Would You Want to Know?

[The Great OV!!!]

If your SO has slept with people he or she still sees socially and with whom you will be interacting with socially as well, would you want to know about it? Even if it's ancient history and would never, ever happen again, is this considered to be "need to know" information?

Yea, I deserve to know. Sorry if I don't have some long paragraph answer for you Giga but I just simply think the person has a right to know. How they feel about it is not the topic of the thread I think. I am with out a doubt sure that they should know, I think it is actually kind of disturbing to think that I would be hanging out with my friend and girlfriend who they both had a night together, and yet not knowing about it at all...yea that just makes my stomache queezy.

Actually I Think dating any of my friends ex girlfriends is a no no. I dont care how long they have not been together or how well we fit together.

[Gigabitch]

Me too. I want to know the basics but not the details. That way your not screwed over somehow when you find something out by accident from random person. I would rather already know and from my SO.

God, yes. Imagine the look on your face in two years when somebody spills the beans- doom! Destruction! I would feel so betrayed.

It wouldn't matter if I weren't serious about him, but he's The One. I don't want to take any chances with skeletons that might pop out of a closet later. Fortunately, I don't have much to hide. The benefit of being a compulsive confessor.

[anachronistic]

Yes I want to know things like this. Why? Because it gives me an impression of them. The earlier they tell me, the more accepting I am. That is me. Also, if they lie to me about something, I find it very difficult to be around them.

I can forgive ANYTHING but a lie.

[Gigabitch]

Yes I want to know things like this. Why? Because it gives me an impression of them. The earlier they tell me, the more accepting I am. That is me. Also, if they lie to me about something, I find it very difficult to be around them.

I can forgive ANYTHING but a lie.

Right there with you. Even if it's one of those "sins of omission" kind of lies.

[tellherthis]

Right enough, a skeleton coming out of the closet a few years down the line wouldn't be good.
I think the answer depends on the individuals involved and the individual situation in question.

[allflowerz]

No, there's no need for the SO to know everything about a person... some things are better off left unsaid... I wouldn't want to know

[Gigabitch]

Big ****ing bump.

Help me, guys. He lied. He agreed to tell me about people he'd slept with if we were going to be seeing them socially in the future and he totally lied. He told me about all of them but one. Last night he told me about her, too.

I have no problem with the fact that he slept with her- it was long before he and I got back together. I have a problem with the fact that he lied to me. He should have either told me the truth when I asked him or refused to answer my question.

She didn't want anyone to know they had been together. He was keeping her secret. He chose to lie to me in order to keep her secret. He continued to lie to me after he moved into my house, as he asked me to marry him, as the months went by. Last night he told me to "get it off his chest". Apparently, he feels he should be rewarded for this.

I feel really, really dirty.

I know some of you don't agree that I had any business asking that question in the first place. That, to me, is immaterial at this point. The fact is, I asked, and he agreed to tell me.

And then he lied.

[vashti]

Oh damn, girl! Have you been hanging out socially with this woman? Do you *like* her? Why did he decide to come clean now?

I'd be mad about the lying, too. Do you suspect there are other things he has kept hidden from you?

[DoesntMatter]

He doesn't respect you how he should. Lying to someone shows disrespect

[Gigabitch]

Oh damn, girl! Have you been hanging out socially with this woman? Do you *like* her? Why did he decide to come clean now?

I *love* her. She's like a little sister to me. She actually introduced us, all those years ago. I don't feel betrayed by the fact that they got together, though. I really don't.

Do you suspect there are other things he has kept hidden from you?

Of course. I also suspect that he may be of unsound moral character. This, I fear, goes beyond simple bad judgment.

This is killing me. I don't know what to do. I love him like life itself.

Can't stop crying.

[DoesntMatter]

It was probably some whimsical lie he made with the immediate intention of not hurting you

[DoesntMatter]

Of course. I also suspect that he may be of unsound moral character.

In what ways?

[vashti]

Oh, Giga... I am sorry. Have you spoken to the woman about this revelation?

[Cain]

I would want to know, but I would also have a hard time with her and him hanging out together if they have a sexual past. Luckily, my gf has only been with one other guy besides me and he's an asshole ex who she never speaks to anymore.

I would have a hard time not letting it bother me if they still hung out. I wouldn't want my gf hanging out with anyone she has a sexual history with.

[Gigabitch]

I don't care about them hanging out. I don't think this is going to happen again. My problem, here, is about the lying. The lying, and possibly even more about the fact that he was nervous about telling me after all of this time because he still was afraid of what I would say about him sleeping with her. I had to explain to him that the LYING was the problem.

Maybe that's an even bigger problem than I think it is. If he's still hung up on the fact that it was her in particular, maybe he actually DOES still have a thing for her.