She left me after 3 years :/

[Spaz1one1]

I just wanna know theres still some chance out there...
I mean you cant just throw three years away. Maybe eventually she'll realize... But I just dont want to know that my chances of getting her back are absolute zero.

[cmacattack1]

I did the same thing you did when my ex dumped me. I kept pushing and prodding because I knew she had feelings for me and in a way it was manipulation. And it's selfish because they want to heal but you bringing it up is just digging at the old wounds. It just pisses them off more and reduces your chances. Part of me even wanted to push her to the point where she would either give in or just tell me that she never wanted to talk to me again, so that I would finally know what chance I had and then the healing could occur and I could move on. Anything to end the pain I was in. Don't do that. Not only is it foolish, but it's very short sighted. You don't know what the future holds and people do reconcile in the future. This doesn't have to be the end of everything. Don't be selfish now and push her away even more. You will regret it once you are feeling a little better about yourself.

What was going on before wasn't working and now you need some space apart to grow and then you might be able to try again in the future. If you have that chemistry and feelings, it shouldn't be difficult. You gotta bite the bullet and be on your own and take this suffering like a man. You are going to be stronger for it.

[Spaz1one1]

cmacattack, I actually went as far as you did as well before, and it didnt end up well. She ended up telling me that she never wanted to be with me again and w/e. A week later she called and kept texting/calling and I remember one of her texts:
"I thought you wanted to be friends". Well, she texted me over 5 times that day and the next day as well so I dont think she just wanted to be friends, she missed me.
I picked up and I told her, "Why are you calling me I told you dont call me unless you wanna fix things with me. You said you NEVER want to be with me again so why do you keep bothering me?" and she told me the reason she said all the mean stuff in the first place is cuz its the only way that i would leave her alone..
So all this time all she wanted was space and I've never gave her it. I never gave her it because Im so afraid that I give her the space she needs, she'll end up not wanting to get back with me. Which I shouldn't worry about cuz its her decision anyway... But Idk. I guess the space has to happen now before later. But I dont know how long to wait. What if she never contacts me? Should i Initiate contact with her after... a month or so? Idk

[cmacattack1]

My ex wanted space too and she even said it. I was kind of confused because I wasn't giving her enough attention before and she even told me that "I was the one, but not right now" when she dumped me. But the actions say it: she dumps you, she wants to be apart. In a way they like the attention after, because it boosts their ego but ultimately it just confirms that what they did was the right decision. You don't want that.

Is it possible that she won't talk to you again? Yes. Is it very likely? Absolutely not. At some point down the road she will contact you because something will have reminded her of you. Maybe as friends. Maybe as something more. I know each day that passes by she can meet somebody else and it feels like the clock is ticking. But there isn't anything you can do that will bring her back, she has to want to give it another shot. What you do with this time to better yourself will improve your chances of her wanting to try a new relationship with you. Or you will be more prepared for the next relationship. It's a win-win.

You stick to no contact as long as possible, there is no timetable for it. The longer you do, the better chance that her contacting you will have more meaning. You might not be ready for a relationship right now, but I would give dating a shot. You never know who you will find and it might be an improvement off what you had with your ex. And it will help the time pass instead of waiting by your phone for her to call. Because if that's what you are doing, you are a highway to insanity my friend.

Your ex is currently dating around. She's looking. Why not you too? As long as you are doing it for the right reasons and know what you want and are ready for that, you can't lose.

[Spaz1one1]

Yeah true true..
But when the time comes, IF the time comes and she contacts me and wants to be friends... I wouldnt know what to do.
I am sure at this point that I will never want her as a friend, for my emotions will ALWAYS come back if I see her.. So I guess I'm better off saying No at that point. But then again, only time can tell. and Maybe my decisions will change as well

[cmacattack1]

I thought I didn't want to be friends either and alot of that has to do with the emotions riding high right now. You don't know how you will feel months down the road, or next week or even tomorrow. When that time comes, and you still have that feeling, you can decide what to do with it then.

[Spaz1one1]

Yeah only time can tell.
I just hope it turns out for the best of both of us.

If she does initiate contact first, and I ignore and she bothers and bothers and bothers,
This would somewhat be a sign of that she wants a bit more than a friend perhaps right?

[cmacattack1]

It might be a sign, but you don't know what she ultimately wants unless she tells you directly. I wouldn't bother spending too time interpreting her actions. If she contacted you to say hi and see how you are doing, than you take it as just that. You don't need to ignore her. That's just being rude on purpose. You can explain to her why you don't want to talk to her, and that's okay. Don't play a game here.

[Spaz1one1]

Yeah, I won't disrespect her and I think ignoring her would show some immaturity on my part..
But anyways, I think todays Day 1 of the NC. I can't take this anymore, she either is coming back or not. I don't wanna be her little doll that she can come to whenever the hell she wants.

It hurts so much, but I know this is the only way. The only way to heal and move forward. If she ends up contacting me, I actually don't think I'm going to answer, atleast not on the same day. If she never contacts me, then it'll just be making it easier for me to move on with my life. In the end, I believe it's her loss. I'm too good for this. I understand the reasons she left me, and I have in my eyes fixed all of them, and even improved other aspects of me relating to relationships. If she doesn't want my love and affection and doesn't want to give it another shot, then shit, someone else will get it.
Thank you for all your help and support I really appreciate it

[cmacattack1]

No problem man, and don't take it personal if she doesn't want to give you another chance. Her memory of you is going to be your relationship you had, and it failed. That's a strike that will always be against you. That's why the success rate of reconcilation is slim to none. When you fall off the face of the earth, it will give you time to dissapear and it will be a sharper contrast of how much you changed when you do talk again. It's not a smooth ride but it does get easier. We'll be here for you if you have to get anything out, good luck.

[Spaz1one1]

I appreciate it.
And I just woke up, and dam is the pain strong

I understand disappearing is the best option right now atleast so good I'm doing the right thing.
But I keep sorta getting my hopes up by telling myself "Ok, she's said worse things before. The longest she went without contact is 3 days, she still has strong feelings for you, she never really got her space, etc". :/

[hoggy522]

Dont be like me and give in to her if she contacts you.
My ex only starts txting me when shes not on MSN to her new interest and when im on MSN she doesnt even talk to me.
When i tried the no contact i got to the 4th day and she decided to txt me (guilt trip) by putting "Does this mean you'll never speak to me again, that thought makes my heart ache " - i fell for it.

Okay this is not my thread but i have a question...

When your ex is still physically attracted to you and has strong feelings for you (long eye contact, closeness), does this ever fade away or for some people will it always remain?
My ex commented to me one night just how "fit" i am :/ And she always makes comments like that to me.

[Spaz1one1]

Take it strictly as just a compliment.
It's hard for her to lose physical attraction to you, but yes it does happen.

The last time I saw my ex girlfriend was 8 days ago, and she was clearly still physically AND mentally attracted to me.
We had sex as well . She was head over heels for me.

But seems to me like once they get a taste of you again, once they get the comfort from you after seeing you, they just lose interest all over again when they go home..

[hoggy522]

Yeah i know what you mean, my ex was only interested in me when i was round at hers then as soon as i got off home she hadly chatted to me on MSN.

But like you i just feel like showing her a good time and taking her out before the American dude flys over here, i just want her to see me as a good person and not the angry/pleading person she had to put up with when she first broke up with me.

[Spaz1one1]

Yeah just don't push things with her.
Be that cool, laid back, awesome guy you were that first attracted her in the first place.

There's a reason why she left you, and perhaps you're attraction has alot to do with it.
Not that you're not attractive, but when we (some people like myself) are in long term relationships, we tend to start losing..grip. I've been with my ex for 3 years and the first was great of course. But after about 2 years, I started to stop trying sort of, cuz it kinda became a routine to me and I felt like I had her so I didn't have to try. So flip it back to the way you used to be. Give her reasons to choose you over the American. But whatever you do, don't be her little play doll. Act mature and don't try forcing/manipulating her into giving you another chance because that's honestly ALL I've done these 3 weeks and look where it's left me. Farther away.