My wife cheated on me. Twice

[Cain]

This is soooo true. I remember finding some messages on my ex's phone that were really questionable. Yes, call me a snoop but I had to know. From that day the trust was gone, I tried and tried...but it was hopeless. We ended up getting in sooo many fights over it. She would constantly blame me for not trusting her with anything, telling me I needed to get over it, even though it was her fault for my lack of trust.

Turned out she was cheating on me .

I'm sorry to hear about your wife, it's a shame. I see what happened is that she's immature. She's young, she committed to you and she's probably regretting being tied down so young.But, I wish you the best of luck with this.

Isn't it ironic when a bf/gf gets pissed at you for not trusting them and thinking that they'd go so low as cheating... and then it turns out they were cheating all alone?

I'd have to cut a bitch.

[bluesummer]

Isn't it ironic when a bf/gf gets pissed at you for not trusting them and thinking that they'd go so low as cheating... and then it turns out they were cheating all alone?

Yeah, my ex-husband did that to me constantly. The getting mad AND the cheating.

To the OP: Sorry, but she cheated TWICE. It's not like she did it once and was so torn up about it, she ran to you and told you and begged you for forgiveness. No, she went and did it AGAIN. Now that telss me she has a pretty good chance of doing it yet another time in the future. She'll just get better at hiding it every time. Take it from someone who knows.

[clearskies]

Cheating is unbearable... it is worse than lying since it is based on lies.. Get away and save your time for someone who deserves.

[Sandman]

Sorry for getting back so late.....I've had a lot to do lately and I'm moving in a couple of days.....

My wife doesn't regret being tied down so early, it's that she's a very emotional woman and very dependent, she is extremely intelligent and sweet, and I love her family.
I idolize her, even after all of this and I spent the last 2 days working on this with her and I had her call the prick and it appears to be over. It's not all better like I said before, before we married I cheated on her with my ex wife and she forgave me. I quickly put that chapter to an end and we moved on. I want to give my wife the same courtesy, and give her the same chance she gave me. I have access to all her phone records and I am going to watch her like a hawk just as she probably did to me.

If I this got out to her family, it would destroy and rip her family apart, so I dealt with it discreetly, I did what was best for us and the family. I am insisting on couples counseling and we will do well. If not her parents will disown her, they already know about what I did and I got hell for it. They forgave me, but another infidelity will rip the family apart.

I just hope she doesn't come up pregnant, he didn't bother to use a ****ing condom.....that really pissed me off....

Lets see what pans out...

Edit:

she ran to you and told you and begged you for forgiveness. No, she went and did it AGAIN

She never asked for forgiveness and did it again...I caught her only once. She told me she did it twice....

[1averagejoe]

Isn't it ironic when a bf/gf gets pissed at you for not trusting them and thinking that they'd go so low as cheating... and then it turns out they were cheating all alone?

I'd have to cut a bitch.

It's called Transference. I remember my psychology teacher in high school talking about it and gave the example of people that cheat and then accuse their partner of cheating when in fact they're the one cheating. Ironically my ex was in that class with me.

[url]http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Transference[/url]

[Sandman]

It's called Transference. I remember my psychology teacher in high school talking about it and gave the example of people that cheat and then accuse their partner of cheating when in fact they're the one cheating. Ironically my ex was in that class with me.

[url]http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Transference[/url]

That's it exactly

[Cain]

You cheated too? Well, hell, you deserve each other then.

Just remember, if she knows you're watching her every move and invading her privacy, she's going to eventually get pissed and annoyed. You can't forgive her and then keep saying "I'm watching you because you cheated!" When you forgive someone, you're trying to forget. Though you won't truly forget, you don't show signs that you still remember.

And your wife isn't as smart as you think she is if she didn't use a condom with a guy she was cheating with. You might want to get her tested before you have sex with her again.

[Sandman]

You cheated too? Well, hell, you deserve each other then.

Just remember, if she knows you're watching her every move and invading her privacy, she's going to eventually get pissed and annoyed. You can't forgive her and then keep saying "I'm watching you because you cheated!" When you forgive someone, you're trying to forget. Though you won't truly forget, you don't show signs that you still remember.

And your wife isn't as smart as you think she is if she didn't use a condom with a guy she was cheating with. You might want to get her tested before you have sex with her again.

Hey, thats not fair.....and out right mean. Yeah, since the incident I have been using condoms with her, and she won't know I'm watching....and just for a little while anyway, she thinks everything is peachy. I know how and what to say. We are both human beings and people make mistakes. I do not have to justify myself here. I just came here with a problem and poured my heart out and admitting my issues looking for some answers, not insults...

[Cain]

You cheated once and given the right circumstances I'm hard pressed to believe you wouldn't do it again. Once a cheater, always a cheater. However, I'm not going to keep insulting you and I'll actually help like I've tried to do a few times in this post already. I'm not going to be all "awh, you both cheated? That sucks. I sure hope you learned your lesson, young man." That's for your mom to do. I'm going to point out your mistakes and I'm going to make whatever comments I want to. You should have mentioned that you cheated on her before she cheated on you in your original post.

Anyways... you shouldn't be having sex with her AT ALL until she gets tested. Condoms aren't 100%. They aren't guaranteed to protect from diseases. Wouldn't that be a kicker? She screws some other guy with no condom, gets HIV or Hepatitis, and then you screw her and the condom doesn't protect and you get it too.

Honestly, I have a hard time thinking that you even have a right to watch her like a hawk since you're not any different than she is.

[zoso]

Like Cain said, have her get tested. She may get pissy about it, but oh well. SHE cheated after all, so she has to deal with the consequences.
There are STD's that can infect the general genital area, not the vagina itself. (like genital warts) The condom only protects the penis from that one area, so it's not 100% safe.

I hope you can trust her again. Since you were in her situation at one time, you know what she's probably feeling. The shame, guilt, etc. If you are able to trust again, perhaps you should give her a kind of "trial period." Watch her like a hawk for X number of months, and then start to ease off if nothing suspicious happens.

[bluesummer]

And your wife isn't as smart as you think she is if she didn't use a condom with a guy she was cheating with. You might want to get her tested before you have sex with her again.

Sorry, but I agree on Cain with this one. I think it's doubly as selfish for a person to cheat, and then also do it unprotected, knowing they run the risk of infecting their SO with a terrible disease.

So in the end, you're both cheaters? Well, like attracts like I guess. Don't be suprised if one of you does it again in the future, since now you've both made it clear that it's a forgiveable offense in your marriage.

[Mish]

I woke her up and confronted her.....Then she started to cry, she didn't lie to me, she came right out with it. I asked her how many times.....and she said twice. When I asked why, she just said it sort of happened and she was feeling lonely. She felt that
that I resented her, but she didn't know why. It's just we hardly see each other any more. I want to confront this guy, but my wife demands that I don't....I just want to ask why?

I don't know how to take this....I held her as she cried her eyes out and told her that everything was going to be okay, and that I forgive her...Deep down I don't, although I feel that I contributed to this by not being there for her, but she never gave me the chance.

I don't think you should confront the guy as well, you should focus on your wife.

I think you need to talk to her again and take your words back. Tell her everything is not going to be okay if this behaviour continues. And I'm telling you this only because I can see that you have forgiven her and willing to try to repair the relationship, if you didn't I would advice to let her go. You must draw some solid lines and boundaries with her and get her commitment towards repairing a broken relationship for things to get better. If she disagrees then you should leave asap. If she agress, then she must break it off with this guy (on the phone, with you present) and promise that this will never happen again. She should understand that if it does then it's over. Now is the time to make her do amends for her behaviour. On your end, you must find a way to rebuild your trust in her. This will be difficult, but you must trust that if she says she's done with cheating then she's done with cheating and you will not mistrust her in the future.

[Sandman]

I guess I came to the wrong place.....
I wasn't ready at the time to be married and neither was she.

I don't have to justify myself, and this is the last I'm going to talk about it. Thanx, but I'm to have to do what I feel is right here, and
I don't believe "once a cheater always a cheater" I don't deal with absolutes, and to say such a thing would make me a even worser than I was before.

All this is just a testament to how much I want my marriage to work, and if it happens again I will through her to the curb.

I'm dedicated to make my marriage work, and therapy will be a possible solution.

I found my own answer and thank u

[Cain]

Therapy is a common sense solution.

You really need to stop whining about people being mean and not giving you the answers you want to hear. If your will was broken down once and it allowed you to cheat, it's possible that it will happen again. Who knows? Maybe your marriage will work and you two will be amazing together. Maybe in 3 months she'll cheat on you again. Who knows?

[Mish]

I found my own answer and thank u

Well, it looks like you found all the answers and didn't need anyone's help after all. You know what to do from here.

Best of luck