Im hurting so much and truly confused

[love82]

There's alot of offs and ons in this relationship. There could be a problem source which you might want to know more from her. I saw that you actually did a lot of things for her and I believe most girls would have reciprocated your love. Meeting up for the coffee will be lovely but what happens after that could be another vicious cycle of MIA and getting back etc. I don't quite understand why she is afraid you might change your feelings..maybe you need to put in even more effort to prove to her.

[banser123]

The thing that I dont understand is this. Why did she just cut me off like I was dead? We were really really close at work then she asked me to date and she kept telling me that she enjoyed my company and it seemed like she was really into me. I knew she was nervouse and scared but I thought she would get over it. And I always thought that if we broke up it would be difficult for both of us and we would at least try to remain friends. But she just forgot about me. I dont understand how she can call me every morning and night after seeing me during the day everyday for months then just like that never call. Something is not adding up. Maybe she is embarrased, I wish she would just sit with me and tell me the truth. Its like she is hiding something. This sucks

[Yggdrasil]

Because she's not living in the past. Now get on with your life.

[Lite]

And I always thought that if we broke up it would be difficult for both of us and we would at least try to remain friends. But she just forgot about me.

Just because she doesn't talk to you, and appears to be moving on with her life doesn't mean she isn't mourning the death of the relationship. And yes, she is trying to put you in her past, and resolve her feelings for you so that she can move one.

This is what people do when they break up. You should be doing the same too instead of worrying about why she isn't still your friend. You cannot be friends if you still have feelings for each other.

[banser123]

Yggdrasil. U speak as if its that simple. I know you may be trying to help but if it were that easy I wouldn't be on this forum looking to vent. Lite. The problem is I still don't know why she ended it. She doesn't explain she just runs. And keep in mind that we were close friends and coworkers. So that's why us not remaining friends hurts me. I'm sorry but I might be wrong but I think she runs cause she's scared cause she did it before for that reason the first time. That's why I am hurting

[Henry123]

It could be a whole bunch of things. Its hard to tell with the small amount of info given.

-It also be that she gave signals that she was unhappy on how the relationship was going and you didnt get them.

-It could be that you came off too needy.

- etc etc etc etc etc

[banser123]

thank you Henry for the reply. But I think I have given alot of info, maybe too much to bore you guys. lol
She says hello and goodbye at work and smiles when she sees me. She texted me yesterday about 30 minutes after she left work asking me if I had her daughter ds system. Her daughter left it in my car when we were still together. I said Im sure I do and will check. She asked me if I can bring it to work today and I said sure.
I was waiting for her to ask me for it today, either through text or in person but she didnt, then she texted me again 30 minutes after she left work again saying she forgot to ask me and checking to see if I found it. I told her I have it and she said thanks. That seemed kind of strange, I think she was waiting for me to bring it to her, but who knows.
Anyway, yes I hope I can get her to open up because I know she is hurting inside and she is pushing me away from trying to console her because I believe she is embarrased. I hope I can make a break through

[banser123]

Need advice:
She has been back to week for 2 weeks now. No real conversations just good mornings and good byes. She normally iniates these.
I have been civil and reached out to her before she came back and she thanked me for that. Last week I texted her and asked if she would want to get together for coffee or something and she responded "well lets see... Maybe next week sometime". She hasnt said anything about it since nor will I.
She called my boss today saying she cant make it to work today because her son was not feeling ok. As you may know he is disabled. She is already on thin ice at work and everyday she doesnt work she doesnt get paid, so I dont think she is lying, at least I hope she is not.
My question is: Should I text her and ask if her son is ok. I am concerned but I dont know if she will take it as a sign of weakness and not appreciate it or if she would appreciate me asking.

[banser123]

I need a ladies point of view
If she read this thread, please tell me:
Why is she being so distant with me. I told her I would like to be friends and I even reached out to her to show her I care and am concerned, but she still keeps distant and just says hi and bye at work. The few times I texted her to see if her son was ok and stuff like that she just thanked me but never really said much. I would think that she would think or care enought of me, after all I did for her and her kids, that she would at least show some concern and ask about me once in a while.
Do you think she has any reasons for being distant other than trying not to lead me on. Sending me a text asking how Im doing is not leading me on, at least I dont think. Please give me your thoughts.

[banser123]

Sorry, I made a typo, I meant to say if anyone, NOT she, read this thread

[banser123]

well, today is my birthday and I am sort of expecting a text from her saying happy birthday. I dont feel like this will be leading me on because its just a nice jesture saying happy birthday. A few other girls I work with already sent me texts saying happy birthday so I guess it would be nice to get one from my ex. I just wonder if she doesnt, why, whats her reason? She already told me she is not mad

[Molten Steel]

Our cases are not exactly the same, but I can relate myself to your story. Natural encounter, memorable beginning, wonderful confession, then a great period, until... you know... unpretty things happen, sort of like your case.

And if what you described is true then your partner does sound similar to my ex to some certain degree. They both seem good the way they are: educated, caring, polite and a little bit shy... and very strong, with an unfortunate past. And like you, I also thought she was crazy about me.

I assumed the same questions when she started distancing from me. I was so confused and wanted to console her, with what she has to deal with familial issues. Like you.


Then when I demanded everything straightforward, it was that she was into another guy and I was silently kicked out. Just that simple. Yeah, it's hard to picture such a nice woman doing that, but that happens.


So the moral of the brief summary is, assume nothing. Don't try to read and guess from her actions. You have to make sure you know and understand everything before you decide to deal with anything.


I hope I helped some. Also I hope it's not that bad for you. But you should be prepared, mentally and emotionally. If things turn ugly, they can be really ugly.

[ferdinand]

Hey man,

I read your story and I really feel for you. I'm in a similar situation.

Many months ago now, I was seduced, completely out of the blue, by a girl I work with. She's much younger than I, and extremely attractive. I've never felt so flattered. She was sweet and funny and exciting, and there followed a few very short months of the most intense and passionate affair I've been involved in for many years. Then, as suddenly and unexpectedly as she started it, she ended it. Unfortunately, just as she was dumping me, I was falling for her, hopelessly, head over heels. There were a few dead cat bounces, but it never got going again. I tried talking, persuading, hanging on. I couldn't believe, after all she risked in initiating it, that she could let something so special go so easily. And the fact that I have to see her nearly every day - and when I don't, she's in my head like a constant background noise - makes letting go a thousand times slower and harder.

I'm too old and too smart for this. I should have been done with it months ago. People tell me to let go, and they're absolutely right. But that's SO much easier said than done. My heart is a fool, man.

And now, we're not talking, except when politeness or praticality demands it. And you know what? It's absolutely breaking my heart. Every now and then, I'll try to build a little bridge, but it's never crossed with the enthusiasm I so insanely crave from her.

I'd just like to know it meant something to her. I'd give anything to know what she thinks, but that has its own risks. You might not like what you hear. Not one bit. But you still want to know. I know I do.

I wish I could give you some advice. But if I knew what to do, I'd be doing it myself.

But know this: she knows how you feel.

It's shut somewhere in a box in her mind. She might think about it a lot, tearing her up, or a little, idly wondering why you're so bothered. And she may change her mind and come round; but you must assume she won't.

But she knows how you feel. You've shown your hand. And there's not much more you can do.

She has all she needs to make a decision, however wrong or crazy or wasteful it seems to you.

Don't give her any more.

Peace, brother.

[banser123]

Thanks for your responses.
It does hurt a lot. Knowing that she initiated it and then she watched me fall in love. And what makes me confused is after she ended it the first time why did she call me back and agree that she wanted to eventually start dating again. She hurt me the first time by ending it and let 3 months go by without talking. Then she calls me and we talk. Why didnt she tell me then that she just wanted to be friends because we tried dating and it didnt work. Why did she give it another go? And during that second go she had her moments of confusion, so why did she let it go even longer. I mean she knows we work together. I can totally understand if you meet a stranger and you date and if it doesnt work out you end it and life goes on. But in my situation we work together and were really close in work, people used to call us husband and wife, it was so special. So why would you do this? And why doesnt she meet with me to at least see if I am ok and if I could be her friend. I have been nice to her since we broke up. I havent showed her I was upset. I know she knows that im hurt but I dont think she knows how badly im hurt, so why doesnt she reach out to me to see if its possible to be friends again.

[banser123]

Well today started out bad. I had food poisoning and my friend had to take me to the hospital. I called my job and spoke to one of the girls and told her to tell my boss I was in the hospital. Thank God I feel better now and I am home. Surprisingly I got a call from her today after she left work. This really surprised me because she loves to text instead of calling. I was sleeping and I didnt answer. She left a voice message saying she heard at work that I was in the hospital and she hoped I was ok. She told me to call her when I got the message then she repeated it. She sounded very nervous. She then left me a text asking if I was ok. She also asked the girls at work 3 times which hospital I was in, but they didnt know because I didnt tell them.
I responded to the text when I woke up and we had a brief conversation. She asked if I was home and she asked where I ate yesterday. I told her a friend took me out for my bday, which was sunday, and she responded, by the way,, happy birthday. I said thanks and she said I didnt have to thank her. I then told her I was tired and that I would call her tomorrow or see her in work on thursday. She said ok.
I wonder if she was waiting for me to bring something up.
What do you guys think of this?