How do I like someone new if all I keep seeing are their flaws?

[bearz]

You are trying to replace something that you don't even have right now. You need to stop comparing others to him, but that will only happen if you come to terms with the fact that you need to let this guy go and move on with your own life. You keep hanging on to him, hoping it will work out some day, and that's going to prevent you from finding someone else.

[Wakeup]

Stop wasting other guys time buy trying to use them as a means to get over this fantasy player you think you're in love with.. It's not fair to the guys you're pretending to be interested in, now is it?

Stop dating altogether for now until you've made the effort to stop thinking of this guy as your "soulmate." I bet he has a girl pining for him just like you in lots of long distant places who he tells the same things to. You don't even know him to be honest so stop pretending that this was anything more than a crush and a bit of a makeout fling.

Once you're indifferent to him, then and only then try dating again where you'll not dismiss someone who could actually be your true "soulmate" but you missed it because he wasn't your fantasy (likely) player-man.

[basilandthyme]

Why hasn't one of us moved? I got accepted into my dream university so I had to move to another continent. Maybe had I met him at a more suitable time, prior and had the same feelings, I probably would have picked a university near him. The only reason I'm here really is the university, I don't even like the location/weather etc... Also he's at university and can't just move here.

So being in your dream university is more important than being with Mr Perfect? Why do you put this guy so high on a pedestal when he's not even high enough priority for you to change your life to be near?

[broken-hearted]

Stop wasting other guys time buy trying to use them as a means to get over this fantasy player you think you're in love with.. It's not fair to the guys you're pretending to be interested in, now is it?

Stop dating altogether for now until you've made the effort to stop thinking of this guy as your "soulmate." I bet he has a girl pining for him just like you in lots of long distant places who he tells the same things to. You don't even know him to be honest so stop pretending that this was anything more than a crush and a bit of a makeout fling.

Once you're indifferent to him, then and only then try dating again where you'll not dismiss someone who could actually be your true "soulmate" but you missed it because he wasn't your fantasy (likely) player-man.

First off, I don't even know how to counter this cause it's just my experience being and talking with him but I will say that it's not like that at all. I knew him way before anything happened between us, when he was still in a relationship and we'd just talk every now and then. He's been hurt a lot and isn't just gonna go let his feelings out there like that.

His ex gf is psycho, and if he doesn't message her every half hour she threatens to kill herself. I know that cause he felt really bad hanging with me all the time with her giving grief to him for it. I told him I didn't mind that he'd have to do that, as long as we got to hang and we hung for 2 whole months, all the time. He'd even show me their messages so I don't think that he's chatting to her for other reasons but telling me that so that I don't feel bad.

Also since we hung together, he's had his laptop out plenty and I've seen his facebook, I've laid next to him chatting to people and seen his conversations, he doesn't talk to other girls like that. And if I'm one of many, then how come he spends so many hours talking to me and on Skype too. How does he have time to talk to other girls if pretty much every time he's online, he's talking to me?

So being in your dream university is more important than being with Mr Perfect? Why do you put this guy so high on a pedestal when he's not even high enough priority for you to change your life to be near?

Honestly, had this scenario happened during my university search time, I would have gone near him. I saw quite a few universities where he is, but ended up going to the States for some reasons. But really, it had just happened suddenly and I knew that education should always come first and on top of that, how do I know if it's going to work? And also, no way I can tell my parents I'm forfeiting getting accepted into a top uni for a guy. Or in general. Even though I'm 23, they finance me and if I don't do what they like, they can stop financing me and leave me to myself which is undesirable. I come from a very strict household.

But yeah, in general, education matters a lot to me. But had we been in a relationship prior, I would have picked a good enough university near him. And like I said before, I would go live near him once I graduate. And I'm more than willing to go visit on every holiday. But right now I feel that I should focus on landing a career.

[Wakeup]

Forget the part about him being a player then and just concentrate on the part that he doesn't want a relationship with you or anyone else so just do the mental exercises you need to do in order to get over him and be open to being with another guy that doesn't live a thousand miles away from you. If you keep hoping and wondering after a guy that has plainly told you that it's not going anywhere, then you'll never be ready to be with someone that does want it to go somewhere with you.

I'm not saying that it will be easy to do but do, do yourself a favor and start consciously changing the subject of him when he pops into your head to something else. Keep busy doing things you like to do with people you like doing them with and don't look for him on skype or anywhere else. Thoughts of him are stagnating you in your grief.