Anger management

[Sonrisa]

i thought this was it?

[AirbenderAang]

Anger is a perfectly natural human emotion and it is an important emotion to accept. The probem arises when you overly rely on your anger and it will have all sorts of destructive effects. The thing with all emotions, is that they are created because of our perception of events. First you have an event, or stimulus. This stimulus is then interpreted by your brain and you experience an emotion that corresponds to your interpretation. One way to control your anger is to actively work on changing your perceptions. Cognitive therapy is a proven way to change your thoughts.
[url=http://www.cognitivetherapyguide.org/thought-records.htm]Cognitive Therapy, CBT Thought Records Template and Examples[/url]

Another way to look at it is think deeper about why you jump to anger. The thing with anger is that it is an energizing emotion. When you are angry, your sense of self is protected and all blame is externalized. For many people anger is more easily experienced than hurt, fear, or shame. Since this seems to be the case for you, why aren't you so comfortable experiencing some of the more arresting emotions? Would that make you feel weak? Also according to one theory, the opposite of anger is fear. So maybe you use anger in order to try to gain control. In either case, if you find a deeper cause of why you get angry so much, you have something constructive that you can work on.

[VincenzoG91]

Great points, AA.

In the past, I felt like anger was like a backup power source... when I got angry, I felt strong and energetic, ready to deal with anything. There was often an element of righteous indignation, too, that allowed me to push aside any doubts or confusion about a situation.

It's true, the anger did energize me. But it also made me reckless and damaged my relationships with girlfriends, friends, and co-workers. (My family didn't mind so much, because we generally all get along well, and I am far from the only family member with a temper.) The anger management class helped me see that the short-term benefits of angry outbursts weren't worth the long-term damage to relationships.

[misombra]

i find talking to myself, aloud, and talking myself out of going nuts about shit really helps.

[Junket]

Indig, why are you posting all these quotes, that hardly makes for an interesting discussion.

[Sonrisa]

Anger is a perfectly natural human emotion and it is an important emotion to accept. The probem arises when you overly rely on your anger and it will have all sorts of destructive effects. The thing with all emotions, is that they are created because of our perception of events. First you have an event, or stimulus. This stimulus is then interpreted by your brain and you experience an emotion that corresponds to your interpretation. One way to control your anger is to actively work on changing your perceptions. Cognitive therapy is a proven way to change your thoughts.
[url=http://www.cognitivetherapyguide.org/thought-records.htm]Cognitive Therapy, CBT Thought Records Template and Examples[/url]

Another way to look at it is think deeper about why you jump to anger. The thing with anger is that it is an energizing emotion. When you are angry, your sense of self is protected and all blame is externalized. For many people anger is more easily experienced than hurt, fear, or shame. Since this seems to be the case for you, why aren't you so comfortable experiencing some of the more arresting emotions? Would that make you feel weak? Also according to one theory, the opposite of anger is fear. So maybe you use anger in order to try to gain control. In either case, if you find a deeper cause of why you get angry so much, you have something constructive that you can work on.

i think that because i spent a large part of my life in fear and hurt, i found anger to be amusing and entertaining. it was sort of a shock to everyone that i was able to be angry and yell back instead of being submissive and cry. however at this point i indulge myself in it too much.

[Sonrisa]

Great points, AA.

In the past, I felt like anger was like a backup power source... when I got angry, I felt strong and energetic, ready to deal with anything. There was often an element of righteous indignation, too, that allowed me to push aside any doubts or confusion about a situation.

It's true, the anger did energize me. But it also made me reckless and damaged my relationships with girlfriends, friends, and co-workers. (My family didn't mind so much, because we generally all get along well, and I am far from the only family member with a temper.) The anger management class helped me see that the short-term benefits of angry outbursts weren't worth the long-term damage to relationships.

what did you talk about in class? do you remember any of the discussions you had?

[Sonrisa]

i find talking to myself, aloud, and talking myself out of going nuts about shit really helps.

same here, i talk myself down and criticize my own behaviour.

[Sonrisa]

Indig, why are you posting all these quotes, that hardly makes for an interesting discussion.

i found those quotes to be quite enlightening

[VincenzoG91]

what did you talk about in class? do you remember any of the discussions you had?

Various topics:

Different types of anger problems. Most guys with anger problems are too expressive about their anger... yelling, breaking things, hitting people, etc. Some guys have the opposite problem, they stifle their anger until they finally blow up big, or else let it eat them up on the inside with physiological problems, like stomach problems.

Assertive communication is better than aggressive communication, passive communication or passive-aggressive communication.

Road rage.

Negative self-talk, and how to change it to positive self-talk.

Time-outs. When to take them and how to ask for them.

Learning what kinds of situations make you mad. Examples: waiting in line, difficult customers, nagging spouse.

Basic negotiation skills.

Develop strategies to cope with those kinds of situations that make you mad.

[Sonrisa]

has anyone seen MeatLoaf have a meltdown on Celebrity Apprentice?

[misombra]

omg i saw that. holy crap i would not want meatloaf to yell at me. but probably not as bad as jose conseco's wrath. that man is enormous.

[CAM]

Anger? Used to throw books and punch walls. And, I used to go on long term hate trips. I mean really hate a person, ignore their very existence. I couldn't perform well at school unless I had an enemy to focus my hate. Not good. Hate to blame dear old dad, but the fact is that he (and he's told me this) knew that if I was angry with him, I would work harder...so, he'd rile me up, knowing that I would never push back but rather focus my anger into working. It was, "Yes, Sir! No, Sir! Permission to enter the shop and sweep up because I didn't do it right the first two times." all summer long. Yes, I actually stood outside of the shop in the pouring rain for permission to enter and to redo a job. At any rate, now we laugh about the "old days"...although I never really got over it. In terms of anger, I'm myself again after years of eating myself up and practically destroying my insides and my nervous system, literally. It is no wonder I enjoyed reading prisoner of war escape stories as a child....

My advice to you...quit being angry because it will kill you. Don't kill Buddha if you see him, like someone else advised. If you see Buddha, smile at him. He might smile back.

[CAM]

...and I might add, this is one of the reasons I try to get to eastern orthodox church services on Sundays. It is one of the few places in the world where I am not exposed to hate. Beautiful music. A reminder that someone who could have been angry choice to love rather than hate.

The ultimate purpose of religion is provide truths about ourselves and to provide some guidance in how to make our lives better. I'm not a literalist or Bible-thumper by any means, but I do find some good in my religious experiences. And after a week of working with others, Sunday is a good time to recharge my emotional batteries and to remind myself that hatred is not the answer because it just takes its toll on me and my family and friends.

[CraigT]

Do anything you can to deal with the anger. If it's your biggest issue and it's stopping
you moving forward with your life, make it your biggest goal to deal with it.

How would your life be if you were calm in all situations? If you could accept all the BS
that comes your way. The point is, there are so many programmes out there, but you are the only
one who can help you. Invest time working on yourself, it will become profitable.

Craig T aneed4change