Can you *learn* to love someone?

[searock]

There is plantonic love and romantic love. Neither are the state of being "in love" What I'm saying is that far too many people mistake lust as being "in love." Infatuation as being "in love" and when that lust/infatuation wanes they then think they simply "love them but aren't in love" That's the nonsense I'm referring to.

I agree that infatuation and being in love are two different things, and that a lot of people mistake the former for the latter.

I think there should be a distinction between platonic love and non-romantic love: you can love someone non-romantically, and still be sexually attracted to them.

[Wakeup]

you can love someone non-romantically, and still be sexually attracted to them.

I call that "like"

[Maple1714]

Let's try and take the words "love" "lust" "infatuation" out of this for a moment. Our language defines how we process emotion and how we see the world. It's so hard to define what "love" is....the different types...the stages etc...

Think about the person you are with, or picture yourself with...think about who your life partner will be. It's all personal preference really...what do we want? What are we going to be satisfied with in a partner? Some people want that intense "spark" or butterfly feeling in the beginning of a relationship, others may not need that. Some people want to feel very sexually attracted to their partner and that's more important to them than other things a person can offer. What I am saying is we all want different things from a relationship and we all define "love" in different ways. Figure out "love" means to you and what you want your life to look like and go get it. There is no right or wrong answer.

[searock]

I call that "like"

It's different though, it's a stronger feeling than just liking someone. You do care for them and want them to be happy, they are an important part of your life, they may also feel like "family". You just don't love them romantically, but you do love them.

In my language there are actually two different words to express romantic love and non-romantic love (which includes love with sexual attraction but no romantic feelings).

[Wakeup]

It's different though, it's a stronger feeling than just liking someone.

Yes.. that feeling is lust.

You do care for them and want them to be happy, they are an important part of your life, they may also feel like "family". You just don't love them romantically, but you do love them.

Sorry, just lust, perhaps "fondness" even but "love" Nah! not the way I see it anyway.

[searock]

Yes.. that feeling is lust.

No, lust is infatuation. I'm talking about when you love someone, like a close friend or even a partner or husband, and you are sexually attracted to them (not in an irresistible way such as in the infatuation stage), but you don't love them romantically.

Sorry, just lust, perhaps "fondness" even but "love" Nah! not the way I see it anyway.

I find it very strange that there isn't a term in english to describe such a feeling. Yet I'm sure lots of people have experienced it even in english-speaking countries.

[Wakeup]

Are you Greek, Sea?

[searock]

I'd rather not say... but I'm telling the truth about my language :-).

[HeartIsAching]

No, lust is infatuation. I'm talking about when you love someone, like a close friend or even a partner or husband, and you are sexually attracted to them (not in an irresistible way such as in the infatuation stage), but you don't love them romantically.



I find it very strange that there isn't a term in english to describe such a feeling. Yet I'm sure lots of people have experienced it even in english-speaking countries.

Lust and infatuation are two different things. I've lusted plenty of women I was not at the least infatuated with.

[searock]

What I'm saying is that there is infatuation, non-romantic love, and romantic love.

Lust is a component in infatuation and romantic love, and it can be a component in non-romantic love as well.

[Wakeup]

Ok, then there is lust, infatuation, non-romantic love, and romantic love.

More like: Platonic Love and Romantic Love. Lust and infatuation have nothing to do with love although they can lead to it.

I think you're thinking Greek if you're not outright Greek, Sea;

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Greek_words_for_love

[searock]

More like: Platonic Love and Romantic Love. Lust and infatuation have nothing to do with love although they can lead to it.

I still think that romantic love should be opposed to non-romantic love. Platonic love is a specific kind of non-romantic love, it is the kind of non-romantic love in which there is no lust.

For the differences between romantic love and non-romantic love, see my first post in this thread (#10).

Those ancient greek words aren't precisely what I mean.

[Wakeup]

I still think that romantic love should be opposed to non-romantic love. Platonic love is a specific kind of non-romantic love, it is the kind of non-romantic love in which there is no lust.

Yea... that's called Platonic love. lolzzz.

[searock]

If with the term "platonic love" you also encompass love that is non-romantic but that has a lust component, then I agree.

[Wakeup]

Then I guess we disagree. :o)

Platonic love is what we feel for our Mothers and our Fathers, our children, our pets etc. It has nothing to do with Romantic love whatsoever. There is no lust leading up to it. However; there can be infatuation. The hubby and I were totally infatuated with our daughter when she was born.