Age difference

[lovesjoyajm]

how old were you?

[RogerWilco]

how old were you?

He's kidding. The kid's like 15 or so right now.

[lovesjoyajm]

oh haha.

[King Zarathu]

Yeah. I did have an online "(huge quotes here)relationship" with one of my friend's mom once.

She's a sick ****.

[Sandman]

Honestly, it worries me more that she's not concerned with you having a daughter.!

Yeah that is something we have to discuss.

I just couldn't imagine myself, a 20-year-old college girl, trying to play the role of mother (on some level) to someone else's kid

My Exwife is currently raising my daughter, and we agreed that she would have that responsiblity. I see her once a week. We had a special agreement about that. Things I can't really say, but it is a win/win situation for the both of us.
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She acts like no one has ever treated her right before and it scares the hell out of her. She fears that she's going to hurt me, I don't think she can. I am aware of the situation and I know what can happen. Lately I feel that I might be falling under her spell and although it feels wonderful it means losing my perspective.

I am just interested in being friends, but I do have serious feelings for her. I just watch what I say and how I feel. Honestly at times I just forget who I am and I get lost in her eyes. It doesn't take long for me to slap myself in the face and to bring myself back.

I really like her a lot, and I enjoy spending time with her. She's a very good spirited person and I'm just showing her how a person should treat her. I am really blowing her mind. I'm not the center of her universe, she does have a life outside of me, and we don't talk everyday. There is no rescue complex here, although I really want to, but that's not my place, I just want to have fun, and show her a great time.

[vashti]

Her and I get along very well, and I do think we know what the odds are. She is very carefull and she's not stupid. We are just friends for now, and it just looks like no one is really there for her. We have put friendship above everything.

The really hard thing is that I have developed stong feelings for her, and I am deeply infatuated by her. She has been through a lot in her life, and she has a lot of history. All she really needs is someone to just talk to, and I enjoy listening to her.

I may be 29, but my mental age is around 22, and I am a late bloomer. I wish I had the common sense that she has. I married at a early age, and divorced. I have a 2 year old daughter, and I have explained all this to her and she has no problem with that. Wouldn't that scare someone at that age away?

Ugh. Do this girl a favor. If you REALLY like her, move on. She is too young to be saddled with this much responsibility, and she is too naive to know it. I speak from experience. Whether or not you feel 22 emotionally, you should try to act like an adult here.

[orangez]

Hey Sandman,

I read your post and I had to sign-up and respond lol. I'm a 20 year old who is going out with a 29 year guy who has kids. First off, everyone is different so generalizing against this situation isn't going to get anyone that far on this topic lol. Yes, there would be more responsibilities in the relationship but that doesn't mean it wouldn't work out. Just because something bad happened to one person, doesn't mean it's going to happen to another.

I'd also like to mention something Sandman - Even though you have a kid, it doesn't mean this girl will lose out on her young adulthood. She's not living with you or raising your daughter so what is she really missing out on? She has enough time and space to do what she wants. Who knows, maybe she doesn't want to live a wild and crazy life like many other 20 year olds do. Everyone has different views on what they want in life. I've seen people in their late 20's and 30's who had a lot of growing up to do and then people in their early 20's who were mature enough to handle any situation.

To tell you the truth, I like to have fun and be silly, but in general I'm a laidback person who can be very serious and the crazy life that many 20 year olds live doesn't appeal to me. I guess it was the way I grew up. Also, many people who didn't know my age at first would assume I was in my mid twenties because of the way I carried myself. So, what does that tell you? Like I said, everyone's different.

Just go with what you feel is right. If you guys have great chemistry and believe that things will work out, then give it a try. I just hope she knows what she's getting into because let me tell you, it's not all that easy. But like every relationship, it takes work. Good luck and keep us posted!

[vashti]

Ha! You sound like me when I was 20. Talk to me in 15 years orangez, assuming you are still withthis guy, and lets see if you feel the same way.

By the way, I should state that I have what is considered a successful relationship - I am still married to the same guy I was dating when I was 20, and the marriage is stable. Still, it's been no easy road. Living situations change frequently for children of divorce, and there are a LOT more complications than you can imagine at the age of 20. You'll see.

[bluesummer]

Yeah, it's cute and all how she doesn't mind you having a child, but really.....what does a 20 year old childless girl know about kids? Little young to be playing mommy, although the idea of it is probably exciting and different for her. Be careful.....remember you have a child to think about too.

As for the age difference...it's tough to say. I honestly can't see what on earth a 29 year old would have in common with a 20 year old, but then you mentioned you were a 'late bloomer'. I hope it works out for you, whatever way.

[orangez]

Hey Vashti, your relationship worked out though didn't it? lol I know it's not going to be an easy road but I'm also not going to predict that the future will suck and just give up you know lol. Every relationship has its ups and downs. I'd PM you but I have to have 10 posts I think it's really neat that you guys were able to stay strong and be together for that long. Even though it's not easy, others should be allowed the same opportunity that you had. It wouldn't be fair to say that your relationship worked out and then give others the idea that their relationship wouldn't. I understand the point that you are trying to get across though.

Who knows what can happen with Sandman, maybe things will work out - maybe they won't. By the way Sandman, how long have you known this girl? If you guys don't know eachother that well, then maybe you should just stay friends longer and then take it from there. Getting into a relationship where you barely know eachother will just make things that much harder.

My boyfriend and I were friends for more than 2 years before we even started dating. I've liked him for over a year and he's liked me for over 2 so obviously there was a strong liking and attraction that wouldn't have been easy to get rid of. However, I knew what he was going through with his kids and ex-wife, all the problems, etc. so when I walked into this relationship, I knew it wasn't going to be a piece of cake.

You just never know what's going to happen.

[blondie]

I just wanted to let you know sandman, that I dated a man who whas 10 years older than I (i was 23, he was 33 and had 2 children from a previous marriage) and the experience i had with him was amazing. We did want the same things. I raised his children by myself, he was in special forces and gone about 8 months out of the year i went to college and worked. What I am getting at is that like PTC03 said communcation is key, you have to be patient and see if you are on the same page at all. I know that dating or even being interested in someone with an age difference has got you thinking "am i crazy?" but if you have a common ground, interests, values and such then go for it! We were together 5 years and still remain friends. Age means nothing if the other key ingredients are there! as long as your of age of course....

[vashti]

I just wanted to let you know sandman, that I dated a man who whas 10 years older than I (i was 23, he was 33 and had 2 children from a previous marriage) and the experience i had with him was amazing. ....

Didn't last, though, did it? And in the meantime, his kids gained and lost yet another "mother figure".

THAT is the point. After kids are involved, it's not about you and what YOU found to be amazing. Responsible, mature adults are supposed to take into consideration that everything they do will have a huge impact on the kids, and most people are willing to admit they don't love the idea of a 5 year plan on mommies. No one really wants a string of different moms (or dads) running through their lives.

[serene melody]

If you two love each other,you guys will find the best way.
I don't think age difference is a huge obstacle.The thing is compatibility.
I've loved 9 yrs older guy once,we got along well,I didn't feel any gap between us.
If she loves you so much,she can handle it.
Just live the present.

[blondie]

No the relationship did not last, but we remain very close and i still am extremely close to the girls, they just got done visiting for spring break. He doesn't let just anyone meet his children and they are the most important thing to everyone involved even though they are of age now and one has a child of her own. I never tried to be a "mother figure" to them they had one, i was an adult for them to turn to for guiandance, support whatever they needed. It doesn't matter what the age difference is, relationships will work out or they won't. I agree with serene melody.

[Ellynn]

Some people are mature for their age..even at 20. If he is immature in ways.....it balances out. I say go for it and see what happens....

My friend is 22....dating a 32 yr old. Some people think its gross...but honestly they are perfect for each other. She has her own house.....and is very mature and has a head on her shoulders. It just works ....and the main thing is that they are happy.

So who cares what other people think?