Rejected after a 1 night stand, need some advice. Major blues.

[kopite]

Thanks Jeanne, looks like it wasn't meant to be. I'm gonna try calling her at some point in the future, don't know when but not any time soon. I want to get back to my normal frame of mine so when I do call her im level headed and not talking with my heart. I just want to get her out for a coffee to see if those feelings were mostly alcohol related. I know quite a few have said to let it go but I'm gonna try have another pop at her, if she knocks me back again then I'll quite happily wish her luck and be on my way. Probably isn't a good idea but I'm not bothered.

[Confused81]

And then there are those who make drunken mistakes.

I disagree a little with this statement.... not 100% disagree because some people genuinely do make drunken mistakes. But for the most part I disagree

More often than not "I was drunk, I didn't mean it" is used as an excuse and it's the easy way out. It's that manner of thinking that makes people think it's ok to cheat on thier partner. And also that manner of thinking that makes thier partner forgive them stupidly thinking it'll never happen again. (trust me.... I've been there, I'm a little wiser these days though!!!)

If you can't handle your alcohol and tend to make these 'mistakes' while drinking then DONT DRINK. It really is that simple.

[xxazurexx]

I'd agree ^^ If a partner cheated on me while drunk, I wouldn't write if off and because he was drunk.

However, I know the difference between right and wrong and there is no right and wrong when it comes to one night stands. I wasn't doing anything seriously wrong and I wasn't cheating on anyone or hurting anyone in having a 'one night stand'. It was a stupid mistake I made and under the influence of drink. I was also hurting at the time and looking to get over an ex I'd just split with - I was young at the time, only a teenager.

And if the 'DON'T DRINK' comment was a sarcastic way of hitting back at me, I'm now a woman in my 30's who hasn't touched alcohol for over ten years Not because I don't trust myself under the influence, but because I just don't like the taste of it....

[xxazurexx]

Confused81 said: Would you really wanna be with a girl that is happy to take you home and have sex with her when you've only just met her??...

You could ask the same question to her. Would she really be happy to be with a guy who has sex when he first meets a woman??

Why is it wrong for her to have sex on a first meeting.....yet he gets sympathy for being ditched by a girl, who did 'exactly' same as him?? Which was, have sex the first night?

If he ended up in a relationship with her, he'd be getting what he is himself. Someone who had sex on a 'first' meeting.....

One rule for him, a different one for her.....

Stinks of HYPOCRISY IMO.....

[kopite]

You could ask the same question to her. Would she really be happy to be with a guy who has sex when he first meets a woman??

Why is it wrong for her to have sex on a first meeting.....yet he gets sympathy for being ditched by a girl, who did 'exactly' same as him?? Which was, have sex the first night?

If he ended up in a relationship with her, he'd be getting what he is himself. Someone who had sex on a 'first' meeting.....

One rule for him, a different one for her.....

Stinks of HYPOCRISY IMO.....

You are right although generally it's the women who initiates contact. In terms of that night if she hadn't have started giving me the eye and got chatting and touchy with me then I probably wouldn't have even talked to her. It takes 2 to tango though so I see where you are coming from.

[xxazurexx]

You are right although generally it's the women who initiates contact. In terms of that night if she hadn't have started giving me the eye and got chatting and touchy with me then I probably wouldn't have even talked to her. It takes 2 to tango though so I see where you are coming from.

Makes not one iota of difference who initiated the contact - you had sex with her, end of.

But hey, we make mistakes.

[Confused81]

I'm not saying I disagree with the one night stand thing, it's what works for some people and doesn't for others. And I'm not saying I've never done it either!! (16yo, young and stupid, but not drunk, hehehe it's prob worse that I wasn't drunk isn't it) Although I would never have expected anything to come of it.

My DONT DRINK statement wasn't a sarcastic remark at you azure :o) it's just a topic I feel strongly on. I love to drink and do some dumb things when I'm drunk (generally consists of spending too much money at the pub and staying out till 7am though!!!) But I just hate it when I hear people say "I did it cos I was drunk" How many times have you heard a wife beater say he only bashes his wife when he drinks. Or his wife saying "he was drunk, when he's not drunk he's a different person" etc etc. IMO being drunk is never an excuse.

Also you could probably call me a little hypocritical on the guy/girl one night stand issue. I will never judge someone for having one night stands because like I said it works for some people and not for others. But I do believe that for MOST girls there needs to be some sort of an emotional connection before they will sleep with a guy, BUT most guys have no drama having "just sex". I realise there is exceptions to this rule, and seriously maybe it is the first time this girl has ever done this but that's something we will never know. All I'm saying is he doesn't sound like the type of guy that go's looking for "just sex" and if she is a serial "one night stander" then wouldn't he prefer someone that has an emotional connection with him first.

Anyway the whole thread is not about whether it was a drunken mistake or not.....

Kopite, like I said earlier, you need to forget about this girl and write it off as experience. :o) everything that you do in your life turns you into who you are. If you are a good person then all these "experiences" good or bad are what makes you the good person that you are. It's a positive way of looking at a bad situation....

[xxazurexx]

he doesn't sound like the type of guy that go's looking for "just sex" ...

Then he should apply the rule to himself and not have sex with a female and on a 'first meeting'.He should take his time and allow a connection to grow and if a connection is what he is looking for. How many times do we tell females in these forums, 'Don't have sex immediatley with a guy and until at least he has proven himself to have a real and genuine interest'. Why shouldn't that rule apply to men also and if they are looking for more. There are women out there who can use men in the exact same way that men can use women and there is no telling which woman would use a guy and which woman wouldn't - you have to get know them firstly and to know what their intentions are.

But still, he's probably a young guy and inexperienced in relationships, hopefully he will learn from it, like we usually do.

I'd agree that there needs to be an emotional connection and for most women...I know I need to have one these days anyway. I couldn't just go out and sleep with any guy who crossed my path and I'm pretty disgusted by those women who can. At 18...well I guess I was still young and inexperienced too. Just split with a guy 3 months previous and who I'm still trying to get over...perhaps I was also looking to hit back at the ex knowing he'd find out. Along comes another guy who is good looking, pays me loads of attention, actually it was a guy I'd known for a while, he wasn't just some random stranger I met in a bar.....shit happens and the next day I regretted it and have never done anything like that since.

Like you said, no one knows her. She could be a serial one night stander or maybe it's the first time she's done it and regretted it.

[kopite]

I done a stupid thing today. I text her saying I haven't been able to stop thinking about her and that I wasn't expecting a reply but I couldn't not tell her how I was feeling.

I said my piece now. If she replies then fine but otherwise I'm over it.