Awful Misunderstanding

[Linli]

I completely agree with girl68, here! The touch barrier is a HUGE deal.
I think guys need to start taking into account that girls tend to be more naturally considerate than guys. I say this because many female friends of mine are thoughtful enough to bring tea (from Tim Horton's of course ) to a study date, to pay for lunch when we go out sometimes, to buy the popcorn at the theatre... these things DO happen with girls, much more regularly than they do among guys. The importance being most girls are not naturally inclined to think of nice gestures as immediately romantic. It would be as strange to me as assuming that my best friend has a crush on me because she grabbed our tab at the pub one night!
Guys are ALWAYS bitching about not being "mind-readers", so, in this case, don't expect us to be, either.

[NBT]

Unfortunately, as much as women SHOULD like those nice, sweet, romantic guys, most of them DON'T.

Sure, they might think you're sweet. Sure, they might mention ALL OF YOUR QUALITIES on their "dream guy list".

But when it REALLY comes DOWN to it, that type of guy rarely gives a woman that SPARK. Other guys do.

Now, does it SUCK? Yes. Is it CRAZY? Absolutely. But that's the truth.

You've gotta be a little more aggressive (notice, I said a LITTLE) and you must be MORE than just the "shy sweet guy." Let her see some PERSONALITY! Generate some INTEREST!

Need help? Just ask.

[Sanctuary]

Me too. Also, I love it when guys I haven't even kissed buy me new boots.

That's right. You heard it first from Giga.

Girls, when a guy buys you free stuff cuz he's clueless on how to attract you, take that shit!!!!

[Sanctuary]

Now, does it SUCK? Yes. Is it CRAZY? Absolutely.

There's nothing 'CRAZY' about that at all. Girls want a guy who's in control and can take care of them. They want a guy they can feel safe around, not some pussy ass bitch man. It makes perfect sense to me.

[Primo]

punishment for being a pussy

Also, I love it when guys I haven't even kissed buy me new boots.

Were they the right size? :-D

[NBT]

There's nothing 'CRAZY' about that at all. Girls want a guy who's in control and can take care of them. They want a guy they can feel safe around, not some pussy ass bitch man. It makes perfect sense to me.

There is a LINE, though.

Of COURSE don't be a BITCHMADE man. But you don't have to be an ASSHOLE, EITHER.

Who's to say you can't be nice to a girl, while still being STRONG and not taking any of her SHIT?

You can do both.

Most guys just aren't ABLE to do both.

They're either total dicks, all the way around, and treat her like shit, OR, they're sickeningly sweet, ANNOYING a woman to the point that she wants to HURL.

These guys need to find a BALANCE. Have enough control to keep her in line, and be enough of a MAN to keep her on her toes, yet still be nice enough to make her wanna STAY. Cuz if a dude is ALWAYS a dick, she WILL LEAVE him EVENTUALLY. It'll TAKE a long ass time, but she'll eventually leave, because the guy has no balance. Total douche won't work.

[d_j]

So you never kissed her, hugged or held hands? How many "outings" did you have together before she told you about her guy?

By second date you should at least try throw a kiss on the cheek in or something.

Anyhow, that must suck for you. I wouldn't want to be her friend either.

[NBT]

He should have taken a hint.

If you're not getting AT ALL physical, and it's been WEEKS, uhh, dude, you're in the friend category, and HAVE been for a while. lol

[shyromantic]

So you never kissed her, hugged or held hands? How many "outings" did you have together before she told you about her guy?

By second date you should at least try throw a kiss on the cheek in or something.

Anyhow, that must suck for you. I wouldn't want to be her friend either.

I've been out twice with her, we used to work together and I managed to pluck up the courage to ask her if she wanted to go to the cinema with me on her last day of work. I kinda paid for her ticket at the cinema, she had a buy 1 get 1 free ticket voucher that had almost expired and used her student discount too, though I gave her the money for the tickets, the film was rubbish and she fell asleep half way through, (I let her chose the film).

Second date we went for a walk in a local park to pick blackberries, though they'd all shriveled up she seemed to enjoy the walk, then we sat in a nice spot and had the tea and cakes I made for her, she seemed quite impressed.

she then asked me if there was any films i wanted to go see, and I said yes, there was 1 and when we were arranging the "date" she told me about the guy she'd met and I was devastated because I thought I was getting somewhere with her. that was last week.

[Sanctuary]

we used to work together and I managed to pluck up the courage to ask her if she wanted to go to the cinema with me on her last day of work.

That's part of your problem right there. Don't wait so long, just do it.

Also, if you make no indications that you like her and act just like a friend, then yea she's gonna see you as a friend. On the other hand, unless she's daft, she probably has some idea that you like her but she probably doesn't care for it cuz she doesn't like you back or she's too shy to make a move.

Wait, how old are you guys? If she's young and the naive type, it's possible she really has no idea and if you told her she might be shocked lol.

[girl68]

Second date we went for a walk in a local park to pick blackberries, though they'd all shriveled up she seemed to enjoy the walk, then we sat in a nice spot and had the tea and cakes I made for her, she seemed quite impressed.

Dude, I can see from a mile and a half a way you should have made your move here. You were sitting, and talking alone- in a nice romantic place and you didn't even attempt a hand hold. FAIL.

[shyromantic]

ok, so a quick update.

I'm totally over her, I'm surprised it took me hardly any time but I just don't feel anything for her. could this be because recently she's had a bit of a cancer scare and is waiting for the results of her biopsy? she's been ever so quiet on facebook recently it makes me think that she didn't get the all clear which makes me feel worse because she didn't say for certain that she wasn't into me.

I suppose I should just support her as a friend should.

[girl68]

yesterday you liked her today you don't

man, I find that really hard to believe.

[shyromantic]

I think because today something just clicked, and I accepted that we'd never be more than friends. also because she's been unusually quiet on facebook which makes me think that she didn't get the all clear. I've already had to go through my mum having cancer, maybe I'm subconsciously protecting myself.

I bet if she says she's got the all clear or it's not that serious I'll have a sudden relapse.

[Primo]

I'm sitting here hungry shyromantic, what kind of cakes were these again? :-P :-D