He seems indifferent... advice please?

[sharpey269]

First of all, you're both in grad school, so if you did have a lot of free time to spend together, I'd say you aren't working hard enough.

Second, yes, I would talk to him about your feelings. And I would also be prepared for him not to take it well and possibly break up with you. As a man, it gets old really fast dealing with a woman who is difficult to satisfy and needs a lot of attention.

Should you try to get everything you want in a relationship? Yes. But no relationship is perfect, and you may risk this one (which otherwise sounds healthy) by criticizing the guy for something he doesn't even know he's doing (or not doing).

You just sound like the type of person who can't go very long without affection and needs constant affirmation. He sounds nothing like that. That's where the problem is.

I agree with the school comment ... we don't have a lot of time together which is why I think we need to go out of our way to make it happen.

As far as breaking up goes, we are engaged and planning a life together so I am definitely not worried about that. We have both established that something pretty major (for example cheating) would have to happen for a breakup. I understand your point though that he wouldnt want to be constantly criticized. I dont want to be constantly criticized either. I dont think I rag on him regularly about little things.

As for the constant affirmation part, maybe thats true. In previous relationships, we have said nice things to each other regularly and done nice things for each other regularly to remind each other that we care. I personally don't see that as a bad thing. I think that is the expected way to treat someone that you care about. Without his affection, I don't feel insecure or bad about myself as a person, but I also dont feel like I am in a loving relationship.

[sharpey269]

There you go then :-). He expresses his love with acts of service, rather than with quality time. Every time he does something for you, to help you, he is communicating his love for you. With time you will learn to interpret and speak each other's language :-).

Thanks... Youre right that I should take more notice of those things. I'm sure over time we will get to know each better in that way.