Boyfriends Mother

[Cain]

I usually try to take them at face value unless there is a greater-than-average chance that the original poster is unable to give an objective assessment of the situation, in which case I go with the most reasonable scenario.

But we definitely can't assume that the mother wouldn't say those things either. What if it was really said? This person came here for advice but is instead being told that she isn't believed.

[shh!]

So far as I could see, I am the only person who implied there is probably another side of the story. The original poster is free to listen to everyone but me if she chooses, but I think I offer a different perspective.

[anachronistic]

No you're not the only person, shh. I think there is probably more to the story than meets the eye. I asked those questions hoping that might lead to the other side.

LMK, before he moves with you, you're going to have to make some self-adjustments, to try and earn the mother's acceptance. First of all, don't be so needy; you don't need to be *saved* and you don't *need* your boyfriend around. You're going to have to prove to his mother that you're independent; no more needing the boyfriend, no more expecting him to save you, you shouldn't expect him to love you more than his mom, etc.

Then he'll eventually move in for the right reasons.

[Junket]

I wouldn't want my son to move in with a girl at 22 to rescue her from her life. I don't think that is "overbearing" or "overprotective"... I think that is simply a matter of her valuing her son more than you, and I think that is appropriate. Her job is to have her son realize his full potential (regardless of a girlfriend), and if he is still depending on her for food/housing/living expenses, then she still has a say. Sorry.

You don't think what the OP quoted the mother as saying is overbearing or overprotective?

How about a little manipulative and guilt trip-ive?

I think he should break up with his mother, first and foremost.

[Cain]

You don't think what the OP quoted the mother as saying is overbearing or overprotective?

How about a little manipulative and guilt trip-ive?

I think he should break up with his mother, first and foremost.

Well, according to Vash, the OP is making it all up.

[shh!]

I didn't say she was making it up. I said she has an obvious interest in maintaining her point of view. She's broke and needs a room mate.

[Cain]

I didn't say she was making it up. I said she has an obvious interest in maintaining her point of view. She's broke and needs a room mate.

So what? If the mother said those things, the mother is manipulative. If you think that the OP is biased, you think that the mother didn't say those things.

[Junket]

Vash, you're a mommy, so your view on these things are skewed.

I'm a disgruntled child of divorced parents, and a broken home.

I think my view on these things is a little more applicable than your own. Mother is "The Man", and "The Man" needs to be brought down.

[shh!]

Oh, please. I agree he should move out... he's too old to be living off his mom. I just don't think he should be moving in with a needy girlfriend.

[Junket]

Oh, please. I agree he should move out... he's too old to be living off his mom. I just don't think he should be moving in with a needy girlfriend.

Why didn't you say so?

I agree with this post.

[Cain]

Oh, please. I agree he should move out... he's too old to be living off his mom. I just don't think he should be moving in with a needy girlfriend.

We're not disagreeing with that, Vash.

We're just saying that the mother is overbearing.

[shh!]

How do you know? Just because the needy girlfriend says she is?

I have a bridge to sell you.

[Cain]

How do you know? Just because the needy girlfriend says she is?

I have a bridge to sell you.

Based on the comments she said the mom made. If you don't think that's overbearing, you believe that the OP is lying.

You can't say that the OP isn't lying and that the mother isn't overbearing.

[shh!]

I don't know why you are stuck on the word "lying". I never said she lied - I said that you are hearing things solely from her perspective. A person does not have to be lying to be unable to see other perspectives.

[Cain]

I don't know why you are stuck on the word "lying". I never said she lied - I said that you are hearing things solely from her perspective. A person does not have to be lying to be unable to see other perspectives.

I'm not looking at perspectives. I'm looking at what the mother said. What perspective could possibly make "I'll never talk to you again if you move in with her" or calling him at 10:30 to tell him to get home any better?