How to fix this problem...

[damn2010]

I don't know how much this helps, but when you and your girlfriend fight or have issues...your mom sees it. She can see it on your face and you don't even need to tell her. It kind of then "turns her against" your girlfriend as she doesn't like seeing you hurt!

I had the same issue with my mom a long time ago and one of the ex's. My ex and I were over the honeymoon phase and I was back home a little after college. The distance was wearing on us and we had some fights. My mom would see this stuff between my ex- and I and see the toll it took on me and she started treating my ex- a little differently.

Sometimes its your actions around your mom that speak louder than words. Think is there any way you're doing something or saying something that convinces your mom that your current g/f isn't good for you?

[Mish]

My mom called me, telling me that she can tell my girlfriend blocked her, and that I am stupid for telling her, because if there was a future with this girl, I basically shot it dead.

I think your mum is right and you were stupid for telling your gf about the conversation. This is partly your fault. However, I think your mum is also interfering too much in your private life. You are a young adult in your 20s and you are looking out for your own future. Your mum has no place deciding for you what girl you should be dating or hanging out with. If I were you I would make this quite clear when talking to her.

When I was younger I had a problem similar to yours where my parents tried to decide what partner is best for me and tried to sabotage my relationships. At one stage I had a talk to them where I made it quite clear that I will not tolerate their interference. That broke the unspoken rule, they realized that I am aware of their influence and that I am capable of resisting it and ever since then they've stopped their interference. This is something that can work in your favour provided you do it carefully, firmly and with a degree of sensitivity. But for the future, please be aware of where everything is leading. Some conversations are meant to be private.

[Cain]

I understand why your gf is pissed off at your mom. She's shallow and extremely nosy. And the fact that your mom is actually having a problem with your gf not liking her is a little ridiculous. On the other hand, your gf is a bitch. The way she talked to you in that other thread was way out of line and you're just taking it.

[TheTooya]

I spoke with my girlfriend last night, neither of us brought up the situation with Facebook... or mom... or any of that. She was pretty happy, and nothing seemed wrong on her part (any more.)

@Cain:
Yes, she was a bitch, but she did call me the same day apologizing and realizing she was a bitch too.

@damn:
My mom has never heard about me and my girlfriend having an argument or fighting. I have phrased things in such a way that my mom can not assume we have these mishaps. Nothing I have done or said should convince my mom that my girlfriend isn't good for me. The only complaints my mom has had was 1. she was not as pretty as this other girl that my mom liked and 2. she blocked her on facebook

I guess its more my moms feelings toward her at this point that I am worried about.

[xxazurexx]

Oh, please. Show me a mom on the planet that doesn't want the best possible girl for her son.... there isn't one. Your mom is behaving like a mom, and this whole thing was YOUR fault. Why would you want to hurt your girlfriend by telling her this anyway?

Why doesn't your mom like your girlfriend? What does she see that you are ignoring?

haha, yeah I agree.

Look! I'm a mum with a fifteen year old baby girl, who is my world and I just want the best for her.

If I think she is dating some prick, I would tell her....trust me, we mums can spot the pricky guys.

Like Vash says, your mum is likely seeing something you are ignoring or havn't noticed yet.

She is just being protective of you, ya know.

[TheTooya]

Like Vash says, your mum is likely seeing something you are ignoring or havn't noticed yet.

The problem is... I have heard nothing but compliments from my mom, right up until this more attractive girl that had a crush on me showed up. And right before yesterday, before my mom found out about my girlfriend blocking her, my mom had still insisted that my girlfriend was "a very nice girl", but said I am attractive and could get better looking girls. After the facebook mess... yea now according to my mom my girlfriend is evil.

... <_<

[xxazurexx]

Well I dunno then. Your mum sounds kinda shallow and wants you to have the 'trophy' gf. If it looks great, that is all that matters.

My daughter is 15 and she has been seeing a guy for a while now, he is only 16. He's not bad looking, but this guy is really nice and he treats her right. She has shown me other guys on Facebook that she has mentioned are interested in her, more attractive guys than her bf, but I tell my daughter that it isn't what guys look like, it is how they treat you that matters.

I can't see your issue ever being resolved to be honest. Your current gf will never forgive your mum and will always hold against her for what she said and your mum will always think you can do better. It is important that familes get along, or at least try too.

[TheTooya]

Newwwwww update!

I just got off the phone with my mom. She has told me that my girlfriend has embarrassed her on facebook by blocking her, and that I should have chosen sides with my girlfriend, and why am I still with her.

She then went on to say that I am a dissappointment of a son, and that because I am still with my girlfriend...

Girlfriend can't visit her house
Mom doesnt want anything to do with me, I can not visit for christmas, or any holiday, etc...
Any finances on her will is being changed to not reflect me.

The finances part I could care less about, but the first two... wtf. I spoke with my father, who just dismissed my mom as acting crazy again...

Is it appropriate for me to ask my girlfriend to send an apology to my mom for blocking her?

[TheTooya]

I asked my girlfriend if she could apologize, "or say anything to explain to my mom where you are coming from"... and she refused to apologize but instead closed her facebook account.

The ****!

[qwertz]

So, before anyone starts any shit with this thread, I realize I am to blame, with this.. I am not looking for criticism, I am looking for helpful advice (Sorry Charlie Boy) I know I messed up bad with this one, so...

Whats wrong with charlie's advise?!


I think you need to grow a pair, your mum sounds like a control freak, yes mothers want what is best for their children, but to let facebook have that impact?! Jeeez, just delete your facebook if it is causing this much trouble, your mum sounds petty and childish and you dont sound much better.

[TheTooya]

Whats wrong with charlie's advise?!

Charlies advice is less constructive and more insulting :p

And... I just broke up with my girlfriend. She said she is not willing to do anything about my mom, shes not going to apologize or do anything, she HATES my mom. And my mom HATES my girlfriend.

Family is important to me. Yes my mom does overstep her boundaries, but I can't be with anyone who isn't willing to compromise for the sake of me and my family.

I ended it. Period.
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She told me she hates me, and that I do not love her... and it sucks because I broke up with her on the phone. She was the first to suggest it, then was complaining about my mom... but, I guess its over....

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Edit: Nope, she did send an apology, and she did promise to keep things peaceful between my mom and her... Not sure how this is going to work out....

[IncognitoSir]

Oh, please. Show me a mom on the planet that doesn't want the best possible girl for her son.... there isn't one. Your mom is behaving like a mom, and this whole thing was YOUR fault. Why would you want to hurt your girlfriend by telling her this anyway?

Why doesn't your mom like your girlfriend? What does she see that you are ignoring?

I hear, you, but there's a right way and a wrong way to do a lot of things, and this is definitely not the right way for his mom to to help her son make the best decisions for himself. Not to mention, this guy is in GRAD school. It's not like he's a teenager anymore geeesh.

[vashti]

I hear, you, but there's a right way and a wrong way to do a lot of things, and this is definitely not the right way for his mom to to help her son make the best decisions for himself. Not to mention, this guy is in GRAD school. It's not like he's a teenager anymore geeesh.

Well, by TELLING his (now ex) girlfriend what his mom said (and betraying her confidence), he acted like a teenager, which is no doubt why he is treated like one.

Tooya - i would NOT have advised you to make your girlfriend apologize. Given the content of your conversation and your inability to keep it to yourself, her being offended was appropriate. For future reference, if this ever happens again, here's a few tips:

learn not to betray people's confidence. Your girlfriend had no right to badger you about the details of a private conversation between you and your mother. You should have laid down the law right then and there.

Your mom held you in her body for nine months, allowed your giant head to pass through her vagina, possibly stretching her out beyond its ability to recover normal tone and possibly giving her stretch marks, invested years of blood, sweat, and tears into turning you into a man, sacrificed her income for you, would be willing to happily die in your place, put herself second for you since you were born, and has loved you longer and more intensely than any other person on the planet. Do not expect that she should want anything other then the absolute best for you. If there were two girls equally as charming, but one prettier, guess which one I would want for MY son? Is it ultimately his choice? Of course, but that doesn't obligate me to not wish for something else.

If you should ever find yourself in this position again, rather than taking one or the other woman's side, demand they both grow up and demonstrate compassion for the other woman's position, and expect them to treat each other with respect, whether they like each other or not. Refuse to listen to them bitch about one another, even if that means cutting short a conversation you are having. If your mom implies you can do better, laugh, and kiss her on the cheek, and tell her you appreciate her always wanting the best for you, and then change the subject.

And BTW - charlieboy gives (IMO) the best male advice on the forum.

[TheTooya]

Well, by TELLING his (now ex) girlfriend what his mom said (and betraying her confidence), he acted like a teenager, which is no doubt why he is treated like one.

Tooya - i would NOT have advised you to make your girlfriend apologize. Given the content of your conversation and your inability to keep it to yourself, her being offended was appropriate. For future reference, if this ever happens again, here's a few tips:

learn not to betray people's confidence. Your girlfriend had no right to badger you about the details of a private conversation between you and your mother. You should have laid down the law right then and there.

Your mom held you in her body for nine months, allowed your giant head to pass through her vagina, possibly stretching her out beyond its ability to recover normal tone and possibly giving her stretch marks, invested years of blood, sweat, and tears into turning you into a man, sacrificed her income for you, would be willing to happily die in your place, put herself second for you since you were born, and has loved you longer and more intensely than any other person on the planet. Do not expect that she should want anything other then the absolute best for you. If there were two girls equally as charming, but one prettier, guess which one I would want for MY son? Is it ultimately his choice? Of course, but that doesn't obligate me to not wish for something else.

If you should ever find yourself in this position again, rather than taking one or the other woman's side, demand they both grow up and demonstrate compassion for the other woman's position, and expect them to treat each other with respect, whether they like each other or not. Refuse to listen to them bitch about one another, even if that means cutting short a conversation you are having. If your mom implies you can do better, laugh, and kiss her on the cheek, and tell her you appreciate her always wanting the best for you, and then change the subject.

And BTW - charlieboy gives (IMO) the best male advice on the forum.

We are still together, at least for right now. And yes, I already know that I made a stupid mistake, but as I mentioned in the first post, thats not what I want this thread to be about. ...

Vashti, heres the difference in what my mom said and what normally *should* happen. My mom has, in the past, suggested other girls. She did this with my current relationship and even with my past relationship, and I understand, she wants the best for me. I listen to her advice, part of the reason why I broke up with my ex was because my mom and her were having hang ups.

BUT, she has been *harrassing* me about one particular girl. When I say harass, I mean I could not have a normal conversation with my mom without her mentioning this girl whose only qualifications for being mentioned is "shes prettier." At first it was fine, but after two weeks, it got annyoing. It got REALLY damn annoying. Then, after her normal monologue didnt seem to phase me, she started insulting who I was and who I was with. She told me my current girlfriend is ugly (which, I've heard from everyone else shes cute and attractive, even from mom....), I was told she was from the Booneys, she had low class (EXACT opposite of what she said 3 weeks earlier), and went to tell me I am pathetic to be dating someone like her, and should ditch her for this more attractive girl.

I realize she gave birth to me, and she brought me up as a single parents for my entire life... but theres a point where I can't take the insults. I don't like being told I am a pathetic guy for dating "only ugly girls because you have no self confidence." It sucks... so, yes I was stressed. I was stressed from arguing with my mom for about 4 or five hours non-stop about this. So when my girlfriend called me close to midnight, when I was already tired, I made the mistake of telling my girlfriend part of what my mom said.

In hindsight, no ****ing shit this was a mistake, thanks Vashti, I know. I am not asking for comments on how stupid of a mistake I made, I REALIZE the gravity of what I said.

Is it fair for you to call me a teenager? I would hope not, we all **** up sometimes, and I obviously did not think when I was talking to my girlfriend that night.
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That said, we are still together. I asked my girlfriend not to apologize, but just send an email to my mom explaining where she was coming from. My girlfriend has the right to be upset, I agree, but blocking off of facebook? Come on... We are suppose to be adults here... Maybe its just me, but I believe we are suppose to TALK through problems... Not take pot-shots at eachother. She agreed to send her a message, so... my girlfriend and I will see what goes on from here.

_
About Charlie Boy, I normally like his comments, but wasn't a fan of his last comment on the other thread I had. :p


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Edit: Additionally, when your mom threatens to kick you out of her life because your girlfriend blocked her on a social networking site.... Please, someone out there tell me I am not the only one here who thinks this is absolutely petty and ridiculous.

[vashti]

I was stressed from arguing with my mom for about 4 or five hours non-stop about this. So when my girlfriend called me close to midnight, when I was already tired, I made the mistake of telling my girlfriend part of what my mom said.

Listen; you cannot control your mother's behavior... only your own. A grown man would not engage in this kind of behavior. Do you not see how ridiculous it is that you were willing to participate in a four hour long argument about this? Again: do not participate in these kinds of arguments. walk away.

I hope whatever your girlfriend does, it doesn't make matters any worse. She sounds nearly as controlling as your mother, and I am not optimistic that this relationship will end up being healthy in the long run. You can't un-ring a bell, and now everyone is perfectly aware of where they stand with each other. I am more a fan of being polite to keep the peace.

Edit: Additionally, when your mom threatens to kick you out of her life because your girlfriend blocked her on a social networking site.... Please, someone out there tell me I am not the only one here who thinks this is absolutely petty and ridiculous.

Both of these women sound petty and ridiculous. Have you ever stopped to wonder why you chose someone who sounds so much like your mom?