Issues with gf's past

[KingZ]

LOL, I find it funny you think you know how women view men. Seeing how you have a penis and I have a vagina.

I said nothing about that. I said that I disagree with the notion that feeling that way about someone's past is a poor way to view a relationship with another person.

You should judge someone based on how they treat you, and the emotion you feel when you're with them.

[freewing]

I have had this exact same problem with my boyfriend during the beginning of our relationship (we've been together for almost 8 months now). He couldn't seem to forget my past although he knows how much I love him and that I'm ashamed of the way I was between the time I broke up with my ex boyfriend of 3 years and the time that I met him. Things have slowly gotten better once the truth came out, although it was extremely painful for the both of us.

I'll tell you that things WILL get better with HONESTY. HONESTY IS THE KEY. If she isn't being honest with you and is trying to portray a fake persona to seem more appealing to you, then you need to call her out on it. You need to sit down and have a serious talk with her. It is only when all the skeletons are out of the closet that you can be able to accept and eventually heal and continue on with your relationship (if that's what you want to do).
If you really TRULY love her then you need to be able to accept her past and keep it in the past and move on knowing that she's yours.

[Take2]

In my experience, confident men don't worry about a girl's past or hold a double standard. The double standard is there to help equalize the playing field for insecure little boys like the OP.

So yeah, you're right, you don't need to be with a girl like that, at least not until you grow up and learn to feel confident enough in your sexual prowess to date someone who has enjoyed sex with talented lovers before she ever met you.

And no, I have never had a guy take issue with my number of past partners. But if one did, I would count it his loss and a lucky thing for me to find out he was an insecure little boy before I wasted more of my time.

[doppelgaenger]

I'll tell you that things WILL get better with HONESTY. HONESTY IS THE KEY. If she isn't being honest with you and is trying to portray a fake persona to seem more appealing to you, then you need to call her out on it. You need to sit down and have a serious talk with her. It is only when all the skeletons are out of the closet that you can be able to accept and eventually heal and continue on with your relationship (if that's what you want to do).

This is ridiculous nonsense. Exhuming corpses will only expose you to the putrid smells of their rotting existence. I agree with Doppelmakemelol - it isn't supposed to matter; all that matters is the content of her character and how she treats you. The past is dead and gone.

[KingZ]

I agree with Doppelmakemelol - it isn't supposed to matter; all that matters is the content of her character and how she treats you. The past is dead and gone.

Shut the fu​ck up.

[doppelgaenger]

Shut the fu​ck up.

Ich verstehe keinen Befehl, erst als er auf die Befehlssprache erteilt worden ist. Also, hau ab!

[Easy12]

Those "signs" are signs she is uninhibited with her sexuality.
A cheating lying whore makes a girl a slutty girl and your perception tells me you are much too conservative to be with someone like her.

The fact she gave it up on the first date/night COULD mean she was really into you, although people's prejudices (such as your own) will arrive
at the notion she's a slut: consider the fact: you too are a slut yourself: because you happen to be there when the sex took place, lol!

If you cannot handle her past: sit down with her and tell her the truth.
Then meet an amish woman or a girl who hasn't done these types of things...If you knew: shame on you.
If you didn't know, how did you find out? Everyone experiments and the fact she is highly sexual means you aren't able to handle it with maturity.

Get out if you cannot deal with her past: which is over.

Yeh we hit it off right off the bat and the chemistry was instant. We have a very good relationship and I cant ask for much more tbh. Its just from my cultural background where for the most part our women are modest and arent as expressive/open with their sexual nature, to be with a woman who is the opposite really causes conflict. Everything in the world has its good and bad side and you have to deal with them regardless, and the good in this relationship HEAVILY out weighs the bad.

And on a side not I dont consider men sluts tbh, men can be dogs and court women all the time in an attempt to satisfay their sexual urges it doesnt make them sluts though. We are courtiers for sexual relations, women are the gatekeepers. If a women freely has her gate open, would you not consider her a poor gate keeper?

[Easy12]

In my experience, confident men don't worry about a girl's past or hold a double standard. The double standard is there to help equalize the playing field for insecure little boys like the OP.

So yeah, you're right, you don't need to be with a girl like that, at least not until you grow up and learn to feel confident enough in your sexual prowess to date someone who has enjoyed sex with talented lovers before she ever met you.

And no, I have never had a guy take issue with my number of past partners. But if one did, I would count it his loss and a lucky thing for me to find out he was an insecure little boy before I wasted more of my time.

It has nothing to do with confidence, but more so up bringing. I have been with plenty of girls and am competent in my sexual prowess, but when it comes to relationships I like to my women to be of certain value. My cultural background, like nearly all cultures outside the western sphere of influence, hold women to a certain standard in regards to their sexual relations. The way they match up to these standards reflects their value when it comes to choosing a lover. I know it angers many of the sexually liberated women of America, but that is just the nature of the world. Double standards will always exist for both men and women.

[Take2]

It has nothing to do with confidence, but more so up bringing. I have been with plenty of girls and am competent in my sexual prowess, but when it comes to relationships I like to my women to be of certain value. My cultural background, like nearly all cultures outside the western sphere of influence, hold women to a certain standard in regards to their sexual relations. The way they match up to these standards reflects their value when it comes to choosing a lover. I know it angers many of the sexually liberated women of America, but that is just the nature of the world. Double standards will always exist for both men and women.

Sorry, but BS. I have dated guys who come from non-western cultures. But every individual gets to choose to accept or reject the lessons of their culture. Particularly if they CHOOSE to live in a different culture. Holding women to a different standard of sexuality is archaic. You can either choose to continue to have a ridiculous ideal for tradition's sake and lose this wonderful mate you have found or you can work to adjust your attitudes. That is the nature of the world. And actually, I don't think sexually liberated women get mad at guys like you, we just choose different guys.

[Yet another guy]

In my experience, confident men don't worry about a girl's past.

That's probably because confident men tend to have a wild past themselves.

[Take2]

That's probably because confident men tend to have a wild past themselves.

Often, but not necessarily. I am dating a guy who met and married his ex-wife pretty young. His past is pretty tame, while mine is about average, I think. But he still doesn't worry about it. Which works out nicely, because confidence is a real turn-on.

[lawman11]

We men are absolute messes. I have been an absolute man whore in my life. I dumped a girl I really loved earlier this year because I had grown bored and we got back together several months later. She shared with me that she slept with a few guys during our time off just for the fun of it and to get me out of her head. Of course I did the same thing during that time frame. Now I dwell on the fact that for pleasure's sake she had casual sex while we were apart. Now I have this horrible feeling that she is too promiscuous and that this bodes poorly for our future. But she was married 10 years to an asshole and never cheated. I know I am applying a double standard, and I know this is a product of my own insecurity and jealousy, but findng an effective thing to do about it is quite another matter. She is confident and comfortable in her sexuality. That is the kind of woman I must have. Yet when I fall for one I get all territorial and insecure about her past. It is so unfair to the women, but so freaking impossible to shake. At least for me.

[Emerald_Dreams]

She got out of a serious long term relationship about 1.5 years ago and I am the first guy she has dated seriosuly since then. We are both 22 so were are relatively young. In between me and her ex she told me she has only been with 2 guys which for me seems like she is lying. There are a few reasons why I think she is lyin, for one she put out the first night i was with her, 2nd she used to carry lube around in her purse, 3rd she is the type of girl who makes out with her best friend(regularly) and was even willing to part take in a threesome with her and her bf, she told me she had a couple one night stands(one being in the back seat of a car), and just today she told me she had lost her virginity at the age of 14. I dunno about you guys, but to me those are all signs of a slutty girl and for me its not really the type of person I want to move forward with regardless if its in the past or not.

All these signs do point to her being a sexually liberal girl. And there is nothing wrong with that on the face of it. However, if you are looking for something else, then you should dump her and move on.

The major problem I see is not so much her past, but the fact that she is obviously not being HONEST with you about her past.

You can't have what you want. Because what you want is her, and her being practically a virgin, she isn't. Your options are 100% absolute and simple: get over it, or dump her. "Talking" about it don't do shit. Why? Easy, what the hell is talking about it gonna do change it? No. She's a bit promiscuous, either accept or dump. End of story.

Well for one, you present a false dichotomy here between "slut" and "virgin" - there are indeed shades of gray in the middle. You also forget to mention she is also a LIAR and not being HONEST with the OP.

Sorry son, it does make you a slut... I know how it is... I've lived through being judged several times, I don't give a flying rats penis... you're just as much a slut I am for getting down with me.

You're going to have a butt f*k tough time here if you keep this attitude up. You won't last long on these forums son, trust me.

Girl68 you're a joke.

[girl68]

Glad you laughing

Take a look at my post count, then take a look at my thanks. I'm here, I'm staying. Goodluck.

BTW- she should NOT be honest about her past, in fact it shouldn't even be discussed in the first place except for the STD fact, sexual history should stay there and not be brought present.

OP- you were the idiot that slept with her the first night, if putting out on the first night was a big a problem as you're making it you should have not seen her again after that night, you did- your fault.

[Emerald_Dreams]

Take a look at my post count, then take a look at my thanks. I'm here, I'm staying. Goodluck.

Because loveforum.net is serious business! One tiny Internet forum has real impact on the world! Life and death decisions that affect entire continents are made here! As such, I am very impressed by your pixels!

/sarcasm

No but really, is that all you got?