Ever love someone, but hate their child?

[anachronistic]

If someone said they hated my kid, they'd never see me again. Even if they never said it, but only acted like or hinted that they hated my kid, they'd never be near me again.

My kids are SOOOO much more important than ANY man on the planet.

What if they loved your kids more than you do?

[shh!]

What if they loved your kids more than you do?

Pedophiles are likewise unwelcome.

[Cain]

Pedophiles are likewise unwelcome.

So in order for a guy to love your kids, he has to be a pedophile?

[shh!]

To love them more than me? Yes.

[anachronistic]

You basically just said, shh, that you are a step away from having pedophiliac feelings about your kids.

[shh!]

You see why you don't get you posts thanked? They are dumber than dumb.

And the "report posts" button is down in the right hand corner. (Not that you didn't know that already.)

[miSSleepy]

He may grow out of it, but if she does give him too much leeway, he may not.
Leave her to raise the kid as she chooses. If you two end up being together for the long term,living together, getting married, then it may be your right to pitch in a bit. But don't confront her about it and make her feel like she's a bad parent, or she'll get defensive like she has already.

[anachronistic]

You see why you don't get you posts thanked? They are dumber than dumb.

And the "report posts" button is down in the right hand corner. (Not that you didn't know that already.)

If I really cared about the whole thanking crap, I wouldn't be messing with you, baby.

Now if only you *understood* even half my posts...

[Illusional]

like it or not, the most that you can do is talk to her right now. i'm sorry to say, but you don't really have a say in how she raises her child, and i can kinda see where this is going already. she's not willing to change and you don't agree with how she brings up her child.... i suggest that you find someone else who you could actually put up 18 years of bullshit with.

raverboy

[IndiReloaded]

Kids need consistency & calm parenting more than they need discipline. That comes at a later age & is developed by teaching them self-control.

I let my son wail away his frustration at things when he was that age. We went through a rough 1-2 month period where he learned that his 'emergencies' about toys & non-essential needs weren't mine, but after that he settled down & started the process of learning to work things out. He never had temper tantrums to speak of.

As a parent, I would dump anyone who used the word 'hate' to describe my child. You sound like a jerk, OP.

[IndiReloaded]

The kid is almost 3 years old but he is a total nightmare. Throws things all over the place, runs around and breaks things, runs away from us if we go out somewhere, literally hits my g/f for no reason, bites her.

BTW, if you truly love this gal & want to help (and not just complain), strongly recommend this book. Also to anyone else who is interested in effective parenting:

[url]http://www.omnipotentchild.com/omnipotentchild.html[/url]

You can order it from Amazon.

[Gigabitch]

If her kid is truly a nightmare, your girlfriend is not as perfect for you as you think she is. That's a red flag.

If he's just acting like a three-year-old (and YES, they're a huge pain in the ass, generally) then the red flag is your attitude.

Either way, this isn't going to end well. You don't want to put yourself between a woman and her child- you won't like what happens AT ALL.

[clearskies]

I fully agree on what Giga said, something sounds not right here in ur relationship .. I dont know why i have the feeling u dont accept the idea of bringing or even having around a kid from another man. It is your right to feel so , but if it was the case you would do nothing but leave the woman and her kid.

[Mish]

we talked about this key difference, a lot recently, but it seems like her answer always is "he's my son and I pay for him and take care of him so I don't need you to tell me how to raise my kid" I keep telling her unless you do something, this behavior will get worse and worse and continue forever....she says it's just how a normal 3 year old acts and he will get better as he ages.

I don't agree...and it seems to be putting a strain on our relationship. anyone ever been in a situation like this and how did you handle it?

I haven't been in a situation like this before, but this does give a little glmipse into her negotiation strategies and how she resolves problems as they come up. "I don't need you to tell me how to raise my kid" with issues related to her kid, can easily be applied as "I don't need you to tell me how to live my life" with any other issue you might have in the future. If that's the case I would ask my self if I really wanted to be with someone who negotiates in this manner.

Perhaps you need to use words like above "it's putting a strain on a relationship" to her and see if she becomes more open to negotiating a discipline strategy that will work for both of you. If she doesn't, then you know what to do from there.

[shh!]

I don't think "negotiation" is a word that applies to someone else's kid. "Acceptance" is much more appropriate.