At uni and pregnant. Decided to keep it but bf has gone distant.

[hello1]

Look you got to do what is right for you and your boyfriend. People always take the woman side on this matter but you got to feel for the man too who did not want a baby.

You know what type situation your be in if you keep it. Its just a bad time you know, maybe in a year or two your boyfriend reaction may of been different. Having a baby stops your life, it really does so you need to think everything through. Do you want be a single mother? do you want drop out of uni? do you want to be with a man who resents the child as he never really wanted it?

[hello1]

Mind you he is 26 years old. He isn't that young, he should be looking to settle down soon at his age anyway. I understand if he was around your age range. Ah a deadbeat a deadbeat whatever the age

[lostnconfused22]

He has this year and next year left of uni. He was just worried about where would we live? How would we pay for it? Which are the man things the worry about. He told me he wanted a proper job and a house before having kids. I just thought to myself whatever happened we'd sort something out. My parents would be very supportive. And is it wrong the kill a baby if it was just a year or so before you would have a house and a proper job?? He didnt know what to say to that.

[Kindreason]

What about you? What about your career and what you want? It seems like you are concerned with how he feels and what his goals are,
but you deserve to consider your wants and needs just as much as he does. It's amazing to me how men are allowed to take the time to
have it sink in, but women are suppose to just accept. He can physically run away from it because he's not the one carrying the child,
but it seems inconcievable that you will do the same because you are the one who is physically with child. It just boils my blood, really.
It's equally both your responsibility, he doesn't deserve any special treatment of "no pressure" just because he has a penis. You
shouldn't be dealing with this alone. You should take the time to figure out what you really want and the importance of your career
and education.
I'm not saying you should be forceful with him, and patience is always good to have but he still needs to take responsibility, and you
need to be thinking about yourself as well, it's your life too.

I hope you do some serious thinking with your mind and not just heart and that things will work out wonderfully for you.
Best of luck!

[ShellyZ]

All the things he wanted before are irrelevant now. You didn't want this pregnancy either, it was unplanned for both of you. Accidents happen, so he really needs to stop fixating on all the things he wanted before you got pregnant. And he shouldn't be putting all the blame on you either. You're both equally responsible for the pregnancy and the baby. Of course he wants a degree and a stable career and free time to enjoy his hobbies. Everyone wants that, and I'm sure you do too. But things are different now. It's nice that you're worried about his feelings and you don't want him to feel pressured, but has he thought about the pressure that you're under? He's not the only one who had plans for his life.

He's probably still in shock or doesn't know what to say. Have you considered going with him to talk to a counselor? It's a scary situation to be in by yourself, especially when your boyfriend is having trouble communicating. It might help to have a professional to guide you through the emotional process of it. I'm glad your boyfriend will support you if you keep the baby, as he should ("I don't want kids" is NOT a valid excuse for abandoning your pregnant girlfriend). Good luck sweetheart, whatever you decide.

[lostnconfused22]

I am so ****en furious right now!! After much thought abpoout both his and my decision I made an appointment for an abortion. Just last week he said he was more then happy to take me and pay for half.. its only $115 each. And im not allowed to drive afterwards due to the anaesthetic they put you under. He rings me up this mornign happy with my decision and starts talking about all his plans for the weekend. Im happy for him and just tell him to make sure he leaves monday morning free as well have to leave early to get there. All of a sudden all the excuses under the sun come out. Over and over he keeps blaming me saying this is my fault coz I wasnt taking the pill and how this is so unfair. He doesnt have a license coz he got drunk one night an drove. Hes pretty good but still drives to uni few times a week. He suddenly couldnt go with me coz of no license. I offered to drive there n he just drive home. He sais I would pressure him about sex and then not take the pill and look what happens. He said look how much trouble this has caused. I ended up saying I couldnt drive and If he didnt take me I wouldnt be able to get it done. He then said fine ill ****en come. Like geees??? Anyone was thinking I was cutting his balls off. He then sent me messages saying dont think we ever having sex after this coz I wont know if your taking your pill rarara...

Im so upset and hurt that he couldnt even think about how im feeling and that all I wanted was for him to support me and take me down there. I know a mate whose bf went with her when she got one and brought her flowers and everything coz she was so upset. All mine can do is blame me and make me feel like shit. I cant believe it im so angry. =( =( =(

[warriormaiden]

GOD.
Well isn't he just being a perfect asshole.
I think you know what you need to do once this is over.

Dump his ass, and don't ever look back. He doesn't care about you.
I can't f*cking STAND a selfish man, it makes me want to take a sharp knife to his balls. UGH.

[lostnconfused22]

I know same... If he doesnt do the right thing and take me on monday I dont know what Ill do. I know I did the wrong thing not taking the pill properly but im not perfect and ive apoligised many time to him for this. I just dont know what changed from last week to this. I feel like writing in paint all over his ute!! :/

[ShellyZ]

What a douchebag. I bet it never occurred to him that he could wear a condom either, because apparently it's fair to put 100% of the responsibility on you. All he has to do is drive from the appointment and not be an asshole about it, and he can't even do that. God, I'm so angry for you, I can't even think. Someone deserves to be castrated if you ask me.

[warriormaiden]

He's being a f*cking immature prick.

Maybe you can get one of your girlfriends to drive you, perhaps?

[lostnconfused22]

No ive told him if he doesnt then I wont be able to get it done so hes given in. I asked him if i should just stay at his sunday night and he said 'watever you want'. Im not letting him get out of this that easily. It is not my best friends responsibility to take me even though they have all offered too. I think its bullshit he should just get to stay home and not have any consequenses. So even if I have to drag him hes coming.

[vashti]

Maybe you should think more about what is good for YOU, and less about punishing him for being an immature child. If your friend would be more supportive, I would take my friend, and leave him home.

[bloodtippedrose]

No ive told him if he doesnt then I wont be able to get it done so hes given in. I asked him if i should just stay at his sunday night and he said 'watever you want'. Im not letting him get out of this that easily. It is not my best friends responsibility to take me even though they have all offered too. I think its bullshit he should just get to stay home and not have any consequenses. So even if I have to drag him hes coming.

And you were going to have his kid?! Thank god this all happened before the trimester.

When reading your earlier posts I sensed he was being a little flaky by avoiding talking about the pregnancy. It seemed like he'd leave you or something. He's not ready for a kid and made it clear that he is on the path of what he wants to do and will support (aka send you a postcard) your decisions. Glad the truth finally came out. Get this guys genes out of you and make sure next time theres contraceptives involved. It shouldnt be a blame game of who didn't bring a condom or who didnt take a pill, if you don't want a baby then one of you better be packin.

[lostnconfused22]

There somehow was a turn around in the conversation. All this coffuffle was just coz he had already made plans with his mate to go diving. I was like why didnt you just ask me to change the date then. I dont get it.. he goes from being completely deffensive to suddenly oh everything is ok and it wasnt that bad. He told me not to come over tonight earlier but now he was only joking.

I dont think I would have gotten revenge on him it was just a nice thought at the time. Thank you all for your support. This has been a very confusing week or two. :/

[bloodtippedrose]

He is not communicating very well with you. If he had plans that day he should have just came out and said it. Then again he probably would have felt like a fool/ass for saying he wanted to go diving on the day his child is being ejected from your body. Either way your ordeal has shown that he needs to open up to you much more.
Don't let this slide that "everythings ok" now. Talk to him in person about how it made you feel and how you wish he'd tell you his thoughts more often instead of clam up or get angry. Good luck!