Confused, scared, verbally abused by boyfriend but is it all in my head - help

[searock]

BackUp, I know you think you are helping with your asshole-ish attitude, but you really aren't, not in cases like this. She doesn't need more violence.

[BackUpOrGetStng]

Her attitude is, 'I hate what's going on but don't want to do anything to change it even though I do have the means at my disposal, because it's hard.' I don't give a **** what she needs and again, I have zero sympathy for that attitude. If she were in a situation with children, no job, no family to go to..I would have some. In this case, zero. She has put herself here and refuses to get out, and I will not be one to coddle her. I'm going to call her on her bullshit for wasting everyone's time.

I think she does need more violence, because his behavior to date hasn't been bad enough to make her realize she needs to drop him. Maybe she'll realize what she needs to do if he sends her to hospital. Either way I don't really care, because this situation is 1 million % her fault, and she consciously chooses to maintain it.

[searock]

She clearly has psychological issues, a sort of "block" that prevents her from doing what she knows she should do. I don't think virtually yelling at her or treating her like she's stupid/weak is going to help with that.

[HeartIsAching]

But when he isn't at my house he calls repeatedly, makes threats, has even climbed through a window. I can't call the police on him as i'm too soft and couldn't do this to him as deep down do care about him.

Then he wins. You'll be back here soon enough crying because he's beaten you one time too many and you don't know what to do.

Yes you do.

I'm too scared to ask him to leave as a. he gets really agressive and shouts and threatens and my family and i'm scared of what he might do and b. i do want to help him but i dont know how to anymore. He needs professional help. He stands to loose his house. He has already been through his business failing, a broken marriage and hasn't seen his 2 children in 2 years (he wont' tell me the whole reasons why but i think its drugs/alcohol related). If i ask about it he gets really angry and ends up shouting at me.

I don't know about England, but here in the U.S., those things are all actionable. That alone would be enough to get him locked up for a while.

And as for not being a doormat, on the odd occasions i stand but for myself he always beats and shouts me down. I'm too scared of him to stand up for myself and always end up believing its actually me having done something wrong or said the wrong thing.

Again - actionable. You're BEING a doormat by putting up with it at all. If you liked your life, you wouldn't be on here, so obviously you don't. Do something about it.... or don't.

[BackUpOrGetStng]

Sorry, I don't give free passes for psychological blocks either. That garbage is brought to you buy the same people who call addiction a disease. She is making a conscious choice.

Searock, people like you let people get away with murder.

[searock]

If by "get away" you mean be put in a highly secure psychiatric institution rather than in prison, then yes, in some cases: if the murderer is mentally ill, I think he or she should get medical care, while at the same time being secured so as to be unable to harm anybody else.

[BackUpOrGetStng]

I also mean shorter sentences for nonsense like "temporary insanity" and the like.

[searock]

I also mean shorter sentences for nonsense like "temporary insanity" and the like.

No, I don't agree with that. A murderer should be kept under strict surveillance for the rest of his or her life. It may be wrong, but at least he or she is not going to hurt anyone else.