why is he doing this?

[breakupguy]

Hi there,
Well my boyfriend broke up with me 5 months back. Was quite harsh when breaking up, insulted me an basically beat me down verbally... but said we could still be friends. We came back to uni (we're on the same course, but had been together for a while before uni started). Over the summer he contacted me once to ask how results went- and then just a random time to ask me a question I'm sure he already new the answer to. Anyway, we came back to uni and he seemed really uncomfortable around me, wouldn't look at me, or speak to me and basically tried to avoid all contact with me. When drunk he stand there and glare at me if I came anywhere near him, he tried to get with some girls in the first term but failed. A few weeks on my close friend (my now bf) asked my ex how he was feeling about everything he said he was feeling awkward and that it was a lot harder then he'd thought to come back and be friends with me. My mate then said "it seems like you still care a lot for each other though" and my ex agreed that we did.
I don't understand what his problem is. We never fell out- I've been nice to him since we've come back... any guys know what's going on?
oh- also, he's being a bit funny with my new boyfriend - ie won't talk to him as much any more... the other week we came to a party together (me and new bf) my ex saw us arrive and immediately left?

any thoughts on what's going on in his head?
cheers x

I'll tell you what's going on, he's pissed that your new bf is kissing, touching, and possibly having sex with his ex girlfriend. That's normal for guys to act that way. Not all do, but if that's what's going on in his head, I understand where he's coming from.

[IncognitoSir]

Sounds like he's no where hear over you and you've started a new relationship be fore you got him completely out of your system. The fact that you're seeking advice here about HIM should signify to you that you have not yet moved on as you should. I think you need to reevaluate the situation and yourself. Sucks that the new bf is in the middle of all this.

[rescueme]

Sounds like he's no where hear over you and you've started a new relationship be fore you got him completely out of your system. The fact that you're seeking advice here about HIM should signify to you that you have not yet moved on as you should. I think you need to reevaluate the situation and yourself. Sucks that the new bf is in the middle of all this.

With the up most respect Sir, How can I possibly "completely get him out of my system" when I have to see him everyday of my life at university. I have moved on in the sense that I don't want him romantically, however i will never forget how close and great friends we once were, to me thats worth something. The reason I seek this advice is to try and help him somehow to be more comfortable, and for me to try and find answers as to what he might be thinking from a males point of view. Granted, I think about him - wonder how he's doing but I can assure you I wold never consider re entering a relationship with him.
My new boyfriend knows the score- he understands this because hes having similar issues from his side. I warned him initially about the situation and he told me he didn't mind, and wanted to help me through it. So yes, it might suck to be him - though I make it my buisness never to talk about my ex with him unless he asks about it, I dont pay attention to my ex when hes there etc... and I can honestly say that I am falling in love with him despite my misgivings about the ex.

thanks for your reply -I dont mean to sound shirty x
'

[rescueme]

I'll tell you what's going on, he's pissed that your new bf is kissing, touching, and possibly having sex with his ex girlfriend. That's normal for guys to act that way. Not all do, but if that's what's going on in his head, I understand where he's coming from.

Though, he started behaving like this WAAAAYYY before I got together with my boyfriend. Literally as soon as we came back to uni.
Surely if he told me he doesnt love me, this shouldnt bother him.

[twinrexes]

Your ex broke up with you once your relationship settled into a routine. He wasn't feeling that adrenaline rush anymore that comes with new love, so he thought that meant he'd fallen out of love. Probably didn't have enough relationships under his belt to understand that the butterflies-in-the-stomach feeling doesn't last forever. And that when it goes away it doesn't mean your partner is the "wrong" one for you.

So he made up some dumb excuses (like you wear the wrong clothes) and was nasty to you in order to justify to himself that ending it was the right thing.

Then you move on and he realizes he screwed up. Even before you got the new guy. But he has too much pride to come crawling back so he just gets angry with himself and uncomfortable around you.

Make sense?

[rescueme]

Your ex broke up with you once your relationship settled into a routine. He wasn't feeling that adrenaline rush anymore that comes with new love, so he thought that meant he'd fallen out of love. Probably didn't have enough relationships under his belt to understand that the butterflies-in-the-stomach feeling doesn't last forever. And that when it goes away it doesn't mean your partner is the "wrong" one for you.

So he made up some dumb excuses (like you wear the wrong clothes) and was nasty to you in order to justify to himself that ending it was the right thing.

Then you move on and he realizes he screwed up. Even before you got the new guy. But he has too much pride to come crawling back so he just gets angry with himself and uncomfortable around you.

Make sense?

Wow- you think? Thats quite an interesting point of view. And yes... it actually makes perfect sense- though do you think me being kind to him and saying its all forgotten, happy to move on and saying Im there if he wants to talk is making him feel worse? :s because thats not my aim at all!

[SelflessnHumble]

Hi there,
Well my boyfriend broke up with me 5 months back. Was quite harsh when breaking up, insulted me an basically beat me down verbally... but said we could still be friends.

Do you find that sort of attitude towards you appealing?
I mean why does he have to put you down in order to break up with you?
This isn't natural even if it's the norm for people.
What did you do to him? What did he say to you?

Either way after someone verbally abuses you (as he did)
for you to want to be "friends" with someone who had just did that to you
usually means he's a manipulator that feeds off of your "emotions" and uses them for his benefit
and/or; you are used to abusive men in your life...

Good people don't do that and assertive people do NOT put up with it.

Over the summer he contacted me once to ask how results went
Anyway, we came back to uni and he seemed really uncomfortable around me, wouldn't look at me, or speak to me and basically tried to avoid all contact with me. When drunk he stand there and glare at me if I came anywhere near him, he tried to get with some girls in the first term but failed.

This isn't answerable due to the particulars you've omitted here.
I mean usually this would indicate that he feels badly about verbally abusing you but if he can't look you
squarely in the eyes and tell you how he feels then he's got issues that you won't be able to solve.

A few weeks on my close friend (my now bf) asked my ex how he was feeling about everything he said he was feeling awkward and that it was a lot harder then he'd thought to come back and be friends with me. My mate then said "it seems like you still care a lot for each other though" and my ex agreed that we did.

While I truly hope you work it out with your close friend (who is now your BF) -this is not a very good idea.
Based on the post above it is evident your ex still has feelings for you AND even more
apparent is the fact you still have feelings for HIM!

(Which if you didn't know is pretty messed up considering you are supposed to be in ONE relationship with ONE man)
Not having conflicting feelings for 2. -This isn't fair to your BF-

I don't understand what his problem is. We never fell out- I've been nice to him since we've come back... any guys know what's going on?
oh- also, he's being a bit funny with my new boyfriend - ie won't talk to him as much any more... the other week we came to a party together (me and new bf) my ex saw us arrive and immediately left?

any thoughts on what's going on in his head?
cheers x

I can't believe you don't see what is going on????!!!!!!

YOU: are involved with your former close friend: Now your BF
YOUR EX: Still has feelings for you and doesn't feel comfortable around YOU nor YOUR BF as a result of this.

Unless you're down for a 3 some then you need to understand how your Ex is feeling even if he
was the one to break up with you and verbally insult you when he did so.

People don't have to make sense of other people in order to understand them, make sense?
You should NOT be a friend to your ex until he hasn't any feelings for you!

Doing so just hurts him further while you are with someone else...and
even if you weren't with your current BF: You had stated your Ex was acting weird around you because:

DingDing: He still has feelings for you!
You may not realize what you are doing but now you now.
Please stop hurting him and tell him you cannot be friends until what he feels for you is
over and done with because you have moved on: then again IF you haven't moved on (mentally or emotionally)

Then you have your priorities all out of whack and need to tell your current BF how you feel: for your ex if you do.