Be careful here. In all my experience with relationships, I have found that the absolute worst place a man can find himself is in love with a woman that he has elevated to a pedestal. It is so easy to do. You are a very well spoken and obviously intelligent man with a logical and self-aware outlook. Unfortunately guys like you are the first to romanticize someone, cut them slack for things they don't deserve, and in general elevate them to super-human levels of respect. I am sure her life before you was a struggle, and she deserves all the respect that comes with that. But her past is just that. HER PAST. And you weren't there for it, so I find it to be a good policy to take a woman's sob story with a grain of salt. I don't mean disregard it as if she's just a drama queen, but you sound pretty impressed with her story, and I say, who cares? It's December 2009 today!
Sounds like you are coming on strong. Don't get me wrong, I LOVE a man of action that sees what he wants and goes for it. But her husband died 3 months before you guys met??? That's some serious shit if you ask me. I just got a divorce from my wife and it took me over a year to get to where I wasn't thinking about her everyday. If she had died, I'd probably still be sucking my thumb in the fetal position in the shower.
So even if it sounded like a good idea when you moved near her... I think you might need to move back home IMMEDIATELY. I wouldn't even wait for Christmas. It sounds to me like you are a very thoughtful and caring man... but you might just be a little TOO thoughtful and caring. If you come on too strong, a woman will run from you like the needy pussy she'll get the feeling you are.
See man... this is some pretty heavy duty stuff. It sounds to me like you have sunken your tentacles of attachment into her whole life. There is nothing casual about your relationship. Think of it from her side... her husband dies, she discovers a mountain of debt and financial stuff, her kids miss their father, she meets this guy, and just like that he moves 1,700 miles to be right there, and is now moving in on the family where the husband was less than a year ago.
It's a bit much my man. Women need space more than you will ever know. It is absolutely IMPERATIVE that you dig deep inside yourself and locate some serious patience. I think she likes you. I think she may even love you. But I KNOW that if you don't back off in a very serious way, and SOOOON, she will get a bad feeling, and she will literally just stop answering the phone. Gone!
It sounds terribly cheesy, but...
If you love something, let it go. If it comes back to you, its yours forever. If it dosent, then it was never meant to be.
Believe this my friend. It is the hardest thing to do, but I guarantee, if you stopped calling her, and just backed off... she will come around and want to be with you. Just don't over explain yourself to her. You seem kind of verbose... i.e. You talk to ****ing much!
If you explain to her in great detail that you have decided to pull back and give her space that she might have time to make sense of this and that, and that you are giving her time to blah blah blah... it kind of ruins the effect.
Just let her know that you care, and that she knows where/how to reach you. And then just politely stand aside. No texts, phone calls, emails... just wait. I PROMISE you it will work.