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Thread: I don't like my girls past

  1. #16
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    Quote Originally Posted by basilandthyme View Post
    I'd have much the same to say to a woman who was upset that her boyfriend had kissed many. Can't see where feminism comes into the equation.
    Because that very topic did come up, and all of the women here said he wasn't boyfriend material and not worth keeping around.

  2. #17
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    So... if all the women in a given community agree on a given topic, it must mean that it's because of a feminist reason? o.O

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    Yes​​​​​​​​​​.

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    Quote Originally Posted by KingZ View Post
    Because that very topic did come up, and all of the women here said he wasn't boyfriend material and not worth keeping around.
    Oh, was that the guy who was boasting about having nailed 100+ women? My response to a boaster will be quite different to one who is discussing the past of a partner. I don't like boasters (male or female), so I like to take them down a peg or two.

    Context is everything
    Never regret anything that has happened in your life. It cannot be changed, forgotten or undone. So, take it as a lesson learned and move on.

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    Quote Originally Posted by basilandthyme View Post
    Oh, was that the guy who was boasting about having nailed 100+ women? My response to a boaster will be quite different to one who is discussing the past of a partner. I don't like boasters (male or female), so I like to take them down a peg or two.

    Context is everything
    Right, but you need to have consistency. I tried to bring this up with everyone in some thread, but nobody wanted to address it.

    It doesn't matter whether or not they're boasting. If someone is more experienced than you in some way, do you have the right to end it without being told you have issues, like searock did above? And if not, at what point do you?

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    Quote Originally Posted by KingZ View Post
    Right, but you need to have consistency. I tried to bring this up with everyone in some thread, but nobody wanted to address it.

    It doesn't matter whether or not they're boasting. If someone is more experienced than you in some way, do you have the right to end it without being told you have issues, like searock did above? And if not, at what point do you?
    I'm consistent with taking down boasters a peg or two

    I think one has the right to end a relationship for any reason. My caveat is that they don't make judgement calls on the partner's behaviour. For example, "you and I have quite different outlooks on relationships and it's not working for me" is very different to "she's immoral"

    In this thread, I'm with Chinagirl. OP needs to find himself a conservative girlfriend. But I also think he needs to quit labeling his girlfriend's behaviour. Yes, they have different outlooks and this makes them incompatible, but his judgement calls just make him look like a dick.
    Never regret anything that has happened in your life. It cannot be changed, forgotten or undone. So, take it as a lesson learned and move on.

  7. #22
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    His issues are his obsessing over her past, while refusing to acknowledge that he simply shouldn't be with her since it bothers him so much. It's dysfunctional. If he wants an inexperienced girl, he should be with an inexperienced girl. If he wants a more experienced girl, he needs to get over his obsession-over-her-past issues.

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    Quote Originally Posted by basilandthyme View Post
    his judgement calls just make him look like a dick.
    What the hell? The OP of this thread is so mild and rational! Look at this guy:

    I know it's probably wrong that I judge her based on this, but I can't help the thoughts in my head. Any advice how?
    Look at that! He's openly admitting that he knows (thinks) it's wrong and he wants to change. What is it he wants to change, exactly?

    I would say you should save that sort of stuff for people you care about.
    This is a perfectly reasonable, rational thought process. Is it so insane to think that you should reserve your body for those that you feel emotionally connected with?

    God forbid it's a male that's fu​cked around a bit, because every woman on LF would chime in with "you're not relationship material" blah blah.

    - - - Updated - - -

    Quote Originally Posted by searock View Post
    His issues are his obsessing over her past, while refusing to acknowledge that he simply shouldn't be with her since it bothers him so much. It's dysfunctional. If he wants an inexperienced girl, he should be with an inexperienced girl. If he wants a more experienced girl, he needs to get over his obsession-over-her-past issues.
    If the OP is staying with her despite being bothered by her past, then yes, that's a problem and he should just end the relationship. No disagreement there.

    However, I would reserve calling him a dick over his values. Actually, I'd even go so far as to say you can't even call him judgmental, necessarily. If a person who likes dogs wants to date another person that likes dogs, and will break up with a chick because she has previously owned a cat (that bitch!), then it's entirely his own discretion.

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    I didn't call him a dick. I said that using judgmental terms such as 'immoral' make him sound like a dick. There's a difference.

    And yes, there's nothing wrong with him wanting someone who's compatible: I think it's his best course of action. It's just his judgement call which get my wick. FWIW, Michelle's judgement calls generate exactly the same response in me....so it's not a feminist thing.

    - - - Updated - - -

    anyway, I have no interest debating this further. Will move on from this thread
    Never regret anything that has happened in your life. It cannot be changed, forgotten or undone. So, take it as a lesson learned and move on.

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    Quote Originally Posted by basilandthyme View Post
    And yes, there's nothing wrong with him wanting someone who's compatible: I think it's his best course of action. It's just his judgement call which get my wick. FWIW, Michelle's judgement calls generate exactly the same response in me....so it's not a feminist thing.
    The feminism comment was made in jest, btw.

  11. #26
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    Quote Originally Posted by MikeSmith View Post
    I've been seeing this girl for a while now, and really like her. But she has a past that I don't respect in relation to her kissing a lot of boys that she had no feelings for. Unfortunately this past is always in my mind and I can't get rid of it. So shall I end me and her, or shall I live with the thoughts always in my head?
    Yes break up with her. She deserves to be with someone who really, really wants her. Don't you think?
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    what judgement call? I wouldnt date someone who didnt share my values to begin with. I wouldnt stay with them having all those nagging doubts in my head. So my advice OP is to move on and find a girl who shares the same values/beliefs as you do. I am with a man who shares my views on intimacy (that you should care about those that you become sexually involved with) and it works for us
    "Don't ask a question if you can't handle the answer".

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    I got the impression he wanted to stay with her and overcome his own psychological block that is putting strain on his relationship.

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