how to lose my crush and stop stalking

[function]

how do you know? are you him in real life??

Read the OP. He didn't do that.

[SirWagginston]

I know exactly what you're going through (I've been there, although not to your extreme), and I can tell you that the first step to getting over it is to realize what it is. You are suffering from a condition called limerence. I strongly suggest you read the Wikipedia article. I would provide a link, except for some reason my posts don't upload on this forum when I use BBcode.

[vashti]

Is this the guy who is stalking the new poster "function"?

[function]

yes, he is stalking me in real life.
and he said in first post "he will try get me " next semester..
I was scared shitless after "accidentally bumping into him" on my way to class. he sent a letter afterwards saying "I just want to be your friend. dont worry, you still wont see me "
Next time before class starts, actually it was the day of my final, he said "you nend to be there tomorrow!".
I was scared shitless again. I tried to take another route.

Is this the guy who is stalking the new poster "function"?

[winter32842]

I hear you, OP. You're doing some things that are not in your best interest, and you know it. You want to know how to stop mentally torturing yourself over this girl.

I'm a behavior modification specialist.

Here's what you do...


Imagine the most disgusting, repulsive thing you can possibly conjure up. Maybe a big puddle of chunky green vomit, maybe maggots on a rotted animal carcass.

When you go to class, find somewhere to sit so that you can't see her, even if you try. If you can't do that and you have to see her, use the icky association trick above to make yourself sick or snap the rubber band (or whatever) every time you see her.

Get counseling. You need it, man. Poor self image is a killer and is what brought you to your present condition. Learn to love yourself. And learn to actually TALK to girls you're interested in instead of sending a cyber message. We think cyber messages from strangers are creepy.

thanks, nice advise. Well, I can not think gross things about her; I tried really hard. Well, I do not see her in class. Our class is 320 students and we all have the same classes in a big auditorium; I do not where she sits and I could care less. Sometime, I see her in the library, that is where lot of my feelings got started. By the way, I am PharmD student and she is also a PharmD student. The school materials are getting tougher and I need all my energy to be on school rather than a girl.

yes, he is stalking me in real life.
and he said in first post "he will try get me " next semester..
I was scared shitless after "accidentally bumping into him" on my way to class. he sent a letter afterwards saying "I just want to be your friend. dont worry, you still wont see me "
Next time before class starts, actually it was the day of my final, he said "you nend to be there tomorrow!".
I was scared shitless again. I tried to take another route.

Who the f*&k are you?
dude, you are funny. I think, you are getting confused with another person. I fu*&^ing don't stalk gay guys like you. I am straight and always will be. Dude, anyway, I think you are the one who is paranoid and you think everyone is your potential "stalker". I think, you need help. I highly doubt that my story matched with yours and you think I am your stalker (lol at you). You are a funny kid.



Anyway, I never stalk her in real life. In truth, I am a crowd to stalk people. I just used the word stalk, so people will help me reduce my crush. lol, I do not download her pictures on my computer, I was given permission by her to see her facebook profile, so I just look at it (that is legal). That is all it is.

[Spilly]

I was in a similar, well sorta similar situation once before. I like this girl from afar and told all my friends to put in good words for me. I really liked her and couldn't wait to see if she would go out with me. So one night we were drinking around a campfire, she came and sat beside me and asked me if I liked her, I causally said yes. She told me that she wasn't interested and it saddened me to know that I was never going to get her, after that though we became friends and hung out a lot.

I start seeing what she was really like and started to not like her in that way anymore, she noticed I was become less attracted to her in that way and for some reason wanted me to like her again, after a while she started liking me and wanted to get together.

I guess what I'm saying is that after we got to know each other, I stopped wanting her and she started wanting me. So don't jump the gun, just become friends cause she might be beautiful now but when you get to know her, she might be someone you want nothing to do with.

I don't encourage you to stop wanting/ liking her, just mellow out and learn more about her. You might be surprised how far it might take you.

But if you really don't want feelings for her, I tried thinking of scenarios in my head that made her a bad person, I even wrote a story for school and made her (with a different name of course) the antagonist. It did help me not like her as much, hope this helps.

[winter32842]

I was in a similar, well sorta similar situation once before. I like this girl from afar and told all my friends to put in good words for me. I really liked her and couldn't wait to see if she would go out with me. So one night we were drinking around a campfire, she came and sat beside me and asked me if I liked her, I causally said yes. She told me that she wasn't interested and it saddened me to know that I was never going to get her, after that though we became friends and hung out a lot.

I start seeing what she was really like and started to not like her in that way anymore, she noticed I was become less attracted to her in that way and for some reason wanted me to like her again, after a while she started liking me and wanted to get together.

I guess what I'm saying is that after we got to know each other, I stopped wanting her and she started wanting me. So don't jump the gun, just become friends cause she might be beautiful now but when you get to know her, she might be someone you want nothing to do with.

I don't encourage you to stop wanting/ liking her, just mellow out and learn more about her. You might be surprised how far it might take you.

But if you really don't want feelings for her, I tried thinking of scenarios in my head that made her a bad person, I even wrote a story for school and made her (with a different name of course) the antagonist. It did help me not like her as much, hope this helps.

Wow, you are like me. All my other crushes (even though there were mild compared with this one) went away after I got to know the person. Now, I am really good friends with lot of my previous crushes and some of them like me, now but I do not like them.



I hate revealing personal information about her and me but I reveal little bit of it. This is the thing. She is a Muslim and I am also a Muslim but her family is from a different country than mines. She is most likely to get arranged marriage to one of her country-man. She is very conservative. I do not think, she ever went out with any guys. My mom doesn't speak English and thus I have to marry someone from my country who speak my language. My family is very strict, they do not want me to date girls, they want me to get arranged marriage picked by them. I do not worry being lonely or single because I always can marry someone from my country either in the USA or going back to my country in a arrange marriage. The best option is to forget about her and focus my energy on education, family and other things that actually matters.

[SirWagginston]

I was in a similar, well sorta similar situation once before. I like this girl from afar and told all my friends to put in good words for me. I really liked her and couldn't wait to see if she would go out with me. So one night we were drinking around a campfire, she came and sat beside me and asked me if I liked her, I causally said yes. She told me that she wasn't interested and it saddened me to know that I was never going to get her, after that though we became friends and hung out a lot.

I start seeing what she was really like and started to not like her in that way anymore, she noticed I was become less attracted to her in that way and for some reason wanted me to like her again, after a while she started liking me and wanted to get together.

I guess what I'm saying is that after we got to know each other, I stopped wanting her and she started wanting me. So don't jump the gun, just become friends cause she might be beautiful now but when you get to know her, she might be someone you want nothing to do with.

I don't encourage you to stop wanting/ liking her, just mellow out and learn more about her. You might be surprised how far it might take you.

But if you really don't want feelings for her, I tried thinking of scenarios in my head that made her a bad person, I even wrote a story for school and made her (with a different name of course) the antagonist. It did help me not like her as much, hope this helps.

This is one thing that bothers me very much about women (or maybe just people): if you like them too much, they will be unattracted to you automatically. Conversely, not caring so much about them can turn them on. It's counter-intuitive to me and highly unproductive. If I became aware of an attractive girl who really liked me, my response would be "Sweet! Meet you at my place!"

[uri]

Imagine the most disgusting, repulsive thing you can possibly conjure up. Maybe a big puddle of chunky green vomit, maybe maggots on a rotted animal carcass. Whatever. Then, think of her. In your mind, associate the disgusting image with the girl you're trying to stop stalking. Imagine her rolling around in the grossness and enjoying it. Not so appealing after all, is she? The purpose of this is NOT to demean her mentally, it's merely to make the thought of her unattractive in your mind. It's not personal and it's not disrespectful to her as a person. It's a mental exercise, only. Every single time she pops into your head, immediately think of the grossness along with her.

That sounds a little bit scary.

I think the best ways to forget someone who doesn't want you or is not attracted to you is not to take it personal or not to think of it as something that has to do with you. Think of her as something mechanical, automatic and lifeless like a force of nature. Instead of thinking that it's her that rejected you, think of her as an zombie or a robot with no free will. Think that it's the electric currents in her brain that made her reject you and not someone with life and conscious, feeling behavior.

That's not intended to demean her but if you think of her as a being with no life or personality, she will quickly appear as much less attractive to you.

[TheWizard]

I think INTJewel made an interesting post. From a logical standpoint it's pretty easy to see the idea behind the method is to make you stop thinking about whatever it is you can't stop thinking about. In this context it's some girl.

The important part of Jewel's post is the end... where they mention getting some real help. I'm not the girl and if I was in her shoes I'd be a little bit freaked myself.

Next time you want to get to know a women, talk to them. Women like to talk, and it will help build your confidence with them. Doesn't have to be a "hottie" just talk to any women when you go out and over time you'll realize they don't actually exist just to judge and blow off every guy that comes up to say hi. Quite the contrary.

[sookie6]

Facebook these days makes it very easy for people to stalk.
On the other hand, there are many girls and boys out there who do not restrict access to their pictures and their life in general...because they don't think that someone could be spying or sometimes because they want the attention.

I think this particular girl is not aware that you are 'spying' on her. You could close your account altogether pretending you had some technical issues. That would defriend her. And then you would not have the temptation to snoop.

Now, you have serious self esteem issues. You think that you are below her and that she is on a pedestal...WTF?
There are plenty of people who are not especially good looking but still are going out with someone attractive. But confidence is key.

I suspect you are taking this matter to heart because she is your very first crush and you don't know how to react to it. The fact you are posting here is proof that you know that your behaviour is not right.

Listen to everyone's advice and find new friends, new activities away from the source of your worries!

Take care