I really like someone but he's engaged :(.

[Maple1714]

Sheesh everyone is getting pretty worked up....

OP - We meet people throughout our life, and we never know at what stage in a relationship these people are in when we meet them. This guy happened to be in a relationship when you met. Chances are he doesn't feel the same attraction/spark as you feel. If he did he probably wouldn't have gotten engaged to this other woman. He may also be a coward and is going along with the motions of his relationship. Either way, he seems like a douche for continuing to hang out with you. He is using you. You need to tell him ASAP that you have romantic feelings for him, that it bothers you he is letting things progress sin his relationship with his finance and still wants to hang out with you. Tell him straight up. Don't be afraid of what he will think or your friends for that matter. Be honest with him and don't be scared. Then, don't talk to him anymore. Do not contact him every again. If he breaks up with his GF and wants to date you for real then that;s would be ok, but otherwise you are wasting your time.

[Wakeup]

Sorry.. it just bugs may ass when a known cheater who thought nothing of horning in on other peoplse relationships or allowing others to horn in on hers thinks what I was pointing out (truth) to the op as attacking and that it was uncalled for. pffft. Birds of feather stick together I suppose.

[Maple1714]

Sorry.. it just bugs may ass when a known cheater who thought nothing of horning in on other peoplse relationships or allowing others to horn in on hers thinks what I was pointing out (truth) to the op as attacking and that it was uncalled for. pffft. Birds of feather stick together I suppose.

I know, I get it. The OP still has a chance to make the right decision and come out on top of all of this. I think she has just been too scared to speak her mind and stand up to this guy. Maybe she did need to read your aggressive response to knock some sense into her. I hope she does the right thing here...

[Rowen]

I think wake-ups attack on the op is uncalled for. Why such hostility? Makes me think that perhaps u dealt with a past girl that tried to come between u and your hubby?

I say it is called for, actually. The OP has clearly expressed accountability for all of this, and sometimes, people just need them to tell it like it is. That's what she did, end of story.
At the same time, you have no right to assume anything about Wakeup. If you want the truth, YOUR attack was uncalled for.

Single ppl are just horny and are unconsciously drawn to married ppl and wanting that stability and security. Ever see a good lookin guy with a baby (without a girl), all the single (and married) women are instantly drawn.

Excuse me? As someone who has been single for three years now, I resent the implication that all single people are just horndogs looking to pounce on the nearest married person. Maybe you're like that when you're single, but some of us have this brilliant thing called MORAL FIBER. Like it or not, there are people out there like me who do not mess with married people or people in relationships. Even if I'm in a relationship, I'm not suddenly drawn to someone who is good looking.

But according to what you posted, I guess I'm just lusting after all the married guys on this site to lead them into the darkness that is adultery. Oh, no! You learned my evil plan! *heavy sarcasm*

Not everyone thinks that marriage and relationships are meaningless. If we all did, every single marriage and relationship would fall apart everywhere in the world.

[bcgirl]

Ok so I'm the bad guy in all this?
I'm not sayin all single ppl are horn dogs. I'm a good looking individual and am married and get hit on all the time by men who know I'm married. It's life, these things happen. It's my job to tell the guys hitting on me that they should stop. It would be wrong of me if I allowed things to progress. It's also wrong for a single individual to hit on a non-single knowing the fact. As u can see in all my previous posts, I do not agree with ppl who try to wreck relationships but I think it's more the duty of the married one or the one in the relationship to stop all the flirting that can result in cheating. This coming from someone who has cheated. The single person hasn't as much to lose than the married one. They lose their integrity but the cheater has more to lose.

[Rowen]

I'm not sayin all single ppl are horn dogs.

Funny, I could have sworn I quoted it...oh, yes, that's right, I did. You said it yourself. Look at my last post to you if you don't believe me.

They lose their integrity but the cheater has more to lose.

I will admit that they have more to lose, BUT the fact of the matter is that it takes a certain lack of character to give in and cheat. Thus, they're just as equally guilty to me. Paint it any color you want to.

[bcgirl]

I will admit that they have more to lose, BUT the fact of the matter is that it takes a certain lack of character to give in and cheat. Thus, they're just as equally guilty to me. Paint it any color you want to.

Yes, it does take a certain lack of character to want to be in a relationship with a cheater but only an idiot would think that both parties are equally guilty! C'mon, a married person with children is not as equally guilty as a single person.

[VincenzoG91]

Yes, it does take a certain lack of character to want to be in a relationship with a cheater but only an idiot would think that both parties are equally guilty! C'mon, a married person with children is not as equally guilty as a single person.

Yeah, those single people probably get sent to a nicer level of Hell.

[Wakeup]

^^^ lol.

BC: What does what you're saying even matter? She is cheating herself by getting with a guy that would more likely then not, screw her and never actually leave his girlfriend. Therefore she cheats herself by trying to get with a guy that is already taken. You're the idiot if you think anything less. She has just as much to lose as him as she falls in love while he just takes. You're the idiot if you can't understand that. Your justification is eye-roll worthy.

[Rowen]

Yes, it does take a certain lack of character to want to be in a relationship with a cheater but only an idiot would think that both parties are equally guilty! C'mon, a married person with children is not as equally guilty as a single person.

The single person allows it to happen. They have a vertebrate, do they not? They have a brain, do they not? Point blank; they are equally guilty. The person who is single is equally guilty because they're not taking into account how it'd feel if someone cheated on them. They're not considering how absolutely undeniably vile and disrespectful it is to someone they may not even know! Call me an idiot if you will; frankly, I don't give a shit. But the fact is that they have the power within themselves to stop it all and walk away. THEY HAVE THE POWER to say NO and refuse to fight over someone. Furthermore, let's talk for a minute about those who do fight over a guy who is in a relationship, shall we? Do you even realize how absolutely childish that is to fight over someone? If your feelings are true, you'll let the person go. Simple as that. You know why? It means you want what's best for them- to be happy even if that picture of happiness doesn't have you standing in it.

Both parties are equally guilty because they both have flawed character if they feel this is okay. Like it or not, it takes two to make a wrong. And in a case of cheating, both are equally guilty.

[IndiReloaded]

Another OP scared off by the judgemental masses. Oh well.

www.onlywhatIwanttohear.com

[michelle23]

There are certain people (normally narcissists) who always want what they cant have and go after taken people on purpose because it gives them a massive ego boost if the target is difficult to achieve and they succeed.

Theres also certain people who have insecurity issues and if someone is a little friendly towards them they jump on it and hope that they can sail off into the sunset together and live happily ever after.

Theres other types two but I couldnt be arsed listing them all now.

My whole point is anyone who goes after a taken person has issues and anyone who cheats or leaves a relationship for someone else (hops from one thing to the next) also has issues.

OP even if he does cave in-you will just be a rebound and you and his fiance will get hurt and hell probably regret ever meeting you. You are stupid if you think that there is a future for you and this man. Its never going to happen-not long term anyway.

And I think in these situations the OP needs a serious reality check and if it wasnt wakeup giving her the lecture it would have been me. If you come on this site for honest advice-thats what your gonna get and if you dont like it, tough. What your doing is wrong and somebody has to point it out. Were not gonna sugarcoat it for you. We obviously have a hell of a lot more integrity than you do if your that selfish that you cannot see what your doing is bang out of order and crossing a line.

[bcgirl]

I think the op is long gone due to the remarks given to her on this forum. She will most likely go and hang out with the guy who is about to get married, have a few glasses of red wine and end up having condomless sex.

As for the topic of discussion as to single vs married cheaters, I'm assuming most ppl on this board have never been the one who has cheated. I take it that many come from a background of being cheated on. Holding the same anger towards the single blonde, big breasted skanky woman who flirts with your hubby ain't the same as your husband (someone you gave your vows to), who you may have children with, who is supposed to be in love with you and loyal to by the bond of a sacred thing called marriage decides take the flirt escalating it into an affair. Sure, most singles who go for a married is either insecure or whatever it may be. But they aren't cheating (only to themselves). Who would you be more pissed with... A stranger who steals your purse on the street or your best friend who stole $50 from you at your own home while you invite her over for dinner? Then when you confront her, she has the nerve to lie about it?
So yeah, the single who wants to f#ck a married must be some sorta twisted in the head. But for a married to risk giving up a marriage, children, home etc. etc. etc. plus betray the one they supposedly love to the highest extent is just plain evil.
I've been on the other side of things. My ex cussing out my affair when he found out about it. Poor ex, he only knew the stories that I fed him. Poor affair, he only knew the stories I fed him. Both guys fought for me. I watched from a distance with my popcorn. Ex took me back, gave the affair a couple black eyes and till this day I couldn't even tell you that poor affairs full name. Just because I couldn't give 2 sh!ts what it was.

Stories to my poor ex: "I told him a million times that I had a bf! He wouldnt listen. He still tried to get with me."
Stories to the poor other guy: "I know sweetie that you are falling in love with me, but we gotta keep it a secret till we can run off together. I hate my ex and gotta find the right time to tell him. I'm scared of him. Please understand. *bats eyelashes*".

I think most singles who fall for a person in a relationship tend to be dumb and naive. The cheater on the other hand tends to be manipulative and always 2 steps ahead of the dumb naive.

[michelle23]

Well at least you can admit you were completely in the wrong. Many cheaters just blame everyone else. I hope you have grown up since then.

As for the debate who is worse-the cheat or the single going after that cheat? Obviously the cheat is worse but the single also has a lot to answer for. That shows they have no empathy for other peoples feelings (both of them) they are just as bad as each other.

[Wakeup]

I think the op is long gone due to the remarks given to her on this forum.

I agree she left because she wasn't geting the advice she wanted which was how to spend more time with him so that he'd leave his gf for her.

She will most likely go and hang out with the guy who is about to get married, have a few glasses of red wine and end up having condomless sex.

or she will realize what was said to her and she will think twice about cheating herself or enabling a committed person to cheat on their partner.

As for the rest of your sanctimonious bullshit. You assume that just because someone is indignant towards people who have no personal boundaries or moral compass that surely we must have been cheated on or our spouses have shagged his secretary. You fail to see that we are just trying to save this young women from a life just like you had in your youth where you got your self esteem from pulling other womens men. Take it elsewhere because The enabler and the cheater are equally as lacking in self-esteem as the other. Both cause grief to innocent people, both are lacking in self-respect so take your assumptions and stop trying to push your past on everyone else who didn't have to do what you did to feel whole.