Gave him an STI?

[vashti]

I hate to be the person to put a new spin on this, but you never REALLY know if someone is free of ALL STDs, even if they have been checked out. When you go in for testing, they test for only the most likely STDs one can contract (such as chlamydia and gonorrhea). They do NOT routinely test for everything, there are just too many things that can be contracted. Some very common infections are only tested for in the presence of symptoms (such as HPV). So bottom line is that this guy may have been (for example) HPV positive before ever meeting this girl, but asymptomatic until now.

I think everyone should take responsibility for their sexual health, but I do NOT think this girl is any more to blame than her partner was.

[vashti]

She wasn't any more at fault then her partner was but lets not give her a pass for not being responsible. I got the impression she was trying to justify. BTW I don't know about the US, but here in Canada you can ask for a FULL screening which incloude everything including herpes which is rather useless because you need to actually swab a sore to confirm with 100% accuracy. They give you a written report so just saying "I'm clean" is about as safe as going without a condom. Ask for their papers people.

Herpes is most often diagnosed by a blood test for people who are asymptomatic. I have never seen anyone have "papers" here in the states. It seems they would give people a false sense of security. I would be very interested in seeing exactly which tests are included in a "full" screening in Canada. I doubt they include everything. In the absence of symptoms, it would be very expensive to test people for things they are very unlikely to have as part of a routine screening. The insurance companies in the states would certainly never allow it.

[Wakeup]

She wasn't any more at fault then her partner was but lets not give her a pass for not being responsible. I got the impression she was trying to justify. BTW I don't know about the US, but here in Canada you can ask for a FULL screening which includes everything including herpes which is rather useless because you need to actually swab a sore to confirm with 100% accuracy. They give you a written report so just saying "I'm clean" is about as safe as going without a condom. Ask for their papers people and have yourself and them tested again at the six month mark of your EXCLUSIVE relationship and getting a second "clean" report back before going without a condom.

[upandaway]

OP you ABSOLUTELY need to tell the other guy you were with that he needs to go to the dr and get checked out.

[bombboy85]

ok so from what I see everyone here has posted about her decision to have sex etc and not about what it would make the guy think.

So here is my 2 cents on it... it really to be honest depends on the person. The first time I slept with my now wife we were using a condom but for the last few years I had issues with condoms and keeping it up... I asked her if she had anything she said no and we weren't worried about pregnancy because she had an IUD. The next day she was at work while I hung out at her house and I had a headache so I went to get some ibuprofen and I saw meds for an STD. I was shocked at first and contemplated leaving then and there and being pissed but I sat and thought about it all day. I mentioned it to her that night and she broke down and told me. I had to make a decision but it had already been made I knew at this point I loved this girl and she was something special. We are married now so it all turned out good.

Should she have told me when I asked yes... although as much as someone should tell their partners put yourself in their shoes, it is not an easy thing to admit. Plus it was the heat of the moment we had already started basically and thats just the wrong time to ask on my part.

[Wakeup]

Its' fine and dandy as long as you are both partners but if you have contracted something like herpes from her (that she didn't disclose) and you two happen to break up in a year or two (god forbid) then it would be pretty rough on you when you have to explain to every partner you may get (or want to get) physical with that you have herpes but are currently not in an outbreak. Oral herpes anyone?

What your partner did (IMO) is unconscionable regardless of what she was taking the meds for. She's lucky you didn't have her arrested for non-disclosure of a sexually transmitted desease. This isn't like she didn't know she had it and gave it to you accidentally.

This is yet another reason not to trust that your sexual partner is truthful about their desease status and to insist on a FULL screening and TWO CLEAR written reports prior to going condom-free.

[Wakeup]

Herpes is most often diagnosed by a blood test for people who are asymptomatic. I have never seen anyone have "papers" here in the states. It seems they would give people a false sense of security. I would be very interested in seeing exactly which tests are included in a "full" screening in Canada. I doubt they include everything. In the absence of symptoms, it would be very expensive to test people for things they are very unlikely to have as part of a routine screening. The insurance companies in the states would certainly never allow it.

We have a health system that doesn't depend on shoddy insurance companies that find any excuse to not have to pay for anything. If a doctor here has been told by their patient that they have been with multiple partners and the patient wants a full screening then they will test for everything through physicals, visual, blood work, swabs and smears. A report with what was tested for and the results for each test provided in writing. What O.H.I.P won't cover then it can be done through out of pocket.

I had a blood test done that wasn't covered (Something to do with a a test to see if I had had a small stroke?) and it cost $75.00 (cheap enough for peace of mind if STI/D testing is that inexpensive, I'd say) Although I'm not sure of the STI/D blood test costs.

*Anyway: Knowing that your partner is at least being conscious of sexual health by getting screened for anything they can and insisting on wearing a condom would be at least somewhat reassuring that you're with someone who is aware and doing what they can to keep themselves desease free... that's something.

Apologies.. I'll get down off the soap box now.

[vashti]

I don't know what they were testing you for, but it wasn't for strokes. There is no blood test to determine if you've had a stroke. I know this because I carry a specialty certification in stroke nursing. Strokes are diagnosed by CT scan (hemorrhagic stroke) or by MRI (ischemic strokes).

In the states, they determine through a person's history what STIs they are most likely to contract, and test for those things (along with the most prevalent infections). Why would you test for hepatitis B, for example, in the absence of any risk factors or symptoms? If each of the tests cost $75 to run, and they test for maybe 10 or 15 different (unlikely) infections, the costs obviously add up. I don't know what they put in their routine STI testing panel in Canada, but healthcare isn't free ANYWHERE, so it's impossible to imagine that the cost of testing doesn't play a role.

[vashti]

All right, fatwhore... you MUST be an old poster. Who ARE you?

[Wakeup]

I don't know what they were testing you for, but it wasn't for strokes. There is no blood test to determine if you've had a stroke. I know this because I carry a specialty certification in stroke nursing. Strokes are diagnosed by CT scan (hemorrhagic stroke) or by MRI (ischemic strokes).

Yes, I had the ct scan but was sent to have blood tests later by another Neuologist because I had the symptoms (temporarily) but the CT scan was normal. (the first one sent me for a second opinion) As I said by the "?" I'm not sure what the blood test was for (I had several) but the one I had to pay out of pocket for.

In the states, they determine through a person's history what they are most likely to contract, and test for those things (along with the most prevalent infections). Why would you test for hepatitis B, for example, in the absence of any risk factors or symptoms? If each of the tests cost $75 to run,

I'm not sure how much each test would cost to run.. Some would be covered and some would not. You don't have to pay for all tests. I had several and only paid for one.

I don't know what they put in their routine STI testing panel in Canada, but healthcare isn't free ANYWHERE, so it's impossible to imagine that the cost of testing doesn't play a role.

Our health care is free. It's also free in Britain so I hear. We do not pay to see our doctor, we do not pay monthly premiums. Some surgeries such as circumcision and plastic surgeries would be paid for by ourselves, unless they are causing other health problems. For instance: My aunt did not pay for the plastic surgery on her eyelids because they were soo... freaking droopy it was affecting her eyesight.

We pay through the nose for our booze, gasoline, cigarettes for the priviledge. $40.00 bucks for 26 oz of liquor. $11.00 for a pack of cigarettes $1.25 (or more) for a litre of gasoline. Federal, Provincial and Invironmental taxes on all purchases but we sure don't miss the money in those kinds of increments as we would if we had to pay for our own sugery and we don't worry about being turned away because some asswipe's sole responsiblity is to try his best to deny your claim.

P.S. Things like prescriptions and dentistry and eye-care are covered IF we have insurance in which case we would pay an insurance company a monthly premium and they reimburse us the cost of those things up to 80% of the cost.

[vashti]

\

Our health care is free. It's also free in Britain so I hear.

No, it's not. Your taxes pay for it.

[Gypsybell]

I know what I did was wrong but he knew what he was doing- I didn't force him into sleeping with me infact he initiated it and he didn't have any condoms or ask me if I had any. I'm on the pill but it took for us to be at it for afew mins before he actually stopped to consider that and ask me whether or not I'm on the pill so he acted irresponsibly too. It was after we had slept together afew times that he asked me if I had been checked for any STI's recently. I saw him last night and he kept going on about the virus I've given him and how he wants me to tell the guy I slept with and give him **** over it. I asked him if he's going to hate me if I have given him something and he said yes, then he said only for half an hour or so and then he should be OK. I kept bringing it up and he said the more I talked about it the more annoyed he was likely to get so he asked me to stop. He is basically itching alot down there and he feels feverish. I have got absolutely no symptoms of having anything.

Judge me all you like but I would prefer some constructive criticism. If we remain a couple then at least we will have both been checked and treated for anything we might have. If we don't remain a couple I am most definately not having sex, or oral sex, from anyone until they can prove to me that since they last slept with someone they have been checked and are clear. I am not going to put myself in this position again. We all make mistakes but as long as we learn from them then something positive can come out of it.

So given you did what you did and learned what you learned from it (the upside of being downed!) then let us not continue to kick a dead horse The present and future are what you want some positives for. First, Please make sure you are, in fact responsible for his problem (via testing) and do notify the other bloke if that's the case. Taking care of others by responsible behaviour and disclosure of slip ups is a given in decent society. Embarrassment is the minor end of the scale compared to the transmittable spectrum of horrors. Of course celebacy is the ideal, but then there are 'toilet seats, needle sticks, etc'. In a perfect world ......There wouldn't be any sweaty, physical, overriding- commonsense, fantastic SEX (Oh, I remember it well....) because we'd all be Angels and safe in Heaven, Right? ( and then there are peculiar abberations that choose to label themselves 'FATWHORE' and delight in infecting all and sundry with their S***T For Brains????)

Meanwhile life goes on and nobodies perfect. So, don't do it again, love, but get your facts straight and deal with it. If you have an std, get it treated, If you don't want to talk to the carrier (bloke you got it from) then the STD clinic staff usually take that on, if its a notifiable disease. You should just have to name your contacts. No point getting into a nasty dialogue. Its done and you want it behind you asap.

It seems to me your present man is doing his best to be cool about it and you can't expect better than that. You say you took a few weeks to progress to intimacy, so he is not a flash in the pan. Work with him on being responsible and see it from his side, he had to tell you he had an std chech. He did it before he got diagnosed (Many wouldn't unless diagnosed and forced to by law) He cares about you and he knows how you feel. He would be long gone if he didn't. Be empathetic, loving and help each other get past it. Being apart will be a positive if you communicate well and don't just harp on this fiasco til its the main event, instead of finding out what else is good, apart from sex. I wish you both well.

[Wakeup]

No, it's not. Your taxes pay for it.

Yes.. I said that. Did you read the whole post? (although I wouldn't blame you if you didn't... it was long ;o) It's free in the sense that when we need to use it, we don't have to hand the money over, nor do we have to fight a stinking privately run insurance company who employ people to find reasons why they shouldn't pay out a claim.

You Americans should try it the way we do. Your system is shoddy at best. Particularily with so many out of work and unable to pay the premiums.

[IndiReloaded]

I don't know why you think that because he SAID he was clear he actually was. Maybe he was just setting you up to take the fall with his "I just got tested and haven't slept with anyone".

Not that it matters. Either you are both okay or one of you is not. It will be interesting tho, if your test is clear and his is not.

And yes, you're a fool for not using a condom. Hope you've learned your lesson. Ewww.

[vashti]

You Americans should try it the way we do. Your system is shoddy at best. Particularily with so many out of work and unable to pay the premiums.

Our "shoddy" system paid for my daughter's life-changng brain surgery at one of the best hospitals in the world. I am quite certain it wouldn't have been covered in either Canada or England.

Our system is not perfect, of course, but not everyone is unhappy with it.