Do I divorce or not?

[Engineer]

And yes that last question of mine does sound like I want people to affirm and agree on a decision I may already have subconciously made so I can sleep peacfully...but it isn't

[Gigabitch]

I would tell my wife that our marriage needed to change because I was unfulfilled. Seven years and no sex? Ridiculous. Either you open up your relationship to allow you to have affairs without her feeling hurt or you split up. You're too young to be acting like a geriatric with a sexless marriage.

[Sonrisa]

miss GBitch, you make this woman sound like an uneducated asian whore who married a white man to get out of the country. we don't even know what the situation actually is, maybe she still loves him and all he wants is a taste of something different. this is no different than Inc's situation, please don't let the color of someone's skin affect your advice.

[Sonrisa]

please note how not even 1 person suggested counseling which we usually suggest to all other couples.

[Engineer]

No she doesn't "love" me and never I suspect ever has like our western culture would expect. Never ever has either of us romantically hugged...gazed into each others eyes or whispered sweet nothings...language barriers or not. Other than mechanical sex early on, the closest we've been is a quick hug and kiss or with her laying her head on my lap on the sofa....and not done that for a long time either. But we never fight or argue and it has been a happy (but unfullfilled) house.

To be fair to her, that's as much to do with me and my feelings as I suspect it is with her....but at least in the past I tried!

Oh sorry, Sonrisa...I am off to first counselling session (relate) tomorrow...but by myself to talk to them to see what they have to suggest...but frankly at the moment I think its make or break time

[Sonrisa]

well, why don't you try again? go to marriage counseling, have romantic dinners, explain to her that you would like to have a more sensual relationship with her. why give up now?

[Gigabitch]

miss GBitch, you make this woman sound like an uneducated asian whore who married a white man to get out of the country. we don't even know what the situation actually is, maybe she still loves him and all he wants is a taste of something different. this is no different than Inc's situation, please don't let the color of someone's skin affect your advice.

I actually know several women from Asia involved in "marriages of convenience" personally and call them my friends. This isn't racial prejudice, it's the voice of experience. I strongly doubt she wants to be sent home like a naughty child.

[Sonrisa]

what about white women who marry out of convenience. trust me, we have a lot of those in cali.

and why would she be sent home like a naughty child? she is a WOMAN and a MOTHER and a WIFE.

that is so discriminating.

[Engineer]

well, why don't you try again? go to marriage counseling, have romantic dinners, explain to her that you would like to have a more sensual relationship with her. why give up now?

I don't think we tried in the first place and I do think it has been a marriage of convenience. Do you think that if we started from the word scratch effectively after 15 years it would last more than a few more? If it would and we could discover what we never had to start with then I would give it a go...but in my limited experience I don't know that we would.. What do you think?

Not that there is anything wrong with a marriage of convenince if it suits everyone.

[Sonrisa]

can't you just sit her down and talk to her like you do to us? tell her your concerns and desires?

[starbuck]

Didn't you say that your wife wanted to leave at one point as well? What changed her mind?

[Gigabitch]

what about white women who marry out of convenience. trust me, we have a lot of those in cali.

and why would she be sent home like a naughty child? she is a WOMAN and a MOTHER and a WIFE.

that is so discriminating.

Exactly the same thing with white women. I just don't happen to know any of them. This is why there's no racial agenda there.

I didn't suggest she be sent home- someone else did. My comment about her marrying him to get out of Thailand was in response to that.

[Engineer]

"Didn't you say that your wife wanted to leave at one point as well? What changed her mind? "

Yeah she has several times. She changed her mind because of a lot of promises of how life would get easier and better in the future for us. Slowly but surely life has...but its only now with the money that it could really change and make things materially easier. That helps, but the fundamentals of a relationship aren't....love....real respect (at least on my behalf)......faithfulness (I did have an affair).....closeness

We could sit down and talk....but after the inevitable fight...how many relationships do go on to success?

[Sonrisa]

why would there be a fight? are you an intelligent person? what kind of work/education do both of you hold?

[Incognito]

I'll be blunt....because this is what I need, I know the decision is mine and mine alone and I have to live with the consequences, but from what little you all know of this...what would be your gut instincts for me to do?

Well that all depends on your level of morality. Some people have no problems with simply having an affair, others believe in marriage to the death and others believe in conditional divorce. This really is something that only you can truly answer. However since you did ask for what my/our decision would be based on the limited intel that we have I'd say find a translator who knows Tagalog very well and have a VERY frank discussion about where you see the relationship going, and what you two will do about it.

Yeah she has several times. She changed her mind because of a lot of promises of how life would get easier and better in the future for us. Slowly but surely life has...but its only now with the money that it could really change and make things materially easier. That helps, but the fundamentals of a relationship aren't....love....real respect (at least on my behalf)......faithfulness (I did have an affair).....closeness

We could sit down and talk....but after the inevitable fight...how many relationships do go on to success?

Well for one it sounds like she only stayed because of the possibility of additional financial security, but that is just how it looks to me. As far as sitting down and talking which may result in a fight, well...... I don't see how that is any worse than divorcing. Sit down, talk, maybe fight and see what happens after. Divorce has only one outcome.....divorce. Talking about this and at least trying to work it out (preferrably with a translator who can accurately convey the words and underlying meanings of words in both languages) could end in seperation/divorce, but it could also lead to better understanding and possibly a mending of your relationship (or at least lead to the start of the mending of your relationship). It all depends on what YOU want. If this is it for you and you don't want to try anymore, then get the divorce and don't look back. If you have any doubts about that though try to talk to her with a translator.