Marriage falling apart out of nowhere

[Wakeup]

Are you kidding me? My life has just fallen apart and my story is fishy? Yes I come on the internet and troll. What an arsehole.

Thanks for the chuckle. I get a kick at the way the British say ASSHOLE.

,,, and thank you for explaining how easy gmail is to circumvent privacy. O.o

Anyway, all your wife wants is her jewellery, her car and her personal possessions. Give her the car and her personal possessions. Keep the jewellery as payback for the 20k you paid off on her behalf. Or: You could forgive her (which I think you will because you sound like that sort of bloke ;o) (not recommended without extensive professional help to find out whats missing in your union) and go on your Peter Pan Adventure with her.

What say you?

Marriage Falling Apart Out Of Nowhere

Sorry about your troubles, but hardly "out of nowhere," Domey.

[bcgirl]

Please. All Im saying is sometimes the situation has to be revaluated. Like my situation, my friend blames me instead of herself, its not my fault he doesnt want her back and now wants it with me. People stray for a reason. He needs to map out the details and she should at least get half in the divorce, since their staying at her parents or were.

Do report back in 6 months from now and in sure your situation would be a lot diff.

Anyways, to the op... You made a mistake by paying off her 20 k loan. A relation isn't about one person giving and the other taking. It's about balance. Reflect back and think if she's given u as equally as u have given her. Boredom after only 18 months of marriage? What's she gunna do after 18 yrs of marriage??
Get a lawyer, file for divorce. The fact that she was still talking to her lover after u found out showed a huge disrespect on your marriage from her side. She obviously is in love with this other dude

[Dorney]

Dorney, you're still a moron. Send all the incriminating emails to your account and go to a divorce attorney TODAY.

Massively confused as to what has so far warranted calling me a moron?

[Dorney]

Thanks for the chuckle. I get a kick at the way the British say ASSHOLE.

,,, and thank you for explaining how easy gmail is to circumvent privacy. O.o

Anyway, all your wife wants is her jewellery, her car and her personal possessions. Give her the car and her personal possessions. Keep the jewellery as payback for the 20k you paid off on her behalf. Or: You could forgive her (which I think you will because you sound like that sort of bloke ;o) (not recommended without extensive professional help to find out whats missing in your union) and go on your Peter Pan Adventure with her.

What say you?

Sorry about your troubles, but hardly "out of nowhere," Domey.

Firstly, I'm sorry for calling you an arsehole. I'm under a small amount of pressure right now so I apologise.

Interested to understand your comment about hardly out of nowhere. Can you elaborate?

[Dorney]

Do report back in 6 months from now and in sure your situation would be a lot diff.

Anyways, to the op... You made a mistake by paying off her 20 k loan. A relation isn't about one person giving and the other taking. It's about balance. Reflect back and think if she's given u as equally as u have given her. Boredom after only 18 months of marriage? What's she gunna do after 18 yrs of marriage??
Get a lawyer, file for divorce. The fact that she was still talking to her lover after u found out showed a huge disrespect on your marriage from her side. She obviously is in love with this other dude

I agree with 99% here. My main worry is if this is what happens after 18 months then the future is 100% doomed. I know I have to leave.

The part where she is obviously in love with him however I can't agree with. A 10 day relationship isn't love. It's sex. In some ways that makes it worse. I'd rather she loved him.

[Wakeup]

That's okay, Domey.. no harm done.

As for hardly: You state in your subject line that your marriage is falling apart "out of nowhere" when it is very likely that it's not out of nowhere but rather there has been some red flag behaviour from her prior to your discovery of her illicit emails, that you didn't pay attention to or, there have been some issues within the union that have never been resolved. Not very often do you hear of an infidelity where everything within the marriage has been perfect... well except in the instance of serial cheaters ~ Those types will cheat even when things are incredibly perfect because sex is an addiction to them.

... yea so "hardly" out of "nowhere" is what I meant. So... what will you do now, Domey?

It's sex. In some ways that makes it worse. I'd rather she loved him.

Why would yo rather that she loved him? There are open sexual marriages where the "love" is saved for the primary partner and the extra curricular sex has nothing to do with love but rather just an itch being scratched. I've never heard anyone say what you've said from either open sex partners of monogamous ones. I have however heard it from polygamy dynamics.

[smackie9]

I agree with 99% here. My main worry is if this is what happens after 18 months then the future is 100% doomed. I know I have to leave.

The part where she is obviously in love with him however I can't agree with. A 10 day relationship isn't love. It's sex. In some ways that makes it worse. I'd rather she loved him.

With women it's not just about sex, it's about ego stroking and emotional satisfaction. With men it's about sex. Women cheat usually because of emotional neglect. This girl is just diving right in to get was she has so been missing from you. It may not be love, but it's obsession which can be even more deadly.

[Dorney]

That's okay, Domey.. no harm done.

As for hardly: You state in your subject line that your marriage is falling apart "out of nowhere" when it is very likely that it's not out of nowhere but rather there has been some red flag behaviour from her prior to your discovery of her illicit emails, that you didn't pay attention to or, there have been some issues within the union that have never been resolved. Not very often do you hear of an infidelity where everything within the marriage has been perfect... well except in the instance of serial cheaters ~ Those types will cheat even when things are incredibly perfect because sex is an addiction to them.

... yea so "hardly" out of "nowhere" is what I meant. So... what will you do now, Domey?

Why would yo rather that she loved him? There are open sexual marriages where the "love" is saved for the primary partner and the extra curricular sex has nothing to do with love but rather just an itch being scratched. I've never heard anyone say what you've said from either open sex partners of monogamous ones. I have however heard it from polygamy dynamics.

Well, let me put it another way. People can want very different things out of a relationship. I'm completely aware that something wasn't right for her or this would not have happened. But for me, all my needs were being satisfied and I was happy so 'for me' it was out of nowhere. For her, this could have been coming for months/years.

In terms of why I said I'd rather she loved him...basically, its an ego and a forgiveness thing. If she loved him then she loved him, it would be tragic but that's life and shit happens. Instead she decided to break our bond for casual sex and seek raw physicality from another man, that's hurt my ego. I guess I thought if she broke our marriage for a reason, it would have been a reason that meant something. Instead she threw it away for a secret liaison with an average Joe.

[Dorney]

With women it's not just about sex, it's about ego stroking and emotional satisfaction. With men it's about sex. Women cheat usually because of emotional neglect. This girl is just diving right in to get was she has so been missing from you. It may not be love, but it's obsession which can be even more deadly.

I'm sorry but I don't agree. You can't just draw a line and say men behave one way and woman another. It's really not that simple.

A man can cheat out of emotional neglect in the same way a woman can cheat just because she a stupid, selfish, whore. In this case, I don't know which it is, but I'm really trying to find out for peace of mind more than anything.

[searock]

a woman can cheat just because she a stupid, selfish, whore.

Nah... it doesn't really work that way. It's not much about sexual impulses, like it is for a man. It's about seeking emotional satisfaction, admiration, feeling desired.

[stan92964]

I think it’s possible to fall in love with someone who hides who they really are for selfish reasons … and when the new wares off and you find them in bed with someone else … the hurt is real because the love was real for you. The person you fell in love with was never real to begin with. If that’s true in your case, time will get you through it and learn how to get past the ”Love is blind” part of a relationship … learn to ask the right questions to get to really know that other person. You deserve something better.

[smackie9]

Nah... it doesn't really work that way. It's not much about sexual impulses, like it is for a man. It's about seeking emotional satisfaction, admiration, feeling desired.

Yup I give you 4 starts for that one. Affairs for women unusually start out as an emotional one before it leads to sex. Sometimes sex is never involved.

[HeartIsAching]

Nah... it doesn't really work that way. It's not much about sexual impulses, like it is for a man. It's about seeking emotional satisfaction, admiration, feeling desired.

Sure it can. Don't go getting all sexist on me.

[HeartIsAching]

I would however, wager that the OP's cheating whore WAS emotionally unsatisfied and cheated... but of course never bothered to actually communicate that to him in any meaningful way. Bet she moped around the house and sighed dramatically a lot.

[Wakeup]

I would however, wager that the OP's cheating whore WAS emotionally unsatisfied and cheated... but of course never bothered to actually communicate that to him in any meaningful way. Bet she moped around the house and sighed dramatically a lot.

Well, HIA if she actually had communicated her dissatisfaction with things, how could she possibly have justified (to herself) her sexual liasons after her main squeeze was doing his best to make things right with her? These "excuses" of not being fulfilled emotionally are bogus IMNSHO. Cheating is totally about insecurity and low self-esteem and being self-absorbed (nothing less, nothing more). People who are not harbouring those negative atributes actually take the time to try and fix whats wrong at the home front.