Dear John, Confused

[Mathias]

I've been through nearly the exact same thing.

She's NOT a bitch. Relax. She's figuring shit out, and clearly, a four year relationship when she was that young has put a lot of pressure on her.

You didn't do anything wrong, but honestly, neither did she. Just let her go, as hard as that is, and move on.

[invisableflames]

I've been through nearly the exact same thing.

She's NOT a bitch. Relax. She's figuring shit out, and clearly, a four year relationship when she was that young has put a lot of pressure on her.

You didn't do anything wrong, but honestly, neither did she. Just let her go, as hard as that is, and move on.

Yeah.... real hard on her. She got everything she ever wanted and some. Now she just wanted someone else, and guess what she has that. So this has been a real hard time on her I'm sure...

[Mathias]

Yeah.... real hard on her. She got everything she ever wanted and some. Now she just wanted someone else, and guess what she has that. So this has been a real hard time on her I'm sure...

Ah, the bitter ex.

I feel bad for you, I really do. I never said this has been a "hard time" on her. Just because you "gave" her stuff doesn't mean she owes you a relationship. She has to be true to herself, and that didn't include you.

She didn't do anything wrong here. You think she did, because you're having a hard time accepting it. That's fine...but anger at her is not the answer to getting over this.

[vashti]

Listen to Mathias. He knows stuff.

[invisableflames]

Ah, the bitter ex.

I feel bad for you, I really do. I never said this has been a "hard time" on her. Just because you "gave" her stuff doesn't mean she owes you a relationship. She has to be true to herself, and that didn't include you.

She didn't do anything wrong here. You think she did, because you're having a hard time accepting it. That's fine...but anger at her is not the answer to getting over this.

I'm not saying she owes me a relationship. I do think she owes me some respect. Why did she wait so long? Why would she tell me she is not ready for a relationship, yet have a different guy lined up already? Why would she tell me she still loves me? i just want closure! Thats what i think she owes me.

No matter how much i think i don't i know i still love her. But i don't see how she can say she loves me and then go off with another guy and still tell me someday we may work out! If she wants someone else she can't love me and if she can't work our problems out now how will we work them out in the future? I feel like she is playing games with me and i don't deserve that. thats what i am, saying. if i get tagged a bitter ex for that then i guess i am.

[vashti]

You guys were too young for such a lengthy relationship. Now she is doing what she is supposed to be doing at her age, and also what YOU should be doing, which is DATING. She is trying to maintain some sort of connection with you because, although she isn't ready to settle down, she DOES care about you.

Closure will not come for you until after you have achieved acceptance.

[SONOIL]

Closure will not come for you until after you have achieved acceptance.

Golden words Vashti... Yah, Man, anger, frustration, denial.... who cares.... if she loved or cared she just simply wouldn't be doin stuff like this...! Stay Strong!

[Gigabitch]

If it makes you feel any better, just tell yourself that she did the best she could. She's limited, like everyone. I'm sure whatever pain she caused you wasn't out of malice but out of simply being human.

It might be good for you to forgive her and move on.

[invisableflames]

How do i move on?

What do i need to do to get her out of my head. I cannot sleep at night because i am used of hearing her voice before i go to sleep. Any time i have a second, i pull out my phone and want to call her like old times. I want to know what she is doing and how she feels. I want to hear her voice. I cannot get her out of my head. Maybe she was a bitch maybe she wasn't, maybe she needed room, maybe she was too young! I don't really care anymore. I know it will not work between us anymore but yet i cannot get her out of my head. As soon as i have a free second i am thinking about her! I leave for Basic Training it 3 weeks. So i just can't go out and find someone else to attach too. Also my friends will be going back to school at the end of the week which means all i will be doing is thinking about her until i leave!

I can't TAKE IT! Everything i do, Everything i see reminds me of her. My car, my phone, my computer games, my ****ing reflection. Every time i think she is there. I can not sleep, i haven't been hungry, and i feel it will only get worse. I want to move on but i don't know how! I wish i had someone to talk too, but she is the only one that would and understand.

Help

[vashti]

How do i move on?

What do i need to do to get her out of my head. I cannot sleep at night because i am used of hearing her voice before i go to sleep. Any time i have a second, i pull out my phone and want to call her like old times. I want to know what she is doing and how she feels. I want to hear her voice. I cannot get her out of my head. Maybe she was a bitch maybe she wasn't, maybe she needed room, maybe she was too young! I don't really care anymore. I know it will not work between us anymore but yet i cannot get her out of my head. As soon as i have a free second i am thinking about her! I leave for Basic Training it 3 weeks. So i just can't go out and find someone else to attach too. Also my friends will be going back to school at the end of the week which means all i will be doing is thinking about her until i leave!

I can't TAKE IT! Everything i do, Everything i see reminds me of her. My car, my phone, my computer games, my ****ing reflection. Every time i think she is there. I can not sleep, i haven't been hungry, and i feel it will only get worse. I want to move on but i don't know how! I wish i had someone to talk too, but she is the only one that would and understand.

Help

First, take a deep breath and calm down.

If you are leaving for basic training in three weeks, you should not be attaching yourself to ANYONE.

Why don't you look into taking some fitness classes (yoga would help you to learn to relax) and doing some volunteer work for the next three weeks? Physically exhausting yourself should help, and "Meals on Wheels" always needs drivers, and it would give you the opportunity to see what real suffering is.

I don't mean to minimize your pain; I only want you to have a healthier perspective.

[invisableflames]

That kind of came out wrong I'm not looking for someone to attach to. I was stating i know i cannot attach to someone because i am leaving. I know that is usually what people do, try a rebound thing or something. Even if i wasn't leaving i have trust issues and it is very hard for me to find friends let alone someone i can actually feel comfortable talking to in person. I know i cannot get involved with anyone for at least another 5 months.

I volunteer already and i still find free time, between that and working. Also like i said i cannot sleep this is when i think most. How can i not think about her at these times?

[vashti]

You need to be more physically exhausted. Try some serious yard work. I mean it.

[invisableflames]

I told her that we couldn't be friends because i would always want more. She wanted to be friends. I want to contact her to see how she feels without me but i feel she will tell me something i don't want to hear. On the other side if i don't contact her i pushed her away and maybe she thinks i don't want anything to do with her!

Also how do i know how i feel? All i can do is think about her, but i still feel like she cheated on me for lack of better words. Even if she does want me what would i do. If she doesn't will it be easier to get over her? I don't know what to do.

I guess this is where the saying "You can't live with them, and you can't live without them" comes from.

[invisableflames]

If this is what love is i never want it again.

[vashti]

You aren't even reading my responses, are you? ::sigh::