bestfriend vs boyfriend

[anachronistic]

i know that attraction is illogical for women, they love a person for no apparent reason ...it's because of that basis I 'find' women

By this rationale, a woman could fall in love with a jar of peanuts! (sorry for the poor example... it's staring me right in the face!)

No, sorry, it's not that way, and the only reason this logic is working for you is by chance.

Women, just like men (funny you should make false generalizations), are attracted to people based on certain variables. The variables are mostly appearance (how you appear. i.e. Looks, sound of voice, the way you walk, the words you use, EVERYTHING that makes you look the way you do and act the way you do) and personality (the way you think, your world views, your philosophies, how well you understand, etc. etc.)

It is simply irrational to think that women randomly like guys... as if they are some sort of poker hand. No. But I will tell you one thing; I am interested in just how the hell you came to that conclusion. Please do tell.

No cookies for you!

[IndiReloaded]

Define 'best friend'.

[genesys4]

Women DO NOT randomly like a guy! Attraction isn't a choice. Why?? refer to David Deangelo. This is not a PSA, I just learn my ways around from him.


and as for define best friend:- (the example)
she attended the same junior high with him, and she lived in a neighbor city with him. after that, she went to further her study elsewhere and at the end of our college years, she travelled to where I was studying and that's how I met her.

she came here, because she was in contact with her bestfriend, who's studying here and is a friend of mine. we kinda get together around 2 mths after she got back form here. so that's how we kinda got 2getha.

and as for the best friend, yes a guy she knows from back then until now, BUT never got into anything serious or on romantic level.

[anachronistic]

Well that seems livable for the boyfriend.

[lastwish]

Just because nobody agrees with one, does not mean one is wrong.

What you are saying is purely based on your opinion. Just because you believe its the truth doesn't mean others believe it as well.

It is simply irrational to think that women randomly like guys... as if they are some sort of poker hand. No. But I will tell you one thing; I am interested in just how the hell you came to that conclusion. Please do tell.

I do believe there are reasons but the point I am trying to make is that those reasons are hard to pin point and is illogical because it is in the subconscious. I think Cain is the only one here so far that have done some careful reading.

edit: The proper word would probably be factors or causes, not reasons.

A person might have some quality that separates them from the others...something that is purely personal to you. Perhaps...that person have something that remind you of your past.

So..yes..in a sense it is by chance. You can't control all of the things that influence who you are and what you desire.

[starbuck]

What you are saying is purely based on your opinion. Just because you believe its the truth doesn't mean others believe it as well.

I do believe there are reasons but the point I am trying to make is that those reasons are hard to pin point and is illogical because it is in the subconscious. I think Cain is the only one here so far that have done some careful reading.

edit: The proper word would probably be factors or causes, not reasons.

A person might have some quality that separates them from the others...something that is purely personal to you. Perhaps...that person have something that remind you of your past.

So..yes..in a sense it is by chance. You can't control all of the things that influence who you are and what you desire.

I think we definitely need to understand why we fall for the people we do in order to avoid getting into relationships for the wrong reasons. We need to ask ourselves, what is my life missing in terms of emotional needs? And be the ones that provide those missing elements first, so we don't look to others to fill those emotional holes.

[Cain]

Women DO NOT randomly like a guy! Attraction isn't a choice. Why?? refer to David Deangelo. This is not a PSA, I just learn my ways around from him.


and as for define best friend:- (the example)
she attended the same junior high with him, and she lived in a neighbor city with him. after that, she went to further her study elsewhere and at the end of our college years, she travelled to where I was studying and that's how I met her.

she came here, because she was in contact with her bestfriend, who's studying here and is a friend of mine. we kinda get together around 2 mths after she got back form here. so that's how we kinda got 2getha.

and as for the best friend, yes a guy she knows from back then until now, BUT never got into anything serious or on romantic level.

Regardless of how long they have been friends, I would have a problem with her spending more time with another guy. Now, I wouldn't expect that to happen immediately after we started dating, but a few years down the road for sure, I should be the guy she spends the most time with.

[boobaa]

Who says? Just because you say that doesn't mean everyone else in the world agrees with you.

I said there is no logical explanation. Which means that the reason are illogical and subconscious...hard to pin down. You can disagree with me but I think there is a component of love that is hard to explain. Love is illogical, no?

But still, what does your best guy friend have that your boyfriend hasn't? Why are you friends with him, even more friends than with your boyfriend?


From my experience with me, and experience through viewing I am quite certain that there still is some odd attraction between those friends. Girl finds something interesting in him, that is actually very attractive, but since she already has someone, she has to keep him as a friend.

[lastwish]

But still, what does your best guy friend have that your boyfriend hasn't? Why are you friends with him, even more friends than with your boyfriend?

What a women's boyfriend have that the guyfriends don't have is a romantic history and her emotional attachment which would probably be ingrained in her subconsciousness (if you understand women at all). If a women is genuinely in love with her boyfriend, her attachment to him is not easily taken away. Like the latin saying "Amor animi arbitrio sumitur, non ponitur". Translation: We choose to love, we do not choose to cease loving.

I think I have finally figured out the X factor. Thats why break-ups are usually a pain...love is illogical.

[IndiReloaded]

Women DO NOT randomly like a guy! Attraction isn't a choice.

Attraction isn't, but love is. Its easy to walk away from attraction.

and as for define best friend:- (the example)
she attended the same junior high with him, and she lived in a neighbor city with him. after that, she went to further her study elsewhere and at the end of our college years, she travelled to where I was studying and that's how I met her.

she came here, because she was in contact with her bestfriend, who's studying here and is a friend of mine. we kinda get together around 2 mths after she got back form here. so that's how we kinda got 2getha.

and as for the best friend, yes a guy she knows from back then until now, BUT never got into anything serious or on romantic level.

Okay, but length of time knowing each other doesn't make a best friend. So if that's all it is, I should say there is no problem her walking away from an attraction to this type of 'friend' if it is unwanted.

BTW, M-F 'best friends' situations also have emotional bonding, by my definition. Which is why they can cause so much problems when a BF comes on the scene.

From my experience with me, and experience through viewing I am quite certain that there still is some odd attraction between those friends. Girl finds something interesting in him, that is actually very attractive, but since she already has someone, she has to keep him as a friend.

I agree w/Boobaa on this^. And its the emotional bonding part I mentioned.

Note to the Guys: if you want to avoid this kind of situation, make sure YOU are the one she is pouring her heart & feelings out to. If you find this difficult to do, and she has a male friend who will, you are in for trouble.

[anachronistic]

What you are saying is purely based on your opinion. Just because you believe its the truth doesn't mean others believe it as well.

I am not going to waste any more time trying to teach you some common sense.

[Mish]

i have Qs,
is it a logical thing for a girl to have A(guy) as a best friend and at the same time to have B as boyfriend as well?

Totaly logical

futher, if a girl spends more time with A than B, what do you think would happen to a relationship like that?

It will all depend on the reason why she spends more time with A than B. For example her working with A and only seeing B on the weekends is very acceptable in my books, whereas her randomly sleeping over at A's house after friday night saturday night parties is not.

lastly, if A & B are best friends, what would the implications be?

It will all depend on situation, character and morale standing of A, B and the girl.

You have to become more specific with your situation if you want specific answers.

[jinx343]

i agree with mish...

[genesys4]

You have to become more specific with your situation if you want specific answers.

refer to my post, no 3 pg 2

and in addition to that, her bestfriend and I (A & B) lives in Y, while she leaves in C. so there's no such thing as she meets her bestfriend at work or what. even now, I'm involve in a long-distance relationship with her.



and to anachronistic's giant wonder of attraction, let me give you a SPECIAL lecture on how attraction works OK (for I've obtained a cum laude in that)!? because this post IS NOT about how to flirt, but how to sustain a (long-distance) relationship.

[Mish]

and in addition to that, her bestfriend and I (A & B) lives in Y, while she leaves in C. so there's no such thing as she meets her bestfriend at work or what. even now, I'm involve in a long-distance relationship with her.

Once again it depends on the situation. You are involved in an LDR (Long Distance Relationship) with her so it means that you two don't spend a lot of time together to begin with.

How does she meet with her bestfriend and for what reasons? What do they do together? How did they meet and how long have they been best friends? How do you know him?