Hmmm... your thoughts on what my ex said?

[Juristhea]

After not talking for a week and half, my ex comes onto msn and says to me the following:

"hey (I removed my name for privacy purposes), i know you need your space but i just really wanna tell you how much i miss you and how much i value you as a friend. i know im hard to manage and ****ing insane, i seriously am a ****tard but i just want your friendship back. you are the only one i can seriously talk to, and im not just saying that. ive realised that i always think about what advice youd give me, and i really appreciated when you listened to me and helped me out. If you need me im always here as a friend"

Now I'm not sure what to make of this. I'm pretty much over her. I know it doesn't indicate any intention of wanting to get back together, but my friend suggested it. I wouldn't be totally opposed to the fact, but I don't think it is likely, as 'friend' is mentioned quite a lot. I'd just like to hear what you think about what she has said...

There really is no harm in trying to be friends with your ex, it's where you started in the first place to begin with.

It may be awkward at some point because heck, he/she is your ex but if you both share common friends, then an encounter cannot be avoided.

Just try to be casual whenever you're around her.

[LadieNisha4u2nv]

The only time when it is impossible to be just friends without feeings is when you guys recently broke up. After a long time and space and no form of contact whatsoever and you have moved on with your life, it is very much possible.

I'm friends with some of my exes and I have no form of feelings for them whatsoever. Soemtimes we talk abot our relationships and how they are going, and I feel no way about it. Now if it is a recent ex, it would most likely still give you a bad feeling in your gut.

[Yggdrasil]

I will give you the usual advice: the NO CONTACT RULE. No contact after a breakup for at least 3 weeks. You need those 3 weeks to 'detox' from the relation. After those 3 weeks, you'll see things a lot clearer. So will she. Right now, you're both in the missing stage. That will pass in a week or so. Keep yourself busy, go out, have fun, try not to think to much about her. Allow yourself to grieve. Don't fantasize about what could be or what might have been.

[Distorted12]

Today 12:44 AM
Yggdrasil I will give you the usual advice: the NO CONTACT RULE. No contact after a breakup for at least 3 weeks. You need those 3 weeks to 'detox' from the relation. After those 3 weeks, you'll see things a lot clearer. So will she. Right now, you're both in the missing stage. That will pass in a week or so. Keep yourself busy, go out, have fun, try not to think to much about her. Allow yourself to grieve. Don't fantasize about what could be or what might have been.

Dude. I stopped contacting her. She's been the one contacting me. I've been doing all that but she keeps creeping back into my life, like you would have read above.

[Lipp]

If anything the other possibility would be that she wants to check up on you to see if you are miserable, and as "just friends" she could just as easily hang out with guys just to piss you off and provoke a reaction.

Some girls just hate the idea that a guy can just shrug them off.

Set up the blocks again.

[Distorted12]

If anything the other possibility would be that she wants to check up on you to see if you are miserable, and as "just friends" she could just as easily hang out with guys just to piss you off and provoke a reaction.

Some girls just hate the idea that a guy can just shrug them off.

Set up the blocks again.

I don't think she would be checking up to see if I was miserable, although I do consider your opinion. People do that kind of stuff unconciously.

I've been shrugging her off actually. For a long time. She keeps talking to her friends, and apparently she's angry I'm not talking to her? The other day when I was drunk, me and my friend went on msn. I pretended I wasn't there. She started speaking to me the other day casually (I had spoken to her since) and I accidentally said something that gave away that I might have been there and she was like "Oh so you saw the convo? Great." And signed off. :S

[IndiReloaded]

If anything, it is insulting. I'm good enough to be a friend, but not a boyfriend? It's ridiculous.

I'd say you just summed up your situation nicely^. This 'friendship' stuff is garbage, and puts her back in control. Why should you give her all the benefits of a BF (talking to her, etc) without actually *being* one? Vash is right, this will just prevent you from finding someone who will appreciate you.

[alex12345]

You can be friends, but when you are ready.

[bluesummer]

Are any of your other friends your X's? Do you know any friends who are friends with their X's? Do you know ANYone who is friends with their X's?

If the answer to any of the above is "Yes" them maybe there's a chance because you live in Bizzaro world. In the real world, an X isn't a friend.

Ok, so I guess most of the people I know live in Bizarro world.

Either that, or you just date insane people that you're glad to get the hell away from when it's over. Most of my exes were great people it just didn't work out with relationship-wise.

[Distorted12]

Hmm. This is all too wierd. She told her friend to tell me she's angry?

[Houdini]

In my opinion, move on but give it some time.

Be casual but don't expect anything. Because sometimes expectations can not be fulfilled. Don't take it negatively if she's trying to befriend you back.

From there on you should be able to know what to do. If she really wants you back, she'll do the gesture. If she just want you as a friend then forget it.

[Distorted12]

So you think I should be her friend?

[Houdini]

Yeah, why not? Talk to her, be around, whatever. There's nothing wrong with that.

Just don't expect more until she makes the first move and then you take it from there.

[Distorted12]

Yeah, but it seems like she's expecting me to be how I was when I was her boyfriend. I don't think thats what she deserves, iff she dumped me.

[Charlie Boy II]

She sounds like a massive mind f-ck. I wouldn't be friends with her. I leave it like it is, and you'll have the satisfaction of having the last laugh.

If you resume regular contact it sounds like you'll develop feelings for her again, and you'll get burnt again. It sounds to me like she doesn't want you back - she just wants to know she could if she wanted to. And/or she wants you to be her crutch without actually going out with you.