Some passing thoughts on roles in relationship

[DoesntMatter]

Oh hell yeah, I like where this is going

[bluesummer]

Aye to that! Why is it that people who know the least about marriage (and aren't even in a stable relationship)are the ones who have the strongest opinions about it?

I have yet to figure this out.

That would be like me handing out opinions about raising children. I have no frickin idea, I've never done it.

[IndiReloaded]

I'll be your next-door neighbor, DM.

Me three. Hell is where all the interesting ppl go anyway. Besides, I could never stand being cold.

[IndiReloaded]

I have yet to figure this out.

That would be like me handing out opinions about raising children. I have no frickin idea, I've never done it.

Meh, everyone knows GS is a compulsive windbag. Normally I wouldn't care.

I'm just more concerned b/c of Dancer & hope this doesn't turn him off the forum.

[Mish]

Mish, my experience, which I've mentioned before, is that men & women are equally emotional/logical. In different areas, depending on their strengths & temperment. And yes, I too have observed that it is men who, once they commit, tend to 'stay committed' much more readily than women.

Yes, I agree with this as well. And the reason for this I think that they do it because it's logical. It's logical to stay committed in a long relationship because you are partner, you have a partner, you have a plan for the future, you've made a promise that you have to keep, it's logical to keep it your reputation depends on it, you navigate on a road in life from point A to poin B and these are your resources and means of getting there. For a man, I've noticed it's not so much the emotions that keep them in a relationship but reasons for them to be in them. E.g. I have a beatiful partner, we have a beautiful house, everyone agrees we should be together, everyone knows we are a couple it's logical for us to continue being together and continue our routines. Ofcourse there are feelings there as well (especially in the LTRs where people start to become part of one another) but it's not so much the feelings that drive the men's commitment as reasons for relationship to exist. You will notice once these reasons are not there for a man, the relationship goes into decline and ends.

For women I've noticed they stay committed, but that committed has a direct relevance to how they feel inside of a relationship. E.g. I feel happy when I'm next to him, when I hear his voice, when I smell him near. He stirs up these feelings inside of me the way no other man does, the way he makes me feel makes him the only one for me, this is why I am committed. It's not so much the reasons that drive the women's commitment as feelings for their partner that makes relationship exist. The moment these feelings fade, the moment there is no more happinness in the relationship is perhaps the time to move on. You will notice once these feelings are not there for a woman, the relationship goes into decline and ends.

This isn't just in reference to marriage, I think it applies to any relationship between a man and a woman. I agree these are not very solid examples and like I said before there will be examples of the opposite from either side, just that I find these are default patterns from which each gender operates. Or at least a pattern that makes me percive it as such due to consistency I've so far witnessed.

[boobaa]

Aye to that! Why is it that people who know the least about marriage (and aren't even in a stable relationship)are the ones who have the strongest opinions about it?

The same reason why art critics know everything about art, why audience sees whats wrong with the game.

[bluesummer]

For women I've noticed they stay committed, but that committed has a direct relevance to how they feel inside of a relationship. E.g. I feel happy when I'm next to him, when I hear his voice, when I smell him near. He stirs up these feelings inside of me the way no other man does, the way he makes me feel makes him the only one for me, this is why I am committed. It's not so much the reasons that drive the women's commitment as feelings for their partner that makes relationship exist. The moment these feelings fade, the moment there is no more happinness in the relationship is perhaps the time to move on. You will notice once these feelings are not there for a woman, the relationship goes into decline and ends.

I'd have to disagree. I know I personally do not base my relationship on 'feelings'. Loving someone is not a reason to stay committed to them. Not having the same high level of emotional attachment as you did initially is not a reason to end a commitment.

All one has to do is read these boards to see that men really aren't that much more logical or any less emotional than women in relationships.

[Mish]

I'd have to disagree. I know I personally do not base my relationship on 'feelings'. Loving someone is not a reason to stay committed to them. Not having the same high level of emotional attachment as you did initially is not a reason to end a commitment.

All one has to do is read these boards to see that men really aren't that much more logical or any less emotional than women in relationships.

Well, the only other example I have to give on that is this:

You don't see a lot of men breaking off a relationship when their women no longer stir up all these feelings inside of them. They are much more likely to have logical reasons for ending a relationship than emotional ones.

Likewise, you don't see a lot women breaking off a relationship due to reasons when they still have the emotional attachment to their men. They are much more likely than men to break off a relationship when they don't feel anything for their partner anymore than for reasons.

[Gribble]

I don't know many men who break up with girls, Mish. Unless it's to get with a hotter girl.

[vashti]

Well, the only other example I have to give on that is this:

You don't see a lot of men breaking off a relationship when their women no longer stir up all these feelings inside of them. They are much more likely to have logical reasons for ending a relationship than emotional ones. Likewise, you don't see a lot women breaking off a relationship due to reasons when they still have the emotional attachment to their men. They are much more likely than men to break off a relationship when they don't feel anything for their partner anymore than for reasons.

I actually don't see many men breaking up marriages for anything other than a new girlfriend. Women leave men for a variety of reasons (drug/alcohol abuse, financial problems, infidelity, etc.).

[Mish]

I don't know many men who break up with girls, Mish. Unless it's to get with a hotter girl.

That would be a logical reason

[Gribble]

That would be a logical reason

Point taken.

[bluesummer]

I actually don't see many men breaking up marriages for anything other than a new girlfriend. Women leave men for a variety of reasons (drug/alcohol abuse, financial problems, infidelity, etc.).

Quoted for truth.

Actually, I think those are ALL the reasons I left my ex husband lol. I still loved him. So I definitely didn't leave him for lack of feelings towards him. Just pure logic - he was f*cking up both our lives.

[Mish]

Actually, I think those are ALL the reasons I left my ex husband lol. I still loved him. So I definitely didn't leave him for lack of feelings towards him. Just pure logic - he was f*cking up both our lives.

The final decision was very logical, but the reasons you ended it I think were grounded in emotions.

He basically made you feel like crap.

Regardless of how much you might have still liked him, the negative feelings you felt for him overpowered the positive ones at that stage and paved the way for the seperation. And you did the right thing Blue, no one deserves a treatment like that.

[GrkScorp]

Meh, everyone knows GS is a compulsive windbag. Normally I wouldn't care.

I'm just more concerned b/c of Dancer & hope this doesn't turn him off the forum.

You know.. you don't have to stoop down to that again just because you've packed on the pounds, and enjoyed all the other joys that come with age.. but instead of trying to cope with it.. you throw it back supposedly to this new user..

We know married people.. the best example is our own parents.. and uncles, and basically the entire family.. We've seen it, talked about it, and most of all.. seen how the guys stay after marriage, and their wives look after marriage..

So don't try and throw your fake-emotional crap out there just because you're now old.. and can't look at yourself in the mirror and feel the same way you did when you were younger.. It's a tough rut to be in, without a doubt.. but don't try to bring the topic to "married" women, when that's not really what Mish was even asking.. just because it's uncomfortable to talk about younger women.. But I guess that's the bitterness that comes with age..

Blue seems to be the most comfortable with herself.. It seems, from reading her other posts, that she's just been unlucky in her life in terms of guys.. But as a women, pretty much all a guy could ask for.. There are some women like that.. that any guy would be lucky to have.. but always end up bringing abusers/losers into their life..

But i've lately seen why that is with my friend Maria.. open-minded in nature, compassionate and empathetic towards others, she connects strongly, and falls in love deeply; when she allows her guard to go down.. and when that happens.. she finds herself with "the man of her dreams".. when in reality, objectively, she's starting to develop feelings for the wrong guy, overlooking his flaws, and not putting in the energy to investigate him further.. so you end up with that kind of situation in the end..