I don't think an open relationship is a good idea? am i being selfish?

[IndiReloaded]

Well, if you're cool with it then what's the problem? Do you care what other people think? You shouldn't. Just do what works for you.

[eve.ashley]

Well, if you're cool with it then what's the problem? Do you care what other people think? You shouldn't. Just do what works for you.

cool with what?

well, i was actually interested to pick random people's brains on the matter of open relationship, yes or no, that's all.

i wasn't aware of the fact some people will try to assume stuff about my relationship in particular, or call me or my partner names.

but that's all part of living dangerously and joining a forum, i think,



it's all good.

thank you for your replies.

[IndiReloaded]

Cool with having an open relationship, I meant (its your thread). But I understand now you are just gathering opinions. I would have just made a poll + your thread.

Wakeup is always like that. She enjoys making obnoxious guesses, but gets it right often enough to reinforce her method. She gave up cigs and, she's old and bored (retired) and unapologetically cranky. Calling her out won't get you anywhere, just see past or ignore.

[eve.ashley]

Cool with having an open relationship, I meant (its your thread). But I understand now you are just gathering opinions. I would have just made a poll + your thread.

Wakeup is always like that. She enjoys making obnoxious guesses, but gets it right often enough to reinforce her method. She gave up cigs and, she's old and bored (retired) and unapologetically cranky. Calling her out won't get you anywhere, just see past or ignore.

yes, i'm picking people's brains, simply that.

i have figured as much about the lady in question, she doesn't bother me too much.

i am curious though as to how the lady tests her theories in practice?

meets the people from the forum?

i mean even for a very bored, old lady, on an internet forum - she is very negative, rude and assumes way too much.

like i said it doesn't bother me too much, i have said to her all i felt i need to say.

we a re cool now, icy.



my protest was simply shock, because this is a forum where we should share ideas about subjects, not attack each other personally, or our lives.

what good can possibly come out of anyone calling my partner names, that's not constructive, likely to be accurate, or the point of my thread.

[IndiReloaded]

I'm pretty tolerant eve, and I'm finding you irritating. Now, that's mostly my problem as the internet is caveat emptor, but just saying that you're new here. Sometimes when you are new its best to get a feel for the place, and give us a chance to get a feel for you.

Anyway, welcome. I look forward to getting to know you.

[eve.ashley]

I'm pretty tolerant eve, and I'm finding you irritating. Now, that's mostly my problem as the internet is caveat emptor, but just saying that you're new here. Sometimes when you are new its best to get a feel for the place, and give us a chance to get a feel for you.

Anyway, welcome. I look forward to getting to know you.

i actually have no desire to know you. thank you for leaving me alone.

[IndiReloaded]

Ah, mission accomplished.

[woody]

hey woody,

no darling i didn't say he should sow his oats, lol, someone else did. i know long post and we all skim through.

i'm not worried about his age, i'm not sure where you got that from, but i am trying to be respectful of it.

none of you need to take his age into account as seriously as i do, coz none of you want to grow old with him, like i will

what i mean is, even thought i am ready for a child, i was planning to postpone it till he is ready, but that is now beside the point, since he is already a dad.

he did use condom(s), lol, only her condom(s). at the time he thought nothing of it.

we did all try to give her a benefit of a doubt, but you have to understand me and his family as well.

she never gave someone we love very much any say in whether he becomes a dad or not.

it isn't fair that a woman has an option to terminate the pregnancy but a man doesn't.
it should be a legitimate thing to say, i am 23 i do not wish to be a dad now, i have a relationship with someone else and frankly, do not like you other than sexually, please do not make this fetus into a person.

it absolutely should.

i wish women squeamish about abortion would not have casual sex with people.

one more reason for my doubts about her motives is the way she is handling the fact that i am in the picture.

she is worried her child will grow up around me, what a good thing to think about before you have a child with a complete stranger you met online and shagged.

she knows nothing about my bf and she decided to have a child with a man she knows nothing about, except that he is handsome, seems smart, has a big penis and loads of money.

i wonder if she would keep a child of a broke 23 year old. further more she is trying to use their child to police his relationship.....but not to digress too much.

she is what she is, and she is nothing the two of us cannot handle.

let me get back at the issue at hand here.

no he did not ask to have an open relationship, this was something he said years ago, that he would feel better starting as an open relationship with someone.

since then he also said some very monogamous stuff.

it's like you said, i feel the NEED,, to give him as much freedom, as possible.

given it's his first committed relationship, if i can help it, it will be his last, and he really was recently victimized, by a selfish, immature woman who wants to play like big boys, but is turning out to be very confused 18 century woman faux feminist crossover.

this thread is all me and my thinking.i am away from him, confined to bed and have too much time on my hands to (over)think...

thank you for your replies and for reading.

- - - Updated - - -



yes, yes i do agree.

you are also very oversimplifying something as complex as 40 years of relationship, which i plan to have with John, but that's ok, coz, as much as you are oversimplifying, i am overthinking, right now.



we are just trying to help each other here and share some opinions, right?



end of the day we all go back to our lives and make our choices and hopefully enjoy them.

thank you for your input.

Oversimplifying or making a little joke? Maybe both?
The age thing was mentioned by me because you brought it up. Not worried about it though? FAir enough, REspectful of it. okay.
What be the diff between an open relationship and soaring ones oats? (albeit hopefully with a condom that flippin works) and i'll talk about baby further down because frankly I'm pissed.

I say again, seems this isn't just about you considering his lifestyle. And who gives a rats hairy arse about his so called big dick, seemingly smart (debatable) knogen or his bank statements. Why even bring that up? Who f__ ing cares? They've nothing to do with love.
Which brings me to my next thing that kinda bugs me.
Hey, I get your trying to approach your relationship with a compassionate stance; great. But with this lady who had the baby. You went on and on about her and her faux this, and misplaced that. But what i didn't hear was anything about this baby.
The adults, all of you need to buck the F--- up, grow a pair and figure sh-t out. There's a child involved now and nothing else matters in lue of how you all feel about one another.
This child is a human being and doesn't need the flippin drama of adults bickering about, laying blames and boo f__ing hoo's all over larry.
Does that make sense?
I apologize for my bluntness (sort of) but your words seemed focused on the adults only and very very little about the actual well being of this little child your man helped by half to create wether dick wanted to or not.

[Wakeup]

it should be a legitimate thing to say, i am 23 i do not wish to be a dad now,

It is a legitimate thing to say and if you had the reason to logic you would see that any responsible young man who does not want to be a father would MAKE ****ING SURE that he had his own condoms and that he ran water through them after spewing in them in order to check for leaks.

Like I said, your player man is an immature opportunist. He's got You totally brainwashed into thinking he is some innocent bystander. Sadly!

I do hope for the child's sake that the mother has sought child support payments. Its what little boys who don't take responsibility for their own sperm end up having to do.

[eve.ashley]

The adults, all of you need to buck the F--- up, grow a pair and figure sh-t out. There's a child involved now and nothing else matters in lue of how you all feel about one another.
This child is a human being and doesn't need the flippin drama of adults bickering about, laying blames and boo f__ing hoo's all over larry.
Does that make sense?
I apologize for my bluntness (sort of) but your words seemed focused on the adults only and very very little about the actual well being of this little child your man helped by half to create whether dick wanted to or not.

no, i agree.

my partner has grown a pair, long time ago, he was barely out of his teens and already better at being a man, than most men we've met, so i have complete confidence in his ability to handle this very complicated situation in the best way possible.

this is literally why we are together in the first place.

i was not confident we would be a good match, when we first met.

13 years is a significant age difference and our lifestyles seemed different...etc

but over 3 years he has showed me more character, integrity, love capacity and kindness than most men i know put together.

the fact remains, it is a very complicated situation and my bf is a person as well, and nobody gets to violate his personal boundaries.

dads are people as well, they are not robotic martyrs with no human rights.

in fact a miserable, man will not be a good father to anyone.

so while my bfs job is to be a dad to his son, he also has to make sure his boundaries are not being violated...

i have nothing to do with that, that's not my place at all, my job is to make sure his needs are met...etc.

baby momma did not know much about a man she is now co parent with, that was the choice she made, the situation is less than ideal in every sense, but shit will be figured out, lol, as you said.

[bulrush]

An open relationship is not for everyone. If both people are not comfortable with it, it should not be done.

I've done it, because I was curious. It was fun, but it only worked because we had excellent communication, we hid nothing from each other, and we both agreed to it.We also incorporated it into our role playing, so the open relationship added to what we had.