He felt raped - roll-playing gone bad

[coffee_mug]

Thanks for your concern, I appreciate it. I don't think he was being a douche, he didn't know how upset I was for those days because I was keeping a distance from him. We barely spoke or texted in the following days. We don't live together and with work, school and other oblilgations we often only get a chance to see each other on weekends. I haven't seen him since Saturday.

From your feedback, I get the feeling this was a case of unclear boundaries, too casual a use of the word and my own over-turning this in my brain making it a huge deal when clearly it never was. He was clearly hurt and felt forced into something he didn't want but it wasn't to the extent I took it to mean by his use of that word. I don't believe it was manipulation so much as poor use of language and lack of understanding how we each took each other's meaning.

I will know not to take him literally in future. He will not use such extreme descriptions in future, I hope. We will work on clear boundaries and communication. Now looking back, I feel kind of silly for being so upset. I had no frame of reference and was kind of like a boiling teapot. All I kept hearing was that word, over and over again. You people have allowed me to open the spout, as it were, by talking about it thus clearing up what actually happened. I needed an unbiased third party opinion and I appreciate you posters that took the time to respond.

[bcgirl]

most guys would be super turned on by their gf doing that.

[Linerider]

When he called it "rape", was he saying it tongue-in-cheek or was he actually genuinely upset?
From your text, it is difficult to tell if he said it in humor and you took it too literally, or whether he really meant what he said and he is extremely insecure. Which is it?

I have to say that I agree with bcgirl. Most guys would find what you did a huge turn on.

[IndiReloaded]

Rape is when someone forces sex and clearly he initiated the encounter, thus, not rape. However, his emotions are reflecting some violation of boundary. So ask what it is. Sounds like a birth control issue to me.

This^. Or an STD issue. Does he normally wear a condom? Is this the first time he came inside you w/o one? This is about the only thing I can imagine would upset him.

Otherwise, its what everyone else said. Most guys would find this a turn-on.

[misombra]

Anybody who is not a sociopath would be upset if somebody said or implied that they raped somebody.

I dont think this is the last of your problems, unfortunaty.

[smackie9]

Being raped is against your will, being violated.....the dude is an idiot and should just keep his damn mouth shut...any guy would be glad to get that kind of sex, my god.

He just wanted a hand job? what a pansy.

[searock]

I think what upset him was that he tried to pull out - but she forced him to stay in. That made him feel somehow violated, not the act itself, but the fact that he wasn't able to do what he wanted to do. Obviously, this is what you get when you ask to play submissive and to be dominated. This is what safe words are for: as soon as it gets uncomfortable, you say the word and it stops.

[mwahahaha]

Serves him right for waking you up. You should never wake up a woman or a large dog. What you done was still pretty bad tho. He stated quite clearly he just wanted a tom hank and you tried to trick him in to making you pregnant. Not cool. Even tho he is overreacting and behaving a bit gay about it, i still think you should buy him a playstation as a way of saying sorry.

[broken-hearted]

She stated they use protection, so anyone that said anything about that, no, she's not gonna get pregnant, he has nothing to worry about. And definitely agreeing with everyone else. Talk about it, tell him he can't expect you to be dominant if he's going to be upset about it. And he can't be submissive and yet want you to refrain from doing things.

[kevin888]

i think its time for move on for you, if a man act like this. i dont think it is right to stay..

[cast no shadow]

I"m glad I'm not the only one who find it strange that he feels so strongly about not to come inside of you..
Did he never? If you use protection it is weird, why would he want to do it outside?

Apart from that I guess that any sexual act you didn't expect could have an impact on people.
At first he got scared, and then when he thought about it he understood that he overreacted.
It doesn't make him a bad person..

[Illusional]

tell him to get over it... and be more of a man.


raverboy