Don't be under any illusion girls and boys

[starbuck]

btw starbuck sorry, i just re-read and i realised i sounded quite condescending, i didnt mean to, sorry

No worries, eco. I didn't take it that way. I think we're basically saying the same thing.

[shh!]

Many people who develop huge amounts of charisma and charm do so to cover up serious personality flaws. You should always tread carefully when in the presence of people with excessive amounts of either, or you are just asking for trouble. Haven't you seen Thelma and Louise? Check out the Brad Pitt character.

[ecojeanne]

ye i agree, i've gone thru so many emotions since the break up i have to say...anger, sorrow, embarrassment, elation and back to anger....i just cant seem to understand what could have i known??? how vulnerable was i, how was i vulnerable? i'm so heartbroken to realise what a terrible person he was to me. before i met him i was the unnofficial social gatherer of people, i went out all the time, my new venture in my career was an amazing opportunity, i drove an amazing car and thats how we met was because i parked too close to his car and he contacted me to move it....i feel he knew from my social circles and my car that i was a successful happy person...everything was perfect in my life and i wasnt interested in ruining it by going out with anyone.....having to call someone???having to care about someone other than me??? that was alien to me...i still feel he targeted me because he made friends with mine and has none of his own....weird but i didnt think anything...as far as i was concerned the more the merrier out with all my friends in work and otherwise (he worked in the same company) am i supposed to examine myself? what is it that was weak about my personality....i just dont really kno......

p.s. just to let u kno...i broke up with him after realising what was going on...incase u were thinking i was angry at that...no its the whole relationship

[starbuck]

It could be that you were just a random "victim" of his. You certainly don't have to examine yourself if you don't want. It's your life. But somehow you fell for him. Don't you want to make sure this doesn't happen again?

There's no fail-safe way of getting duped, but there are definitely things you can do, like keeping a healthy dose of skepticism around when something seems to be "too good to be true," and keeping eyes peeled for the warning signs.

You said he used you financially? Did he steal money from you, or did you give it to him freely?

[ecojeanne]

'There's no fail-safe way of getting duped, but there are definitely things you can do, like keeping a healthy dose of skepticism around when something seems to be "too good to be true," and keeping eyes peeled for the warning signs.'

for sure! he always said at the beginning that i didnt trust him....i had thought to myself maybe i am too suspicious...he guilted me about it. when it comes to financially he always conveniently had no cash when it came to paying for anything..food....drinks out...drinks in...he did it so cleverly until i actually reached a point that i cldnt afford it and had to ask him to pitch in....he was absurdly offended...and accused me of making him feel ashamed and i have to say i was mortified by his reaction that maybe i was unfair...but the problem then became that i cldnt afford to buy anything for myself....looking back i kno i wldnt have done that even for my best friend....but the thing is she wldnt have reacted the way he did...she would have been mortified and gone over the top trying to make it right....needless to say having peace overruled my instinct to discuss it further. and of course he then guilted me by mentioning how terrible his life was growing up and that i wldnt understand....so i i thought... 'ok maybe he's right...i dont understand...maybe i'm selfish?' he made me think crazy things about myself when infact the issue was something he was the cause of.

[ecojeanne]

he did many things to me but the thing that stands out to me the most was during our relationship i got extremely ill and had to be rushed to ER...now i have never got sick...infact im all organic when it comes to health....the doctors didnt know what was wrong but stopped me getting uncontrollably sick...they didnt kno what happened and so that prompted me to get an allergy test....i found out i was allergic to cherries, luckily i have never eaten or wanted to eat cherries. weirdly the very next week he was sitting in my lounge eating cherries and joking about kissing me....i joked with my best friend about how weird but not suspicious because that would be ridiculous, it was. anyway he then asked me to go to his old landlords place for a meal...this woman aparently brought him up and i asked him to tell her about about my allergy. of course he said 'dont worry' she came out with a cherry cake at the end of the meal weirdly...of all things?....now maybe i'm crazy for thinking this but the night i got sick was the dissagreement we had about him paying for stuff...it scares me a little to think maybe there was something more sinister going on.....i will never kno....infact i really dont want to kno.

[Asparagoose]

Charisma and charm are the tools of businessmen, diplomats and politicians. Any way you see it, it's some form of dishonesty or insincerity. Any way you see it, they all want something out of you. Any way you see it, you have to either be a fool or naive to fall for it.

But just because there are some people out there who are that way, doesn't mean I'm going to give up on everyone out there. Not everyone is this way, and I feel most people are not. They are just told to be polite and have good manners. Compliments and flattery somehow find their way in there when you want to be nice to someone. But you shouldn't do those few bad ones the favor of giving up on the many good ones out there. Keep your eyes open. Sooner or later, you'll find him.

[Tedel]

I don't remember who said it, but it was something like this:

"Who respects doesn't flatter and who flatters doesn't respect"

Aesop? The fox and the crow? Damn, I don't remember it.

[1averagejoe]

Sounds a bit like my ex...she's done the exact same thing to every guy she's been with from what I've been told. She makes them feel bad for her, then brings them in.

People that make others feel bad for them are either depressed, have baggage, or got some other self esteem issues...I'm never going to put up with that crap again. I have no problem being single instead of having to be miserable with some drama queen again.

[Joker]

Eek the first bit sounds like me....i'm with someone telling her constantly how amazing she is and apparently she wants to fix my life and things (though i didn't intend to come off like that)

However, I'd never do what he did

Sorry for what happened