Her sex history bothers me

[Valixy]

Well, I am not so sure women who behave a bit crazy every now and then when they're single can't be given a chance. I know someone who was married for 20 something years, had four children, one of them was born with a serious mental handicap and was a slave of her family for all that time. When they were both in their fourties, the husband left her for someone younger. She went through a phase then when she wanted to meet men, actually the man of her life but didn't know how I suppose and she obviously wasn't used to going out and she couldn't afford too much of that anyway. So she started to use internet dating and for a few years she met quite a few men. She tried and hoped every time to meet the right man for her but well, that wasn't so easy. She had the best intentions every time she met someone but things rarely worked out and I suppose that having her four children still living with her at that time didn't help either. She confessed to me once that she had met a guy that asked her to fulfil one of his fantasies and meet another man at a hotel and have sex with him while he could watch them. I don't know why she did that or if this was a single time thing but I'm sure it sounds crazy to most of the people. And well she has been a wonderful mother all her life, a good wife for so many years and a great teacher in a nursery where so many people used to bring their children for and because of her. She really was a fantastic teacher and both children and parents loved her. It has probably taken her 10 years more or less of internet dating to find the right guy for her and maybe the fact that three of her children have become independent has helped too. She is very happy with this man and he is too, they really are great together, the kind of couple that looks so much younger and enjoy each other very much and this continues after two years of relationship. Should this man had known about the encounter she had that night, maybe she wouldn't have had any chance with him and they would have both lost a really wonderful relationship.

[michelle23]

I agree Valixy but I think after separation or divorce it is much different to when you are in your 20's. I think as you get older it doesn't really matter especially if you have been badly hurt along the way. But to many young people my age-it is a big deal coz a 20 something year old shouldn't have so much baggage and issues. We are starting off thinking we want the happy ever after and anyone who shows signs of being a player is usually deemed untrustworthy by someone who is seriously wanting to settle down and have a 40 year marriage with someone they can trust. Nobody wants to waste 20 years on the wrong person like your friend did and I think anyone would go a little off the rails after something like that happening but at my age, it should be easy to pick yourself up, dust yourself off and try again without resorting to sleeping with half a football team

[scotty17]

I didn't know I would have to tell you the rest of the story but here it goes.

I am currently doing a not very exciting job and do not have a degree. This is unacceptable for me and for her parents. I am by the way the first one she introduces to her parents. The thing is she has graduated and has to go back in China while I am doing my degree here in UK. So it's gonna be 3 years apart from each other in a long distance relationship. Everyone seems to agree that things can't work and there is no way we can wait for each other.
Actually, before reading some of your answers, I didn't think that it could be a problem. It won't be easy, that's for sure, but not impossible. She knows I am doing that for her, to offer her a better life and she told me she would wait for me. She will live with her parents in the meantime.

What do you guys think? Crazy dream or future nightmare?

[horndog]

"She meets one on his place, she stays and fcks there 3 days. She realized he doesn't care about her and leave. But stays in contact. Later, she goes to another city, alone, and decided to go to club. One thing leads to another and she fkcs a third one in a parking lot. The fourth is another man she finds on her app. The final one is me. "

Just curious, you said "The final one is me", Are you saying she also met you on on an app? if not how did you meet. You were unclear.

[michelle23]

Nightmare. Long distance doesn't work. You will meet other girls in college every day, you will eventually want to date someone else coz the distance is too much (no sex, lack of communication, lack of trust, you will run out of things to talk about etc plus the emotional connection between you is not strong enough to survive a month apart-let alone 3 years).

Just end it now. Its all just a fantasy. Go and get your college education and meet a local girl

[scotty17]

Michelle,

A few things I want to add. I am doing my degree via distance learning (open university) because I have to work full time to support my studies. So I won't meet college girls. We will see each other around 4 times a year for at least one week, which is not too bad I guess.
Is it possible that her cultural background, different from mine, would change the way we look the whole thing? Apparently, this rather crazy eternal love and love at first sight is common there.

Regarding her sex history, does the fact that some of her female friends fck around made her think it's not that of a big deal? She besides told me that after she gave her first time, she thought it wouldn't matter that much anymore. But she feels bad about that and I'm making her feel awful when I raised the subject. She regrets it.

Horndog, we didn't meet on the app, she met me at my work.

[michelle23]

It doesn't matter whether you meet girls at college or not. You will meet them at work, on nights out, walking down the street. Eventually you will start to feel lonely or find yourself tempted by others due to the lack of physical contact with her. You could confide in another girl, become close friends, develop feelings, have an emotional affair. If you trust yourself not to physically cheat-great but how do you know you can trust her when she is at the other side of the globe?

The difference in background is huge. Religious and cultural differences could get in the way. I know a guy who married a thai girl and its tradition for him to support her whole family. He is always completely broke.

I think if she sees sex as just sex and you see it as more than that-then you are not compatible. You should be with a girl who shares your view on sex as it is far easier to trust each other that way when you are on the same page. People who see sex an no big deal are more likely to cheat or to want open relationships, threesomes etc etc If you want a committed, monogamous relationship with a lot of trust-then its easier to find with someone who sees sex as an emotional thing which is a big deal.

[dickriculous]

Is it possible that her cultural background, different from mine, would change the way we look the whole thing? Apparently, this rather crazy eternal love and love at first sight is common there.

Not really. I mean, rape is still considered normal among certain cultures but that doesn't mean they can impose that as a norm into other cultures around the world under the "oh but you're supposed to commit rape where I'm from!" banner.

Common is not a synonym for right. Slavery was once common. Killing people for not sharing your religious views was once common. Xenophobia still is common in many areas in the world. Homophobia and racism are both still common in many manifestations in some parts of the world.

Regarding her sex history, does the fact that some of her female friends fck around made her think it's not that of a big deal? She besides told me that after she gave her first time, she thought it wouldn't matter that much anymore. But she feels bad about that and I'm making her feel awful when I raised the subject. She regrets it.

It has nothing to do with the fact that she fukked around. See post #15. Multiple partners in one's past in and of itself is not a bad thing, it's the fact that she sells her pussy for affection. You talk about the "what" as if it's what matters, but it's not what matters at all. It's the "how" that makes this scenario a deal breaker according to pretty much everyone.

And lol @ the last part of that quote, does she really have you that fooled?

[scotty17]

Yes, she fooled me. I completely trust her.

[dickriculous]

Not surprising, a woman's tears and guilt tripping has a way of reducing an inexperienced male's IQ by about a hundred points. I kind of begrudgingly admire the evil genius behind this special power of femininity, especially since whenever I try to play the same card everyone just thinks I'm a pathetic baby.

[fraser]

Why does it matter about being her first, second or third? Surely the only important thing is that your her last!?

[scotty17]

Did I mention she never used a condom before me and that she was drunk most of the time she did it?

I feel so empty right now, ignoring what to do as I truly and utterly love her. I am ready to do whatever it takes to deserve her, aka working and studying full time apart from her for three years.

I don't know what to think anymore. Please help me.

[michelle23]

Go and get tested for STDS. Other than that its your choice what you do but IMO noone is worth waiting 3years for.

You sound v young and naive. You will learn in time

[basilandthyme]

Scotty, you say you truly and utterly love her. But true love is about the acceptance of the bits of our partner which aren't so perfect to us.

[Frog Princess]

Here's the thing. Both of you are young and she sounds like she is really broken from her previous relationships. She is looking for someone to love her, but she might not be ready. Your relationship is based on codependency (there's tons of info on the web about it) and she has low self-esteem. None of this makes her a bad person or a whore; however, she needs help. You cannot be her hero and rescuer as you have some growing to do yourself. These types of relationships can go on for years consuming both individuals. Get out while it's still fresh.