk every day and that they did. So I think things will be fine, he was just having a low point the other day. Tomorrow I'll see how things go and give him a list of places he can contact for help if he feels the need to.

[SelflessnHumble]

First off your friend isn't a bitch.
She wants what she wants, not some sour puss who wants everyone to feel sorry for him.
He's learned to pout until he gets his way...Suicidal people don't attempt suicide k?

IF they were really suicidal they would just up and do it.
She doesn't need to gradually do ANYTHING. People break up:
he saw all of the warning signs but he failed to do anything about it.
This is on him entirely not on her one single bit.
She has ZERO obligation to talk to him, send him little notes period.

Edited: Not having a mother and father can be devastating so it is understandable how he feels...but...
if he doesn't realize what you have shown him how long are you willing to be there while he continues to feel this low?

Supporting him is a great thing to do -but at some point he has to take responsibility about the relationship's demise.
You said he was talking to her. While you may think this is a good thing it isn't.
He needs to address his feelings to her and welcome any response he gets good or bad.
Only he can move past this -while you support him.

[Petit Papillon]

Selflessnhumble, learn how to read with understanding, OP said that her friend's parents died few years ago. There you go

[SelflessnHumble]

Selflessnhumble, learn how to read with understanding, OP said that her friend's parents died few years ago. There you go

OOPS!!! My mistake.

[broken-hearted]

She isn't a bitch as in she did something really wrong, there is nothing wrong in breaking up. But lying about her feelings for over a year? And the way she's acting - talking to him about guys she likes knowing that will hurt him or saying that they're best friends but acting otherwise - cold and not interested. At least be honest and out there - I don't like you anymore, I don't want to talk to you anymore.

From what I can tell, I don't think he's the type to pout and get his way, actually quite the opposite, he never asks for help, he doesn't like charity, I always offer to drive him around and take him places but he always feels bad about it. But on the other hand, I didn't think of him as the guy that wants everyone to feel sorry for him, mostly cause he doesn't talk to everyone about his problems, but the more I think about it, he talks to me and her since we're closest to him and if he used to talk more to her, I can understand her completely seeing him as this guy that just complains about his problems and of course she doesn't want a guy like that.

Also you might be right on the suicide part, I did read once that almost all people that talk about suicide can't go through with it, and that the quiet people that don't are the ones that do, I never talked about wanting to kill myself to anyone, maybe that's why I was able to try and go through with it. But I worry nonetheless since I know what he's feeling to some extent and how bad the urges may be.

Well what bothers me is that he knows what I'm saying is right, and that she doesn't want him and never will and that he should give up. He says it helps to hear this but seems unable to use it to get over her, he keeps wanting to try. I will keep emphasizing that she wants nothing to do with him now and she'll never take him back. I keep telling him to wait a few days and not talk to her and see where it goes, if she notices. He says he can't wait a few days.

Also when you said that she doesn't have to do anything, you're sort of right. But I think she should either stay out of his life for good or at least try and be considerate of his feelings, she's just making it worse by being all cold towards him and just talking cause she knows he wants it.