Argueing with gf about engagement

[Indignant]

I never said to her I never want to marry or engage her. I said i'm not ready. However she interprets this as 'never'. She thinks that if I love her, i would be ready anytime. I disagree.

Lately we started argueing about religion too. She believes and I don't, which seems to lead to some complications.

you DID say that you are not sure if you'll ever be ready.

if you DO in fact love her then what are you waiting for? if you can't respect her tradition and beliefs then get out of the relationship.

[Indignant]

now if you are facing that many obstacles, especially such as religion, from the get go then you have to realize that you ARE wasting her time. you are not losing anything, but she in fact IS.

[Skoystah]

Ive first seen her irl a year ago. I asked her to meet up like 2 years ago, but she never wanted to. Then all of a sudden it couldn't go fast enough. Although recently she told me she only 'wanted to hear' i would move here. Something she often does. She asks something of me, and all she wants to hear is that i want to do it, not me actually doing it. Ofc i always interpret it as a real question.

Anyway, I just want to find an answer. I'm not sure if i want this forever. Sure, there are things i dont like about my situation, but other things I do like. I just want to know if my doubts arise cos of missing my home country, cos of other reasons? Will this become 'better' in the future? Should i be patient? (which I have been till now). I feel like i dont want to just quickly give up and regret it later. It's just difficult ... I love her. But can I give up my country and all connected to it? Sure, by moving here I gave up a bit too, but that didnt feel as definite as this would.

This being my first relationship doesnt help much, some experience might have been helpful i guess : / I dont know if I could give her up ... but i dont know if i want to give up all for her either

[vashti]

Your first relationship? How old are you? If you are under 28, I would break off with her and move on, because younger than that is too young to get married.

And stop living with women before you are serious enough to consider marriage. Women usually only do this as a step towards a marital relationship.

[Skoystah]

I'm 26. And I don't live with her, she still lives with her parents. But she stays at my place several times a week.

Just dunno what to pick in such a situation. When one is incertain, should one pick to break it off, not awaiting further potential changes. Or should one stay, try to make the best of it, and see what happens?

I'm not really the impulsive kind, not easily giving something up. Let alone a relationship :s

[vashti]

Huh? Didn't you write this?

I've been living with a gf i met on-line since 8 months..

::sigh::

You are too young to get married. If she insists that this is what she needs right now, then break up.

[LoveHurts09]

The notion that I am getting is that you are still in the situation because she is worth it to you. Everything that you have mentioned to make her look bad in our eyes are not legit and probably slightly exaggerated. You could say that about every woman here at some point in our life.

You have already told us that you would not marry the girl, why are you wasting her time then? You have put her in the worst situation imaginable by letting her know that you wouldn't want to be married to her, however are not ready to break the relationship. If that was me, I would've dumped your ass a long time age. However it does seem that she carries feelings for you.

You fell in love with her shortly after, and she only after two years. Sounds like she is the sound one in the relationship since she started developing feelings for your persona after meeting you in real life and not falling for a fantasy boy.

If you can't accept her or love her the way she is, let her go. She doesn't deserve to go through your bachelor's dream shitty reality that you are enforcing on her.

100% agree, since when did relationship mean no arguments, ur thinking about leaving her everytime u argue? u dont love her.... u just havent met any1 better for u yet.

u already said u can get engaged w/o it getting married for years... where's the problem with that? u can still leave an engagement or even a marriage, but dont bother trying u really need to take this break to really workout ur true feelings as u seem to see relationships completely wrong... maybe u havent had/seen many real relationships.

[cakalut]

I also have face this problem once, we couple for about six years until now.. the solution here is understanding. She is very special to me.. although she keep asking for engagement, but she let me finish all my problem 1st. She is very patient person. Try to talk with your gf nicely. Discuss about your situation..

[Skoystah]

I'm not thinking about leaving her everytime we argue. I'm well aware argueing and fighting is a part of every (healthy) relationship. However there's argueing and there's argueing...

Often she gets mad or nervous for the slightest thing that goes wrong, not being able to cope with anything remotely negative... Or when we are fighting she sometimes even hits me, or tries to hurt me with some scissors or something. Somehow I don't think that's supposed to ...

It created this feeling with me that I'm constantly thinking about what I say, and many things I don't even talk about, cos I know it will 'upset' her :s I always imagined my partner as being someone I can tell anything to, without that person getting upset/nervous about it. Or it to be someone I can ask for a favor, for some help, without that person getting upset/nervous. I don't feel these things.

And to who said I'm too young to get married? That's how I feel too. She doesn't however. Think it's the habit in this country to get married asap. Which I don't find good. It's not something one rushes into. Only creating quick divorces imo, or unhappy couples.

Anyway, things are 'ok' again atm. She stopped talking about the engagement ... but for how long will it last? That's what I think everytime. I wish it would stop pressuring on us, then maybe we can develop a more healthy relationship. : /