Panicking....(Long)

[Tone]

If you were an alcoholic, would you work at a bar?

Hey that's actually a GREAT way of putting it into perspective.

[clynn]

I also wish there was a SWAT team with a moving van to help you!

[bluesummer]

It's my apartment. My name is on the lease and 95% of the stuff in this place belongs to me. I won't be going anywhere.

I seriously don't understand myself. It's not like I think I'll never meet anyone else, or even anyone as good as him......I know I can get great guys. That's not the issue. It's not insecurity.....I'm financially stable (independently), I know I'm not ugly, and I know I've got plenty going for me. So that's not the issue either. Maybe I need some counselling to figure out why I can't cut the ties. Everything you guys say is the 100% truth and makes total sense to me......it's the same thing I'd say to any one of you if I read this post and it wasn't mine. But it's like there's some irrational override switch in my brain. Just when I think I've got it under control and I'm going to move on, I get blindsided with doubt.

I'm concerned, because it tells me I've got some real issues to work out and I'm not sure where to start. Sigh. Happy bloody Valentine's.

[clynn]

Aaah, bluesummer. I'm sorry.

It isn't easy to cut ties. It is very hard. You are just human, that is all.

[misombra]

::hugs:: sorry bluesummer. you should really tell him to leave. once he's out of sight out of mind for a little while you could let go of him easier. he's no good for you my dear. you're just attached to him because he's been around so long.

if you don't kick him out first i'll do it for you.

[Tone]

Seriously, kick him the **** out.

Nina - you're better than this, stop letting the assholes win.

[NeoSeminole]

I love how everyone is saying you deserve better. The way I see it, if you are dumb enough to keep putting yourself in this situation then you deserve the way he's been treating you. When you grow up, mature, and can move on, then you will deserve better.

[Tone]

The way *I* see it is she's HUMAN... not everyone can just detach all emotional feelings at their leisure. How many of us can sit here and give pretty sensible, honest, good advice to others when we're on the outside looking in, but then when we're faced with almost the exact same situations - we're like lost puppies. It's all because of that one factor - emotion. It's what makes us human. I don't fault her at all... I'm just hoping she can take our advice to heart, and realize this is something she has to do - DESPITE what her emotions are telling her.

Now, if after examining her situation, and examining the advice she's received from us awesome people - she continues to put herself in this comprimising position - then yeah, maybe she does deserve it. But that's for her to decide, it's her life, all we can do is say we did our best to give her our honest advice on what is the best course of action for HERSELF, and that we're truly looking out for Nina's best interests.

[bluesummer]

I love how everyone is saying you deserve better. The way I see it, if you are dumb enough to keep putting yourself in this situation then you deserve the way he's been treating you. When you grow up, mature, and can move on, then you will deserve better.

What a ridiculous comment. Honestly Neo, I can take constructive criticism, but this is totally rude. Because of one bad decision in my life I'm dumb, immature, and deserving of bad treatment? Fortunately I know that's not the case. I would never say this to anyone (even if I thought it.......).

Thanks to everyone else. I think this week away from him is really going to show me the benefits of being alone, or just out of his life. I've already planned a few vacations (alone) and have taken on some new outside activities. Baby steps. The more I think about the bullshit I've been putting myself through, the angrier I'm getting over it. Usually I'm not an angry person, but I think I'll let anger get ahold of me this time. Maybe it will drag some strength out of me too.

[alice]

It's my apartment. My name is on the lease and 95% of the stuff in this place belongs to me. I won't be going anywhere.

pack his stuff up for him while he's gone and throw him out. judging by what you've told us, this sounds like he's already planning on moving out anyway, just doesn't have the guts to tell you so before everything's settled for him. and if you let him get away with lying to you first to tell you then he's out as soon as he's got the keys to his new place, you will feel REALLY bad – trust me, i've been there.

[Tone]

I've already planned a few vacations (alone)

I'm free next month.

[bluesummer]

I'm probably going to London. We can rendezvous at Big Ben on May 1st at 12:00 sharp. Don't keep me waiting Tony. Don't.

[NeoSeminole]

Tone, I never implied she's not human. My point is she deserves the consequences of her actions. If she's dumb enough to keep torturing herself with her ex, then she deserves to be with this jerk. Leave the girls who are smart and mature for all the nice guys. Nobody said love is easy, but this is a no-brainer situation. She is emotionally and mentally unstable right now since her break up. The worst thing she can do is spend time with the ex. I like the example Gigabitch gave earlier, it's like an alcoholic working in a bar. Obviously, she is not ready to see her ex again b/c it has proven too difficult for her.

[Tone]

I'm sorry lil darlin, I'm too poor for that... AND I'd have to get a passport... I'll just do a bunch of freak medical studies and I'll be all ready by May!

[NeoSeminole]

bluesummer, how is my comment rude? Is it b/c it's not what you want to hear? Oh, I'm sorry. You are too good for him dear. Let's all hold hands and sing kumbaya. If you are dumb enough to put your hand in fire, you deserve to get burnt. If you are dumb enough to not study for a test, you deserve to get a C. Likewise, if you keep toturing yourself with your ex against your better judgement, then you deserve to be with this jerk.