What's going on with him? friends with benefits confusing me...

[mojones1990]

To be perfectly honest with you, going just based on what you have shared with us, my first instinct would be to tell you to end this relationship and do not look back. The guy kind of sounds like a psycho to me. BUT, take that with a grain of salt. That is only going based on what you have told us, and I am sure it isn't like you have shared every single little detail. Without being him or you, I don't think any of us could necessarily tell you what to do, but we can at least offer our thoughts and advice.

As Wakeup points out, you've left out one pretty majorly important detail..... What do you want with this guy? Do you want to remain as just "friends with benefits" or do you want to potentially take the relationship more seriously? If you really have no interest in becoming more serious (or at least not now) and wish to remain "FWB," then you should probably end things. Maybe it is just me, but it definitely does NOT sound like he just wants to be your friend with benefits. I would agree that a lot of the stuff you have told us sounds to me more like he likes you and wants a more serious relationship. If that IS the case, he needs to man up and just say so. Maybe you'll want that, maybe you won't, but he can't keep acting like a child and not being up front about what he wants. If you ARE just FWB, then he has no right to bug you about what you may or may not do with other men, women, or whatever you are into.

By the way, unless there are also further details you didn't mention, I fail to see how you "messed up" at all. If you and he were only really dating at the time, and not at all exclusive, then how does he have any right to begrudge you for dating another guy, two other guys, three other guys, heck even 300 other guys at the time? If there was no implied and/or directly stated exclusivity, then there is nothing saying you can't do just that.

Anyways, again, only you can really know what is best in this situation. I hope we were able to help at least a little bit, though. Even if just to offer a different person's perspective, and a little of our own thoughts and advice. Good luck to you.

go*by*mojo1990

This past Friday he calls me drunk saying how he missed me, how it feels like we haven't seen each other in months and asked why haven't we talked in two weeks and wanted to know if I was with that guy that I went on a date with a few weeks before (he looked into my phone and saw we had set up a date). Then he says "when you lay next to me it just feels right", "I just want to hold you in my arms as I fall asleep" (he said that drunk to me 2 weeks before too) "I just miss talking to you, we don't even have to have sex I just want to talk" and how he needed to see me and how we have this connection and that he wanted me to come over to talk about us and our situation.

Finally he said he just wants to see where this goes with us. The next day he texted me saying he was drunk and I said ok and he asked if I was mad, I said nope and the he asked what he said to me the night before and I replied oh nothing much then he calls me to ask again if I was mad and why I was being so short.


I Saturday night had two glasses of champagne and unfortunately sent him this:

"Look I've to be honest here because this is just getting to be too much. Like I said I really do feel like your actions aren't matching your words. I know you said you were drunk when you said all those things but I also know when people are drunk they usually speak how they feel.*

Look I've to be honest here because this is just getting to be too much. Like I said I really do feel like your actions aren't matching your words. I know you said you were drunk when you said all those things but I also know when people are drunk they usually speak how they feel.*

I could be wrong but I feel like we're both interested in each other but I feel as though you don't truly believe that I am, hence the wishy washy behavior. To be honest I felt like you told me not to get attached because you're attached and so you're trying to put it on me. Well that's not that the case because I feel the same. I know you don't want to be vulnerable bc neither do I hate bc I hate it that's why I didn't want to come over last week week bc I was so pissed with you.

I know you said you wanted to see where this goes and honestly so do I.*

our communication sucks big old balls but whatever but I know pride is a mofo especially for me so whatever you have to say and you dont feel the same timeI'll take for face value and not try to analyze anymore and I'll just be done really this time"

He said "thanks for being honest I don't feel the same way"*

Honestly really shocked right now...

[Wakeup]

Good!

Now you can get TF on with your life without him in it. You're wasting good dating years on a chump who is, if nothing else, mind fvcking you to distraction. Quit screwing him, quit talking to him, quit taking his calls, texts, emails and get on with your life and finding a decent guy. Quit the casual sexual stuff without commitment. PERIOD!

[mojones1990]

Good!

Now you can get TF on with your life without him in it. You're wasting good dating years on a chump who is, if nothing else, mind fvcking you to distraction. Quit screwing him, quit talking to him, quit taking his calls, texts, emails and get on with your life and finding a decent guy. Quit the casual sexual stuff without commitment. PERIOD!

Well I'm not sure if you read what theeveiljester wrote, about him seeming kind of psycho. Well I talked to my friends and they said the same thing, even my own mother. Not sure if they're just being little dramatic here or what but my mother brought up some really interesting things...

Talked to my mother and she said the exact same thing. She said he’s controlling even took it as far as saying he’s obsessed with me and is crazy. Also said his “I don’t feel the same way” was crap, it's just another way to control and brought up Pavlov’s dog experiment (where he took the treat away from the dog in order to gain more control because the dog would be more inclined to be more obedient to get the treat again).

My mother said he’ll be back and sing a different tune because again he seems to be obsessed and because he's controlling.

The thing is I live two hours away and he would damn near beg to see me and be so clingy and needy and when I don't act the way he wanted he goes to the extreme and tries to strike back aka when he kept begging me to stay and I said no I’m going to hang out with another guy, bam a week later “I don’t want you to get attached”. Last month he saw me out at bar he kept calling me while I was there even though he could see me but wouldn't approach me to talk but then later on, still hadn't spoken to me but he kept touching me and messing with my hair and holding on to me. Then he texted me hello right when he was standing next me -_-. Afterwards I was talking to a guy came up between us “she’s not going to call you bro she’s coming home with me” I said no. Walked away and started to talk to another guy he comes up and says “I’m going to knock him out I’m going to kill him” then he started begging again for me to come home with him, I kept saying no he starts saying “I thought we were working on being exclusive! I thought we were working on being exclusive! Just come home with me, just cine home with me, your friend can stay on the couch just come home (granted he was drunk but still). Went home and he kept calling me and I ignored him.

Next morning texted me,ignored that too, then asked me to come over and I said no. A week later after not talking he says “we should stop hanging out because you’re going to want more this won’t be anything”<—Striking back when I don’t act like he wants aka the controlling obsessive behavior. Looking into my phone, asking who I’m talking to, and he loves to ask if other guys are black or white (he’s white and I’m black) and he told me we should take pictures of us together to send it to my ex, said I should give him oral so that when I would go see the other guy he could "taste him" when he and I kissed (that's just sick).*

Just last week he asked me if I slept with this other guy, did I "blow him" to which I said no, and he said I don't believe you, then asked if I "jacked him off", how many dates me and this guy went on, then wanted to know the average number of dates me and this guy went on, wth?. And all of this but we’re not together and I live hours away. I’m moving to his city soon which he knows and he even suggested I look into his area and mother is afraid for me to spend time with him because she said he'll behavior will only get worse because he's doing all this and we're not even together or live in the same city.


Not too long ago he kept blowing me with texts and phone calls and kept asking where I was so that he could come get me because he wanted to see me but I was with my ex so I couldn't pick. So the next day he tells me he went out of town and when I finally see him he was like "where were you the other night? I kept asking where you were so that I could come get you, you were probably on some other dude's d**k. So I asked where he went out of town to he said he just made that up because he didn't want to see me because I pissed him off when I didn't let him know where to come pick me up.*

This isn't everything this ^^^^ has just been the last two months lol.


Not sure if she’s being a worry wart mother or if she’s right…

[TheEvilJester]

Mothers do tend to worry. Sometimes even overly so. ....This is NOT one of those times. Your friends are saying it, your mom is saying it, us weirdos/strangers on the World Wide Interwebs are saying it.....

This guy is a nutter butter with an extra side of nuts. Why does he suddenly pull a 180 and tell you there isn't interest on his side right when you've told him you do want to see if there could be more between you two? Because he wants to force the balance of "power" in your "relationship" back to him. That, right there, should tell you all you need to know. There should be no concern over who has "the power" in a relationship. That is not the point, nor should it be either person. You should have the power together, not a balance between one person having it or not.

He's obviously not grown up yet. You need to be finding yourself a man, not an overgrown boy.

Believe me, I understand how you feel. You once thought there could have been something there. That can be a hard feeling to give up. Right now, there is still part of you that wants that, so you try to cling on to some small hope that he could be the guy for you. The thing is, the fact that there is part of you that still wants that connection is a GOOD THING. You just need to direct the attention toward somebody else. Even just direct that attention towards trying to find that someone else.

Good luck to you. Trust me, when you find somebody who will actually treat you right, you won't be able to understand why you ever even gave this punk a second glance.

[Wakeup]

Well I'm not sure if you read what theeveiljester wrote, about him seeming kind of psycho. Well I talked to my friends and they said the same thing, even my own mother. Not sure if they're just being little dramatic here or what but my mother brought up some really interesting things...

Talked to my mother and she said the exact same thing. She said he’s controlling even took it as far as saying he’s obsessed with me and is crazy. Also said his “I don’t feel the same way” was crap, it's just another way to control and brought up Pavlov’s dog experiment (where he took the treat away from the dog in order to gain more control because the dog would be more inclined to be more obedient to get the treat again).

My mother said he’ll be back and sing a different tune because again he seems to be obsessed and because he's controlling.

The thing is I live two hours away and he would damn near beg to see me and be so clingy and needy and when I don't act the way he wanted he goes to the extreme and tries to strike back aka when he kept begging me to stay and I said no I’m going to hang out with another guy, bam a week later “I don’t want you to get attached”. Last month he saw me out at bar he kept calling me while I was there even though he could see me but wouldn't approach me to talk but then later on, still hadn't spoken to me but he kept touching me and messing with my hair and holding on to me. Then he texted me hello right when he was standing next me -_-. Afterwards I was talking to a guy came up between us “she’s not going to call you bro she’s coming home with me” I said no. Walked away and started to talk to another guy he comes up and says “I’m going to knock him out I’m going to kill him” then he started begging again for me to come home with him, I kept saying no he starts saying “I thought we were working on being exclusive! I thought we were working on being exclusive! Just come home with me, just cine home with me, your friend can stay on the couch just come home (granted he was drunk but still). Went home and he kept calling me and I ignored him.

Next morning texted me,ignored that too, then asked me to come over and I said no. A week later after not talking he says “we should stop hanging out because you’re going to want more this won’t be anything”<—Striking back when I don’t act like he wants aka the controlling obsessive behavior. Looking into my phone, asking who I’m talking to, and he loves to ask if other guys are black or white (he’s white and I’m black) and he told me we should take pictures of us together to send it to my ex, said I should give him oral so that when I would go see the other guy he could "taste him" when he and I kissed (that's just sick).*

Just last week he asked me if I slept with this other guy, did I "blow him" to which I said no, and he said I don't believe you, then asked if I "jacked him off", how many dates me and this guy went on, then wanted to know the average number of dates me and this guy went on, wth?. And all of this but we’re not together and I live hours away. I’m moving to his city soon which he knows and he even suggested I look into his area and mother is afraid for me to spend time with him because she said he'll behavior will only get worse because he's doing all this and we're not even together or live in the same city.


Not too long ago he kept blowing me with texts and phone calls and kept asking where I was so that he could come get me because he wanted to see me but I was with my ex so I couldn't pick. So the next day he tells me he went out of town and when I finally see him he was like "where were you the other night? I kept asking where you were so that I could come get you, you were probably on some other dude's d**k. So I asked where he went out of town to he said he just made that up because he didn't want to see me because I pissed him off when I didn't let him know where to come pick me up.*

This isn't everything this ^^^^ has just been the last two months lol.


Not sure if she’s being a worry wart mother or if she’s right…

Who gives a flying fk about all that? You certainly shouldn't and we don't know you enough to care about any of it. The Bottom line is: He's told you he doesn't feel the same way so take him a face value and get YOURSELF away from him for good. You are wasting your good dating years on him and being obsessed with him and what he MAY be thinking/doing.

Speaking of power: Take back your personal power and block and delete the douche.

[mojones1990]

Mothers do tend to worry. Sometimes even overly so. ....This is NOT one of those times. Your friends are saying it, your mom is saying it, us weirdos/strangers on the World Wide Interwebs are saying it.....

This guy is a nutter butter with an extra side of nuts. Why does he suddenly pull a 180 and tell you there isn't interest on his side right when you've told him you do want to see if there could be more between you two? Because he wants to force the balance of "power" in your "relationship" back to him. That, right there, should tell you all you need to know. There should be no concern over who has "the power" in a relationship. That is not the point, nor should it be either person. You should have the power together, not a balance between one person having it or not.

He's obviously not grown up yet. You need to be finding yourself a man, not an overgrown boy.

Believe me, I understand how you feel. You once thought there could have been something there. That can be a hard feeling to give up. Right now, there is still part of you that wants that, so you try to cling on to some small hope that he could be the guy for you. The thing is, the fact that there is part of you that still wants that connection is a GOOD THING. You just need to direct the attention toward somebody else. Even just direct that attention towards trying to find that someone else.

Good luck to you. Trust me, when you find somebody who will actually treat you right, you won't be able to understand why you ever even gave this punk a second glance.

Yea you're right to be honest I'm not even upset over this,shocked sure, but I'm fine

No more crazy for me lol
Thanks for all the advice

[TheEvilJester]

Good for you. I think your feelings on the matter even more so tell you the time is right now to just leave him. You describe yourself as "shocked, but not upset." This means, even if there is some small part of you that wishes this weren't the case, you are starting to realize that you don't need this guy in your life. You don't need the drama he represents. That small part of you that still wishes there was something between you two.... that part will find somebody who deserves your attention and will grow and be merry. :-D

I mean, I think we all have to deal with enough of our OWN crazy in life. You shouldn't have to worry about somebody else's as well. Good luck to you. Take some advice from Aretha. R-E-S-P-E-C-T. (Which is what he hasn't been showing you, and what any man should.)

P.S.

For those of you now picturing me in full Aretha Franklin get-up belting out the aforementioned tune..... I apologize profusely for any and all mental anguish I have caused. :-P