Thanks everyone for the advice I'm not incredibly sure about his finances, but I know that he has a full-ride to college and he also has an apprenticeship. I think he is in a pretty good financial situation, but I can't see that justifying spending that much money on me so soon.
I was thinking about giving some of the gifts back, but I don't know how to do that without hurting his feelings. Also, I don't know how to make it less of a hassle for him, because if I returned them, he would have to take them back to the stores he got them from. I would do it myself but I don't know where he got everything or if is refundable.
I told him that the next time we went out, I was paying because I wanted to treat him I've been trying to be firmer about me paying. I've already told him that I feel bad for him paying for everything, but he's told me not to worry about it and that he would feel bad if he didn't pay. I think he was just trying to be a "gentleman".
Anyway, I wouldn't know how to return the gifts without hurting his feelings. I think he put a lot of thought into them and I don't want him to think that I don't like them or think that I'm rejecting him. I appreciate his generosity but I also appreciate small things; I think they mean more than the big ones I've never been materialistic and I've always felt guilty about people spending money on me when I feel like I don't give back in return.
Sounds like you found yourself a sweet heart.
If he wants to be a gentleman, please don't try to break him of that. There are so few gentlemen left in the world and we need every single one of them.
Also if he is a gentleman, he is probably looking for a lady. If you are that type of female, do the lady like things for him. Surprise him with lunch if you can. Cook for him. Next time you are at his place, run the vaccuum cleaner over the floor for him or dust a shelf or 2.
Now before anyone jumps on me about this being the 21st century, I would just like to state there is nothing wrong with sticking to the traditional roles in a relationship if that is what is going to work for you and your partner.
'People are never perfect but love can be. People waste time looking for the perfect lover rather than creating the perfect love' - Princess Leigh-Cheri from Still Life With Woodpecker.
What you think is right may be entirely different from what someone else feels is right. She's already shown her concern, but if he insists then it's his word really. I agree with vash that you can do plenty of incredibly kind favors for him that don't involve paying for dinner.
'People are never perfect but love can be. People waste time looking for the perfect lover rather than creating the perfect love' - Princess Leigh-Cheri from Still Life With Woodpecker.
I will bet money on this just because he feels bad about letting you pay.
As it should be until its not there that's when money matters can make or break a relationship.
I find a women that cleans my place more creepy then anything. Course there is rarely anything to clean but it is creepy. Our place we both clean, my place I clean. Unless its the dishes. Whoever cooks doesn't do the dishes. (not on dates though that would be kinda screwed lol)
He could be just a gentlemen(highly highly doubt it) but the way you describe it is a little over the top a little too soon. Yeah traditional roles are still cool but if its over the top its over the top. Really nice seeing somebody at laest trying to do something to fix what makes them uneasy.
Getting over a broken heart is like being on shrooms. -MaidenMinx
lol well I wouldn't really clean his apartment; first of all, it's spotless! And I find it weird to rummage through people's things when I'm cleaning them....kind of an invasion of privacy, don't you think?
Anyway, I just don't know how to tell him that everything was too much too soon without hurting his feelings. Because he really might just be a gentleman; I don't really know him well enough to say if he is or not. But he has done other gentlemanly things; he cooked me dinner once and he really went to a lot of effort to do it It was a pretty elaborate dinner....
But I just don't like the feeling of feeling like I am not contributing to the relationship. I am also worried that he expects sexual favors because he treats me well, but at the same time, we have talked about sex and boundaries, and he would never insist on doing anything I wasn't comfortable with.
I think that he is also used to spending a lot of money because as far as I know, his financial situation permits it. He goes out to eat pretty frequently and spends on other things (For example, I thought it was stupid when he bought a bottle of water at the movie theater for five bucks, but he probably didn't think much of it!). So maybe he doesn't really consider everything that he's done 'over the top', but I don't know how to get across to him that it seems over the top to me without seeming rude.
Also, that is something that concerns me....he hasn't really saved a lot of money because he is so used to spending. He's not in debt (as far as I know), but he doesn't save much. But then I feel picky for over-analyzing his money habits when I haven't even known him for a month :O
Why do you keep harping on your "not contributing" to the relationship? Is your only value monetary? He obviously doesn't think that, and it is kind of sad if you genuinely don't think you have anything else to offer.
If you want to tell him to spend less in a kind way, tell him you don't want to give the impression that he is only valuable to you when he is buying you something, and that it makes you uncomfortable.
Also, I don't think it is wrong that you are noticing his spending habits after a month. In fact, I think it is smart that you DO. If you ever want to get married in the future, it is important to see clearly how your partner handles money.
Why would SHE be lazy if it is HIS house that is dirty?
Relax... I'll need some information first. Just the basic facts - can you show me where it hurts?
Good call! When I moved in with my guy I made it very clear that we would clean together. He knows when to put down the iPad and help me. I do the dishes when he cooks for me. He's supporting me until I start my job and still tells me that he needs me more than I need him. He freaks me out sometimes.