How to get an ex back?

[IndiReloaded]

You don't have to ignore her, but don't be there for her all the time. If she really loved you, she'll definitely miss you. If she wants to be with you, she'll definitely miss you. Time only heals all wounds if she DOESN'T want to be with you.

Okay, I agree with this. For a couple of posts, Cain, I thought you were doing a 'misery loves company'.

[Cain]

Do what Nisha said. Be her friend. You want her back, not to forget her, right?

Cain is NOT the expert on keeping relationships (sorry baby, but true).

If a friend broke off all contact with me b/c I was going thru a hard time & needed time to sort myself out, I would NEVER be interested in getting back with this person. Ever. Its a sign of selfishness, esp considering her situation.

You don't need to be her doormat, but you should be able to be understanding and decent.

Good luck.

I never said to break off all contact. But I'm saying for him not to be her emotional snot rag. Be there to talk to her, but don't be there every time she needs you. That's all. I'm starting to not buy this break shit anyways. I'm starting to believe that these breaks are just the easy way of letting a relationship die down.

The thing I don't understand is this. If she needs him still to talk her through this and be there for her emotionally, why can't she do that while they are in a relationship? That's the whole point of a relationship... to have someone that is there for you no matter what and that will help you through anything.

[lastwish]

I never said to break off all contact. But I'm saying for him not to be her emotional snot rag. Be there to talk to her, but don't be there every time she needs you. That's all. I'm starting to not buy this break shit anyways. I'm starting to believe that these breaks are just the easy way of letting a relationship die down.

The thing I don't understand is this. If she needs him still to talk her through this and be there for her emotionally, why can't she do that while they are in a relationship? That's the whole point of a relationship... to have someone that is there for you no matter what and that will help you through anything.

Cain, you don't understand women. If life is chaotic, there is no place for romance. If a guy leaves me because my life is getting rough, then there is no way I will take him back after my life starts getting back on track. A girl would want to know that her man will be there for her no matter what, even without the romantic incentives.

[Cain]

I'm not going to keep being tossed to the side every time my woman decides she can't handle life right now. There's no reason to break off the relationship and expect the same caring from the guy as if he was in the relationship. I can handle the lack of romance if it was about comforting her, but not if we have to break up every time.

That's ridiculous. It's what happened in my last relationship. And I've luckily had my eyes opened and decided against being tossed to the side every time she has to "cope."

[lastwish]

There's no reason to break off the relationship and expect the same caring from the guy as if he was in the relationship.

Except for the reason that...he cares for her as a person? In which case, he couldn't help but to care and be there for her. However, I understand its hard for some guys to put aside their arrogance.

[Cain]

Except for the reason that...he cares for her as a person? In which case, he couldn't help but to care and be there for her. However, I understand its hard for some guys to put aside their arrogance.

It's not about arrogance either. It's about him being hurt that they broke up. She might be fine with being just friends but it likely bothers him. It's hard to go from a relationship to being just friends.

She has other friends. If all she needs is a friend then she should speak to them and pour her heart out to them. For someone that really cared for her, it'd be too difficult for him to be able to be just her friend.

[lastwish]

It's not about arrogance either. It's about him being hurt that they broke up. She might be fine with being just friends but it likely bothers him. It's hard to go from a relationship to being just friends.

She has other friends. If all she needs is a friend then she should speak to them and pour her heart out to them. For someone that really cared for her, it'd be too difficult for him to be able to be just her friend.

I don't think exes can be close friends either for the long term. But I think during hard times, its more important to be a friend than to be a lover. You might not agree with her but if thats her wish, then you should respect that. I think once a guy can prove to a girl that he is willing to put aside his own ego for awhile for the sake of her own well-being, he has already proven a lot.

[Cain]

I don't think exes can be close friends either for the long term. But I think during hard times, its more important to be a friend than to be a lover. You might not agree with her but if thats her wish, then you should respect that. I think once a guy can prove to a girl that he is willing to put aside his own ego for awhile for the sake of her own well-being, he has already proven a lot.

It's a game that I won't play. If she feels that the only way to be sure that he's there for her well being is by being there even after they break up than the relationship was doomed to failure anyways.

What happens when she gets married? Is she going to be taking breaks yet again? It's stupid. Breaks are absolutely ridiculous. They are just the beginning to the break up.

[justine820]

Dont bother..its not worth it..once you move on thats it

[Jackee]

Nice post...
When you're fresh into a hard breakup and you feel like you've just had your heart ripped out and stepped on, it can be very hard to pick up the pieces and come up with a plan to pull your life back together and get your ex back. Likely you don't know where to even begin, much less how to work out a full idea of what you need to do to find happiness again.That's why The Magic of Making Up was created

[leitzin]

Mich,

First of all... lets imagine that this woman does (worst case scenario) love her ex MORE than (heaven forbid) you.

Men tend to have this over stereotypified notion that women are more emotional than logical. So you may think she will lean toward the man she FEELS more strongly about...

In reality... women are just more emotional than men...

They may even be more LOGICAL than men too...

The reason I say that is because... you mention she is a mother. If you really want her back... with what you already know about her... reflect on what SHE wants MOST... likely... it has something to do with the kid. (Maternal instinct is pretty reliable) If you can deliver...

Passionately, Lovingly, appeal to her LOGICAL SIDE that you are the MAN. You do so with implication, and subtle hints. As a side benefit... that will make her think about you more.

Just relax... and the timing will become clear.

[adamboy]

without me doing anything wrong quote from Michegan Man

Had to laugh about this from the above poster...maybe his relationship took place in a vacum or he was the only one it....


Actually the steps(baby steps) involved in getting a lover to return require a combination of them...firstly a period of no contact is pretty much mandatory(mainly to get your own raw emotions under control,which if they are'nt will make matters far worse than anything you did during the normal times of your relationship....respecting the exes need for space...and if you cannot understand why people need their own space then you had best cease trying to relate with anyone...then the re establsihment of friendly contact while still getting on with your life and loving it (no doormatting) and being reachable but not too available or over eager...cutting out the negatives when you do interact...change where it is required by the person doing the pursuing of the relationship(and unlike Michegan Man above knowing where they fall down in relationship skills (probably the biggest flaw for many is the belief that they did nothing wrong and thereby contributed nothing to the breakup even even if unintentionally..... no amount of books on charm and chrisma will help if your relationships skills basically suck and your in the relationship for your own selfish ends and not prepared to take a long hard look at yourself...)a willingness to love unconditionally for a while and with out expectation...no begging,pleading,convicing or cajoling and certainly no threats or emotional blackmail...

[maneh84]

Maybe if u let things calm down then she´d realize you´re her man...

[ggross]

If you haven’t had much contact, or any contact, with your ex for an extended period of time, call them. Keep things casual, tell them you were thinking of them and you wanted to know how they were doing. If they seem happy to hear form you suggest the two of you get together. Keep it casual, don’t make it sound like a date at this point.