Online friendship - next step?

[michelle23]

Just be patient. All good things come to those who wait. You need to take your time with this lady and go slow especially if you want it to work long term. Right now you and her are just friends. You need to meet in person and figure out if there is chemistry between you and whether you have much in common etc and you at least need to kiss her first a few times and hold her hand before you can start being all lovely dovey etc.

You are definitely infatuated by her and that is why you are all excited and smiling and feeling as if you are dancing on a cloud lol. Its okay to feel that way-just go with it but try not to come on too strong.

You can say things like "I'm really looking forward to meeting you and getting to know you better" or even "I hope our date goes well" etc but don't start saying "wish you were here" etc until after you have met and at least kissed.

The fact that she is eager to meet you is a great sign but you will have to wait until you meet her in person to try and read her signals and figure out whether she is flirting or not.

What kind of things does she say in the texts? Has she left kisses at the end (xxx), does she try to make you laugh, does she talk about what she wants in a partner?

[bearz]

It's just so hard to keep everything in perspective when you are sick to your stomach, barely eat anything, don't sleep well, etc. But I have a feeling that it's really the situation I put myself in over all these years and not her that is making me feel this way. Talking to her and wanting to meet her is just bringing everything out of me which was hidden and covered up for a long time.

She doesn't come on to me, every once in a while I get a little <3 as part of a message when I tell her something really nice, but there are definitely no "kisses" or "hugs" or anything, so nothing flirtatious. But she does text me quite often, and so do I. So we definitely think of each other during the day. Our conversations really haven't been about relationships, love, or intimacy. The other night we talked on the phone for over an hour and even though she was tired, she sounded very comfortable and happy with a soft and calm voice. I would have given anything in the world to be with her at that moment. I know that sounds crazy, but it's just how I feel right now.

[michelle23]

Okay well right now you are still just getting to know each other and she feels relaxed which is a good thing. If she wasn't interested romantically bearz-she would probably not spend all this time talking to you.

You could just ask her-"are we on the same page? The reason I ask is because I like you and I was just wondering if you see me as just a friend or possibly more than that. I know its early days but we get on so well and I am really excited about meeting you in person, I would love things to go well between us".

You could say that in a text and see what she says. That could shift the conversation to relationships And dont worry-it will probably be music to her ears

Good luck and let me know how it goes.

[bearz]

You see, that right there is the part that scares me the most right now. I'm literally terrified of asking her that question because it would just show her that I would be open to more than just a friendship if things work out. What if she doesn't want to deal with anything more and starts backing away from everything?

[michelle23]

If you don't ask that question bearz-you will be friend-zoned no matter what and you'll have to sit back and watch while she goes off with someone whose not afraid to pursue her.

If shes not interested in more than friends you are wasting your time because you are looking for love so there is no point traveling miles to see a women who only wants to be your friend.

Grab the bull by the horns and take the leap. You have nothing to lose. You'll either get a date/girlfriend out of it or you'll realize you want different things and try to meet someone else who wants the same as you.

Stop fearing rejection so much. We all get rejected in life. Its normal. It doesnt mean there is something wrong with you-it just means you are not her mr right so dont take it personally.

Also- it sounds like she is interested in more so I think you should just ask her what I said to ask.

[michelle23]

Also you need to do whatever it takes to boost your confidence. You need to start seeing yourself as a catch. What can you offer a woman?

You sound decent. You want love, commitment. Are you honest, kind, faithful? Do you work? Do you want a family? Will you be a good father and provider? Start looking at the positives to yourself and see yourself through someone else's eyes.

Just because you don't think you are the stereotypical definition of perfect in the looks department does not mean you are unattractive. It sounds like you take pride in your appearance and aim to look after yourself.

Those are all great things.

Boost that confidence of yours. Too many people go through life thinking they have nothing to offer but that is not true.

There are horrible scumbags in this world that treat women like garbage and we need more men to show these women who put up with their crap that they can do better.

[bearz]

Ugh, deep down inside I know you're right and I have to take the next step. Time to put on my big boy pants and suck it up. I'm just so worried that everything will change in an instant and nothing between us will be the same from that point on.

[michelle23]

If the worst happens-it wasn't meant to be. But try to think positive

[FlaCooln]

Bearz...does she ever say things like I have been thinking about you or you have been on my mind? If she does that is a good sign. Did you meet her through a dating website or just ran into her on a chatroom?

I think you are over analyzing this. You like her, she gives you that special nervous/happy feeling everytime she contacts you (I love that feeling). She would not be open to meeting you if she just wanted to be friends. I think you guys have a connection, don't rush it...let it grow. Go visit her and the first thing you should do is give her a big hug and make sure to look into her eyes as you pull away. Then go get some dinner/lunch/coffee and talk. Once the conversation gets good put your hands on the table, watch her body language. If she touches your hand, recipricate/hold hers and your golden.

I have done that many a time with my past relationships. Looking for body language is key with women, as when they like you its really hard for them to not show it. Most don't even realize how much they touch you when they like you and I don't mean touch in a i am gonna have sex with you now way. More that they walk by and have to graze your shoulder, touch your hand, hand on your leg, etc.

As for your worry of saying something stupid....just be yourself and give honest answers w/o taking too long to answer. If you seem to be thinking of what to say for too long it does not seem as honest, even if it is.

So go see her and go with the flow, but watch for the signs man!

[bearz]

I can't recall her saying any of these things. But I haven't said these things either, even though I've been wanting to do so quite often. I've been really careful with what I say to her, maybe she is doing the same? We actually met through a friend of hers, she used to go to college with him and I've been playing online computer games with him for almost two years now.

She actually does spend a lot of time with me every day, whether it is just texting, talking or chatting online, playing games together, or talking on the phone.

Gosh, don't put those images in my head. You have no idea how badly I'd love to do all of this you have just mentioned.

[michelle23]

Why would she spend that much time talking to you and wanting to meet up if shes not interested in you romantically. Have you exchanged pictures?

[FlaCooln]

Well you gotta be ready for it. Be confident in yourself. You are talking with her quite a lot, so obviously you interest her and your doing good so far. Keep being yourself and you will be fine. Many women like to be courted/chased a bit and to feel wanted. If you can enjoy the chase, all the better. Also, I suggest you start going to some more social events and just to meet people and talk. It does wonders for your confidence and you may be more outgoing than you realize.

Nothing ventured, nothing gained. Its gonna keep eating you up inside because you want more, so go for it!

[bearz]

Why would she spend that much time talking to you and wanting to meet up if shes not interested in you romantically. Have you exchanged pictures?

Yes, we have exchanged pictures. I consider both of us pretty average looking so I guess there's hope in that regard. Quite honestly, seeing her picture didn't change my mindset at all. Usually I'm either drawn a little bit more towards that person, or if they are not my type, I back away. But with her, it was almost like I didn't care. All I could think at that moment was "I want to cuddle with you right now". Is that wrong? Shallow?

[DALI4021]

First off like many people are saying is RELAX and calm down. As far as meeting her in person just be yourself, don't try to be anything your not because you don't want to have to act like something your not down the line. Obviously she has a genuine interest in you and who you present yourself as. It might not be a bad idea to set up a Skype date before maybe it would relax you a bit before the actual in person meeting. Honestly, you have nothing to lose, just take it easy and get to know her. Most of all if you do feel like you want something more then being in the friendzone you have to show some kind of interest. You can't wait for her to make the moves because let's be honest you will miss your chance. This doesn't mean when you meet her you confess your love and drop down to one knee. Just show interest and feel the situation out and see if the feeling is mutual. Best Wishes!

[bearz]

Thanks to everyone, especially Michelle, you were all right. I asked her about our friendship and if she sees anything more and she reacted exactly how you predicted. She also wants to get to know me better and isn't ruling anything out. I feel like this huge weight has just been lifted off my shoulders.