Relationship Effort

[clynn]

Wow! This is soooooooo interesting.

Because, I tend to behave much the same way as your girlfriend. I just think that the guy will take the lead, and I'm pretty shy about that. Even after several months I feel this way.

And in response, .... he hasn't indicated that this bothers him....but I wonder if it does.

In fact, to her, if you were to just break up with her and go out with another girl, she would probably conclude that you didn't like her that much. When, it seems, that the reality is that she really does like you, but she has different ideas of how intense a relationship needs to be in the early stages - and she doesn't know how intense you want it to be either, from what it sounds like.

And how interesting that you would consider communicating this to her by breaking up with her!

Don't do that!

Nothing wrong with a slow moving relationship, nothing at all. Gives time to get to know each other honestly, to allow each other to have their own lives while incorporating this new person into it....

Nevermind, I hate to say it, as I don't really think that ALL the work should be on the guy. However, as girls, we do kind of like it for men to take the lead. It provides reassurance and makes us feel good.

Good luck! Keep us posted.

[StrictlyProf]

Thank you all again for your responses.

Clynn,

I agree she seems sort of like how you handle relationships. Perhaps she just feels that I should take the lead or doesn't want to show to much interest. I guess girls like that in the beggining to be courted slightly. Once I have her locked in (maybe not the right choice of words) but I am sure she will open up and make it mutual. Basically the situation is this girl isn't the most attractive I have been with (I think she is good looking my friends have different opinions) but its her personality. The big picture is she is focused on school / work / life and would be an awesome wife / mother. I guess I am at a stage in my life where I look for those qualities.

She is coming over tommorow to make dinner together drink some wine watch a movie. Basically I don't want to come accross as a prick but I need sex its been a while and I get aroused everytime I sit with her. I don't want to make her feel uncomfortable or rush it but how can I be discrete and fool around. Sex is important to me in establishing a relationship / future and I think physical chemistry is important.

Thanks again and I will certainley keep everyone posted. I don't want to mess this one up. :-)


Strictly!

[Junsui]

If you don't want to mess this one up, then don't rush sex.

[clynn]

Hey, though, its okay to put the moves on....I mean, one step at a time, right?

I agree....you want to find out if she is shy and slow moving, or if she just isn't attracted to (probably not the case). So, start with some slow moves, playing with her hair, holding her hand, rubbing her back........

have fun.

[StrictlyProf]

Clynn and All,

Yesterday she came over and we cooked dinner together and had a nice candlelight dinner. (I put alot of effort in the Decor, flowers) it was actually quite perfect. It was fun and we talked etc ... We then watched a movie together in which she layed on me , we made out as usual but I slowly tried to get my hands into her bra and I was just about their but she stopped me and said "No. Not right now". I kinda felt rejected and wierded out but smiled and went on with the night. I really just felt like droppin her home at that point cause I was embarassed slightly but I mean if physical attraction isn't their why make out with me n stuff.
She said "I have a really good time with you" ... she actually fell asleep on me, becuase she said I was "comfortable". Why is she takin it this slow this is our second month of going out and probably 10-12 dates. Today we were suppose to go skating as she was going to call in sick to work but she says she will call me back and 1 hour later tells me that she had to go in for a bit and we can go after 1pm.I can't sit here and waste my day based on her, I figure in the beggining if the chemistry is their you should be all enthused and really want to see the person excited almost blissful. I feel that way with her to a certain degree but she isn't showing any effort such as "I want to see you" or I am going to come see you.

Is she having more fun with me then really into me? ... Should I cancel on her now that I have to taylor my day around her? ... Time to move on? ... I like this girl but want to see her excited and enthused about seeing me. I think my effort shows I am into her, time to reciprocate. Somebody help!... thanks all

[Junsui]

Geez, relax about the sex thing. Maybe she likes to go slow with that. I'm sure she enjoys your company, she had to go into work, what was she suppose to do? Quit her job so y'all can go skating?

[clynn]

Yah, really, from my perspective, she definitely likes you a lot. But you can't feel bad just cuz someone has to go to work.

ALSO - I don't know, but personally I think there is nothing wrong with NOT seeing and spending all your time with the person you're dating. Take time to get to know one another and to keep your own independent lives. It is what makes and keeps things interesting.

[gHEXjt]

Relax dude. There's nothing wrong with taking things slow. She doesn't have to let you take off her bra to show that she's into you. If she felt no attraction to you like you are suggesting, than she wouldn't still date you and make out with you, I think. Just relax. People move at different rates in relationships. In 2 months you can't expect her to be dying to see you all the time and already want to have sex. If she does, cool, if she doesn't that's cool too. Now, if in another 2 months she still won't do anything sexual, I'd be concerned then. Just make yourself at home with Mary Palm for now until this girl comes around.

[StrictlyProf]

Hi all,

Thanks for the wonderful advice. So basically Sunday afternoon we went skating it was alot of fun. After skating we got some hot chocolate and just took a drive up north in the boonies which was nice. I dropped her to her car and usual kiss good-bye. She said "I'll see you later in the week" ... I said yea let me know when you got time as well we'll make plans. The thing is I have to get used to this girl, she keeps independant and is very focused on school. She is taken 2 days of work this week and wants to study and get her things done.

I figured (my analytical mind) that she should want to spend some of that time with me and take iniative and say "lets do something". With all due respect to her I am doing my Masters at University this girl is in a community college and needs to study that much? ...wierd ... I seem to have time or am I making time ...

Anyhow we can go the whole day without talking etc and then just talk briefly at night. I guess my perception is in order to get close to someone who have to incorporate them into your lives and call and say "Hows ur day" ... I am not being needy belive me I have 100 things to do in a day. But I want to know she is into me without wasting more time/ money / feelings etc ...

[shh!]

With all due respect to her I am doing my Masters at University this girl is in a community college and needs to study that much? ...wierd ... I seem to have time or am I making time ...

Wow, uh - I haven't kept up with your whole story, so this is what I am focused in on, and I have to say that if you were dating me and said or implied this, you'd be history. Maybe I am a little out of context, but if this is a new relationship, I'd say her priorities are straight.

[Junsui]

I agree shh!, I didn't even see that.

Not everyone can be as smart as you and that requires them to study more.

[shh!]

..or she is very smart and cares immensely about her grades...

[Junsui]

Yep!

You are worried about wasting money on her? How much do you spend on her?

[shh!]

They went skating and for hot chocolate...

[StrictlyProf]

Ok you all have to bare with me I didn't mean that comment in a bad way. I am not spending alot of money on her. She is focused no doubt and probably alot smarter than I am. The thing is I am just wondering whether I should be calling her more and go for it ... or be distant and not smother her.