Wife makes me feel worthless

[HeartIsAching]

Write up a separation agreement, and ask her to sign it. Someone like her definitely won't want to be dumped someone she sees as inferior, so it will shock her and prompt her to talk about the problem. Just tell her that she makes you feel worthless and you'd rather leave if she continues.

You actually do sound pretty worthless, and it has nothing to do with employment status. It's got everything to do with your readiness to accept her treatment.

Nice use of passive-aggressive bullshit!

[sweetkissesforu]

So you've been unemployed for a year? That WOULD be stressful (for BOTH of you). Do you have kids? Have you looked at jobs you are over-qualified for in order to make ends meet? Because that is what I would expect you to do if I were married to you.

he is still fiancially doing his part and his wife is selfish to i would have gave him the money as we are partners for richer or poorer

[sweetkissesforu]

Understand that it's likely a bit frustrating for her because she probably feels like she has to pull you guys through all of this almost on her own.

THAT said, she's being a complete bitch about it. That is NOT how you work through tough times together in a relationship. The old cliche is true, the true test of your relationship is not how you get through the good times together, but the bad ones. She's showing some pretty selfish behaviour here.

He is still paying his end of the bills he asked to borrow money my husband i would have given it to him

[BackUpOrGetStng]

Nice use of passive-aggressive bullshit!

You're right. I forgot to add that he really should leave her if she doesn't want to talk about the situation. Now it's assertive.

[Kaius]

I know how that is... being unemployed sux. I was unemployed last summer for 3 months and it nearly drove me insane. No income and I still had to pay $2000 alimony + $3000 child support per month. I seriously was gonna rob a bank or something.

I don't understand how a married couple can separate out bank accounts. I mean, everything belongs to both of you, especially money. You put it in a common pot to run the household. I'm sorry that your wife looks at money so significantly. It's true money is super important, but not as important as the marriage. Really...the marriage is way more important than all the money in the world. You can make more money, but the marriage doesn't heal itself. If she can't see that, then you guys have a long road ahead.

[smackie9]

Maybe you should ask her to review her wedding vows "For better or for worse". For some reason she feels threatened by your present situation. If you are not struggling to the point of living a cardboard box then she better take a pill. I'm all for equal paying of the bills and having separate bank accounts. It prevents any fighting over money, so I feel this isn't about the money. You may have to work on communicating with her on other aspects of your relationship, like what you are doing with your spare time....are you plopping yourself down on the couch instead of getting dinner ready? How about sharing of the household chorse or the grocery shopping? If she is working full time and you are not, maybe she feels you should be picking up the slack on those things.

[smackie9]

I know how that is... being unemployed sux. I was unemployed last summer for 3 months and it nearly drove me insane. No income and I still had to pay $2000 alimony + $3000 child support per month. I seriously was gonna rob a bank or something.

I don't understand how a married couple can separate out bank accounts. I mean, everything belongs to both of you, especially money. You put it in a common pot to run the household. I'm sorry that your wife looks at money so significantly. It's true money is super important, but not as important as the marriage. Really...the marriage is way more important than all the money in the world. You can make more money, but the marriage doesn't heal itself. If she can't see that, then you guys have a long road ahead.

Actually marriage counselors do recomment separate bank accounts and one joint for just paying the bills. I've been with my husband for 21 years and we have never shared a bank account ever. His money is his and mine is mine. If he wants to go out and buy a big screen TV or a harley davison that's alright by me, it's his dough. We have never fought over money ever. It does work.

[Kaius]

Actually marriage counselors do recomment separate bank accounts and one joint for just paying the bills. I've been with my husband for 21 years and we have never shared a bank account ever. His money is his and mine is mine. If he wants to go out and buy a big screen TV or a harley davison that's alright by me, it's his dough. We have never fought over money ever. It does work.

If it works for you guys, that's great. IMHO I don't think money should be separated out because it creates a barrier that shouldn't exist. What's wrong with husband buying a big screen with common funds and you get to enjoy it too? What's wrong with husband getting a Harley and you get to ride it too? If people advocate separation to that extent, then the relationship is more like dating rather than a marriage. Again, to each his own, I am not one to judge. I actually like the idea of having my own separate money, but I never expect it within a marriage.

[smackie9]

Separation doesn't mean a barrier. A lot of fights in marriages is based on money issues. It's not just about purchases it also being responable for one's depts. Why should a dept caused by one be the responasability of both? That causes huge friction. And the decision of what is to be purchased with this pooled money can cause arguments. It isn't fair to work your ass off only to have your spouse spend it and you not seeing a dime of it. So once the funds have gone to the bills, the rest should be saved or spent by whomever earned it. It's all 50/50 in my house. He make more money than I do, but I don't expect him to pay out more because of that. I need a car, I buy it with my own money. I don't expect him to pay for it because he brings in more money. I don't think that's fair at all. I know men get are the ones that get shafted in marriages when it comes to money. I understand how they get shafted in divorce as well. I have more symapthy for the hard working male population.

As for the TV, I didn't want it and as for the Harley I don't care for bikes. All that is his deal. I'm saving my money for a 1932 rat rod lol.

[bluesummer]

If it works for you guys, that's great. IMHO I don't think money should be separated out because it creates a barrier that shouldn't exist. What's wrong with husband buying a big screen with common funds and you get to enjoy it too? What's wrong with husband getting a Harley and you get to ride it too? If people advocate separation to that extent, then the relationship is more like dating rather than a marriage. Again, to each his own, I am not one to judge. I actually like the idea of having my own separate money, but I never expect it within a marriage.

Almost every functioning marriage I know of, the couple maintains their own separate accounts and maybe one or two for joint expenses, my hubby and I included. I don't feel I have a right to his hard-earned pay, and he has no right to mine. He earns more than I do, so he pays proportionately more of the expenses. By having my own account, I don't have to listen to him getting all pissy about me spending money on stuff I like that he thinks is crap, and vice versa. If we want a new tv or something we're both going to use we put it on the joint Visa and pay it off.

I think pooling our money would be freakin AWFUL.