Help please

[Tiredandbroken]

I have several hobbies. I play guitar, hunt, fish, camping. All with my 2 buddies that are married. I've tried to stay away from dating and women in general. I've been doing fairly ok except for just being lonely. Until the heart attack and what this woman did about it. I called her because I thought i was going to die and i wanted to see her one last time. But it only brought me more pain. When should a person just give up on love? I see a lot of older people that are single for years and seem to be ok with it.

[michelle23]

you shouldnt give up. theres lots of other lonely people your age who you could be happy with. you only need to find one

[Tiredandbroken]

I remember the first time she hurt my feelings. At that time I was strong and confident enough to delete her number, not call, I just blocked her out. She came running after a short time. I guess I don't have that strength and confidence anymore. I had a conversation with a woman a while back and she actually asked me "what woman broke you?" It hit me then. I have changed, did this woman purposely hurt me until I couldn't take any more? Until I broke?

[michelle23]

she crushed your self-esteem. you have to work on picking it back up. go out with friends and just talk to women. You will click with someone and you can ask her out. Even just a little attention and flirting can help

Try online dating if your nervous about face to face.

All you can do it try. Each day will get easier

[Tiredandbroken]

My daily routine now is wake up, cry, drink coffe, cry some more, worry about my health, cry, go walking and cry, pray, cry. So much pain I've never felt. All because I gave my heart to someone that didn't appreciate it. Where is my rainbow.....

[VincenzoG91]

She sent you mean text messages while you were recovering from a heart attack? I consider that attempted murder. You need to avoid her like the black plague.

[Tiredandbroken]

I've tried online dating because I live in a small town. Kin to everyone. The only women that talked to me were married!!! No thanks.

[michelle23]

How long has it been since you separated? Its normal to feel this bad in the first 6 months but after that you do have to make an effort to get out and try to heal. it could be 2 years before you are ready to fall in love again but in the meantime you have to try to heal constructively. Youll give yourself another heartattack if you dont distract yourself from the stress

Its hard but there is light at the end of the tunnel. Time will help you heal

[Tiredandbroken]

Thats a hard question. We've been apart so much I don't know the answer. It's been 2 months since my heart attack. Other than that I don't know anything. I'm having a hard time thinking straight. Too much pain.

[Wakeup]

This is actually just another episode in what seems like a life destined to be lonely. I'm 40 and I've had 3 serious relationships in my adult life.
I was in my early 20s and off working and trying to save up for a ring. I came home to find that she was cheating with a man that was twice our age. Like a fool I took her back after some time. Again I found myself working out of town but this time she dumped me before I came home. She was dating another older man and actually married this one. That's one.
I met another woman after a couple of years and married her. We got along for a while but her temper soon alienated me. My friends stopped visiting. I wasn't allowed to visit them. I wasn't allowed to leave the house, even if she wasn't home. Her first husband had cheated on her so I tried to be understanding. Oh but wait, I find out after 10 years that's she's sleeping with a family member that I considered to be my best friend.
Now I'm right back in the same emotional boat. The same old feelings are back. Heart break and betrayal. I used to be a really good guy. I put other people above myself. Now at the worst possible time life has dealt me the same old losing hand. I'm so tired of hurting. If I didn't have a child I would just leave this rotten town and move across the country. I don't understand what I keep doing wrong. Is it me? Am I making these people hurt me? Do I have "sucker" written all over me? I am just tired and broken. :'{

Well, sorry to say but the common denominator here is you, tiredandbroken and yes, you should take some of the blame because you don't know when to leave which is a sign of major codependency issues. Your issues are causing you to remain with people that treat you poorly. People who do not have self esteem and codependency issues would immediately leave someone that told them that they "were not allowed to leave the house." That would be one huge red flag that a man (person) without codependency would heed and immediately distance themselves from.

That being said, have you ever addressed what apparently ails you through councelling or through reading books on the subject and doing exercises that will help you with loving yourself enough to know when you are being mistreated and you need to leave who is mistreating you? You appear to stick around until they leave you, in fact you even go back for more abuse so it's up to you to break the cycle you've found yourself in. It may not be your fault that they're Borderline Personality Disordered and treat you like crap but it certainly is your fault that you don't know when to save yourself.

Google Codependency and start to educate yourself there. Then you might want to google and read the symptoms of Borderline Personality Disorder because I think at least one of your romantic mistakes (read chosen partners) may have been just that. Then try googling "White Knight Syndrome" and see if you see yourself being one of those.

You don't have "sucker" written all over you but you do have codependent martyr etched on. Time to work on making you the best you that you can be, TandB so that you are strong enough to leave a raving bitch before she stresses you to the point of heart attack.

This post is lengthly but I'll add that you will continue to pick the same type of woman if you don't first work on yourself. Be strong and take care of you before even thinking about being with another one just like the other oneS.

[pcmaster]

My daily routine now is wake up, cry, drink coffe, cry some more, worry about my health, cry, go walking and cry, pray, cry. So much pain I've never felt. All because I gave my heart to someone that didn't appreciate it. Where is my rainbow.....

Stop crying everyday if you want to heal. Crying will make you only weaker(it burns out nerves) and weakness will make you cry even more. Suffering exists because weakness exists.

Instead better force yourself to smile and keep away from all the reminding things. Spend as little time as you can alone. Socialize with everyone who is willing, even if its just "Hi !" and smile in supermarket.
Ofcourse if you cry you gona cry alone.

[Wakeup]

Well, its rather hard to just stop crying because someone has told you to but I do agree that you need to stop feeling sorry for yourself now and do something tangible to get you out of your funk. Have you been to your doctor (or talked to one) about your depression and perhaps getting a referral for a psych counsult?

You are the boss of you, Tiredandbroken and you can get past what your screen name implies if you're willing to do the necessary work its going to take you to do with the help of a good therapist. You can try to do it with reading and conviction but first you have to address your depression.

Instead better force yourself to smile and keep away from all the reminding things. Spend as little time as you can alone. Socialize with everyone who is willing, even if its just "Hi !" and smile in supermarket.
Ofcourse if you cry you gona cry alone.

Agree!

[Tiredandbroken]

I'm trying. I can't afford therapy. I'm unable to work so I'm stuck at home until I'm released. I live in a remote area. I usually drive to the nearest store at least once a day just to see the cashiers. I'm bugging the hell out of my friends for company but they have wives and families so I'm alone more than I want to be. I wish things would have happened differently. I should go visit my sister out of state but I'm pretty much stuck here for now.

[michelle23]

i think its ok to cy and let it all out. feel the pain, anger, grief etc etc its a normal part of grief and unhealthy to suppress it and its only been two months so its normal to still feel like crap but make sure you dont allow yourself to enjoy the pain or else you will get stuck in this hole youve been pushed into.

wakeup is right about co-dependency. there may even be a support group in your area or a course you can take to educate yourself about it so you can make positive chanes and stop allowing people to walk all over you. a relationship should be equal, it should make you happy most of the time and it is about mutual respect, trust, love and communication.

it is important to recognize that respect and trust come first. without those two things it doesnt even matter how much you love her. love is not enough

[pcmaster]

How about getting a dog.