A guy I admired got rough in bed...

[Bellaveev]

Thanks again for the advice and kind words. Im going to have to figure out how to say something today. I suspect you guys were right he probably doesn't expect me to say anything and I need to recognize this as not normal. I kind of deleted the stuff about my mom in an earlier post I thought it was too much information but she passed away awhile back and its why my family is so tight nit today and protective of me in general to a suffocating level. Ive been around and raised by four good guys my whole life so I think its partly why Im shocked that a guy could be so mean. I would have told her the second I got home if she were around. I thought about that after people were posting that I should tell her, and it kind of made me realize if I would have told her if she were around then yea I should tell someone.

Could I get away with having someone read my post here? Id really rather not say it out loud if i can avoid it. I feel like I might smooth over what happened if I say it myself to defuse the situation vs. letting out what really happened.

[LailaK]

Please tell your family.

He's counting on you being too embarrassed and trust me THAT is getting him off just as much as the fact that he hurt you in the first place.

You haven't mentioned a mother so I'm thinking she's not in the picture. Try to talk to your father alone or one of your brothers. Start off the conversation with "I almost didn't tell you because I don't want you to be mad at me..." This will let them know right off the bat that the situation is delicate and that they should handle you gently.

Trust me, you will feel better after you tell.

[LailaK]

Thanks again for the advice and kind words. Im going to have to figure out how to say something today. I suspect you guys were right he probably doesn't expect me to say anything and I need to recognize this as not normal. I kind of deleted the stuff about my mom in an earlier post I thought it was too much information but she passed away awhile back and its why my family is so tight nit today and protective of me in general to a suffocating level. Ive been around and raised by four good guys my whole life so I think its partly why Im shocked that a guy could be so mean. I would have told her the second I got home if she were around. I thought about that after people were posting that I should tell her, and it kind of made me realize if I would have told her if she were around then yea I should tell someone.

Could I get away with having someone read my post here? Id really rather not say it out loud if i can avoid it. I feel like I might smooth over what happened if I say it myself to defuse the situation vs. letting out what really happened.

If it's too hard for you to say, I think sitting a family member down to read your post is acceptable.

[doppelgaenger]

This guy sounds like Ted Bundy.

[erik]

sounds like a textbook sociopath, not saying he is definitely, but it sure wouldn't be surprising. Reminds me of Canadian serial killer Paul Bernardo (I read on of the books on them), nice guy, charming, likeable etc, but all of his ex-girlfriends would later say that the relationship with him would progress to bondage and forced anal sex, sometimes at knife point with derogatory and ultra sexist remarks added..........get rid of this dickhead

[kitkitkitty]

yeah actually, definitely a mother and daughter chat.

[rain.man]

Definitely talk to family, but you've gotta be careful how you do it. If either of my sisters came to me with this story, beating his ass is only the beginning of what I'd do to him. You need to take this to whichever family member is the most level-headed and let him handle it.

[Mish]

I feel like I got into this mess, and it proved them right in a weird way. I don't know if that even makes sense, but it makes me sick thinking about telling them for this reason. I feel like I let them down in a weird way. I don't know how to even phrase what happened either. Its not like 'oh he hit me' or anything like that.

You feel like you let them down because you did let them down. They didn't want you near the guy and you went against their will to do the opposite. Now when you talk to them and describe what happened you need to acknowledge your mistake.

As far as the guy goes, he doesn't have to hit you to be in the wrong. It sounds like he forced you into something you didn't want to do, that alone should be incriminating enough for anyone with half a brain cell. Tell your father about what happened and leave it up to him, he will know what to do with the guy.

[Bellaveev]

Hi everyone, I just wanted to stop by a last time for an update and thank everyone for the advice. It got pretty messy around my house these last days but he got what he deserved maybe a little more even. I think it's figured out and I'm movin' on now Thanks again for the advice, its cool theres a place like this online! Take care.

[vashti]

oh, no!!!!! you must tell us what your brothers did!

[Henry123]

. He grabbed me by the neck really hard and held me down. Im petite about one hundred pounds and five feet tall and it seemed really unnecessary for someone his size to do. Before he was pretty gentle but after he pinned me he started getting extremely rough and laughed at me struggling. Afterward I was really upset and asked him what that was all about and he was just laughing at me. Laughing? Really? what a strange thing to do is what I thought....

Get rid of this guy befor he Kills you!! Sooner or later its going to happen (wether its accidental or not).

He sounds like he has a profile of serial killer (or someone who will be one; one day.)
Alot of serial killers are sadists. With a Jekyl & Hyde personality. Who takes enjoyment in hurting others.

Get rid of him!

[Henry123]

Maybe you should report it to the police (at least it will go on record just incase he does it to someone else or kills someone in the future. The police will suspect him first.). Speak to a female officer they will understand.

He did after all put his hand on your throat. And it wasnt gently. It could be consider physical assault. Just say he assualted you to the police.

[Bellaveev]

I had to re-read peoples posts here to muster up the courage that I was making the right decision. I don't know any of you personally but you helped me more than you know. It was probably the hardest thing i've done. Everyone got off work and came to my house, including him. I was going to wait until he left to tell my family, but my rooms on the bottom floor and he had the nerve to come down and intimidate me in my own damn room with my entire family upstairs after they had invited him over. He shut the door and it was just creepy how he seemed to relish how just plain afraid I was of him. It was just too much. So luckily one of my brothers meandered downstairs and asked what he was doing in my room; no one had a clue about our relationship and of course he acted totally nice when my brother came in. sigh. I realize now he's not nice he's just smug and creepy. As soon as he went upstairs, I know it's kinda evil but considering he actually came into my space like that, I had a sit-down with my brother then and there and showed him the posts on this site. He was very quiet for awhile just reading everything. Then he left and I had no clue what side he was on or what the heck then five minutes later they were all in my room reading it while our dad was still upstairs with him. Talk about the most embarrassing scenario I can think of. My oldest brother was the first out my door and I just heard yelling,everyone else left and my dad came down to read what was going on. It was kind of a zoo, my dad was trying to read this serious stuff on this site while we could both hear yelling escalating upstairs. He didn't have time to read it really closely b/c of the commotion but he told the guy he was fired, get the f*** out of our house and he'd kill him if he saw him again. I have never seen my dad get angry before or condone violence it was crazy he has never allowed my brothers to act like that its never been allowed in our house. Fighting is really loud too its weird its what i remember most but they all went at him outside our door I was surprised to be honest, I mean it went from this was their best friend to just violence. Whoever said it would be like dropping an atomic bomb was right. My dad was level headed enough to ref the whole thing though and stop it before it got out of hand. I was worried my family could get in trouble for assaulting him but I think he never reported it b/c he knew damn well he had it coming. I definitely could have done without everyone in the world knowing about my sex life but I understand why I had to say something. Well, tthankyou again I cant say it enough. Please keep this site going its a great thing truly

[Petit Papillon]

Just this? I thought there would be some bone breaking, head shaking

Cool it all ended like that. You could kick him in the ballz from us

[nov13]

First off it wasn't proper for you to jump in bed with him.

Did he hurt you, just scare you, or both? Do his intentions matter to you? Meaning if he didn't mean to scare you or hurt you, would you still feel bad about it. Was he forcing you to have sex with him? Did he realize he was hurting you? It is possible he didn't realize he scared you like that? He was laughing and even told you he didn't think it was a big deal. It looks like you are about to accuse him of rape. If he meant to hurt and scare you, then definitely tell your father, but if he didn't mean it do that you should realize you can ruin his life if they misunderstand this as rape. I'm surprised vashty didn't already call him a rapist. She is ready to burn him at the stake without even wondering could he not have mean it. I do not agree with all the guilty before proven innocent mentality.

Why is everyone so quick to condemn the guy before even knowing his intentions. This was consensual sex. It's easy to throw stones at someone else, you don't feel any of the pain.